Metamorphosis. (warning: long introspective post!)
Somewhere over the course of the last six months, I decided that I need to change myself, and radically at that. However, I've never worked up the courage to do it, be it because of not having time because of school, or because I acutely fear loneliness, or because of some other spurious pussylogic I might have held in resistance to the sweeping changes that I need and deserve in my life. The resulting tension has done nothing but hurt me.
So no longer will I shy away from the changes that I feel are necessary. No longer will I associate with people who seem only to keep me around for their own benefit. No longer will I willingly associate with those who have no honor. Examples are provided below.
Once, there was a rather pretty girl from halfway across the world who really liked me. I liked her too, despite huge cultural differences. She was supposed to eventually visit me. But naturally, she found someone else (they always do), and that's okay for her--she still wants to be my friend. Fuck that. I have enough friends who don't feel it necessary to hurt me and remind me that I mean nothing to them aside from a shoulder to cry on or someone who sees beauty in them (I see beauty in everyone, don't think you're special for a second). Why should I grant you any special rights when you took it upon yourself to emotionally defecate on me? I swear, you girls are delusional in thinking that just because you have girl parts that you should be above reproach.
A certain ex-girfriend of mine should realize that I don't call her or really talk to her at all because she's incapable of doing anything but making me feel like shit. Why should I subject myself to that in addition to the woe she inflicted on me because she felt it necessary to leap from cock to cock like some kind of dick Tarzan? She justified it by saying she "wasn't happy" with me. Well, I'm not happy when she annoys me these days with her trivial, schizophrenic bollocks. Fuck off, and I'm glad she broke up with me because I don't think I could ever see myself with her even only six months after. I don't deserve to settle for something THAT far below my level, and it's neither my fault nor my concern that her life is a miserable waste and she'll never find anyone else who won't constantly fight with her. Also, she should give me back the stuff I made her out of love. She is not worthy of having them there to remind her of what I'm capable of. I want them back so I can destroy them like she doesn't have the guts to. After she gives me my money and stuff back, she's free to go die in a ditch somewhere.
To one of the underage girls I know: I am not your personal liquor cabinet. You are heretofore not welcome to come over and get crunk with me. You just get loud and more obnoxious and I get nothing out of it. You don't even repay me for what you use. Typical woman. If your queer friend Sherlock Faaaaabulous wouldn't die from a nasty glance, I'd kick his disrespectful ass. Where does he get off drunkenly falling around my apartment, breaking shit... and then talking about me behind my back? Neither of you are my friends.
To the other one of the underage girls I know: I'm glad you no longer have a crush on me and hate my guts and refuse to talk to me. But please give me back the stuff I let you borrow. After all, it's MY stuff--and it's beginning to annoy me GREATLY. Why do females think they're entitled to take my things?
I know that I've probably come off as a big he-man woman-hater. Don't you worry, I've got some issues with other males as well. But for some reason, I never form deep relationships of any kind with other males anymore. That said...
Tim. You are NEVER there when I need someone to talk to, so much so that I just don't bother trying to call you anymore. It's great that you're happy and that you've got a girlfriend and that you're back in school. It really is. But don't consider yourself too much of a friend if you're only talking to me when you're driving around and need "entertainment." I'm not your fucking jester; can't you at least show me SOME respect? It frustrates me that you're always too busy fucking the girl after school to talk to me about anything serious. Ever.
The great and overarching point I want to make with this:
Betray me, and I have nothing more to say to you. Usually breakups are not mutually amicable and one person feels betrayal while the other one is ready to move on. In my experience, "friendships" aren't much better--it's always someone recognizing that I have something desirable and then strip-mining it until there's nothing left.
If you are guilty of this, expect to see less and less of me. It's time I attach at least SOME semblance of self-worth to myself.
To reforge something beautiful out of metal, first, the dirt and rust must be scrubbed off, then the impurities smelted away. I don't care if you're hurt by this; I've had this done to me so many times without the slightest compassion that it's well within my rights to ask for it. Do not guilt trip me on this point.
So no longer will I shy away from the changes that I feel are necessary. No longer will I associate with people who seem only to keep me around for their own benefit. No longer will I willingly associate with those who have no honor. Examples are provided below.
Once, there was a rather pretty girl from halfway across the world who really liked me. I liked her too, despite huge cultural differences. She was supposed to eventually visit me. But naturally, she found someone else (they always do), and that's okay for her--she still wants to be my friend. Fuck that. I have enough friends who don't feel it necessary to hurt me and remind me that I mean nothing to them aside from a shoulder to cry on or someone who sees beauty in them (I see beauty in everyone, don't think you're special for a second). Why should I grant you any special rights when you took it upon yourself to emotionally defecate on me? I swear, you girls are delusional in thinking that just because you have girl parts that you should be above reproach.
A certain ex-girfriend of mine should realize that I don't call her or really talk to her at all because she's incapable of doing anything but making me feel like shit. Why should I subject myself to that in addition to the woe she inflicted on me because she felt it necessary to leap from cock to cock like some kind of dick Tarzan? She justified it by saying she "wasn't happy" with me. Well, I'm not happy when she annoys me these days with her trivial, schizophrenic bollocks. Fuck off, and I'm glad she broke up with me because I don't think I could ever see myself with her even only six months after. I don't deserve to settle for something THAT far below my level, and it's neither my fault nor my concern that her life is a miserable waste and she'll never find anyone else who won't constantly fight with her. Also, she should give me back the stuff I made her out of love. She is not worthy of having them there to remind her of what I'm capable of. I want them back so I can destroy them like she doesn't have the guts to. After she gives me my money and stuff back, she's free to go die in a ditch somewhere.
To one of the underage girls I know: I am not your personal liquor cabinet. You are heretofore not welcome to come over and get crunk with me. You just get loud and more obnoxious and I get nothing out of it. You don't even repay me for what you use. Typical woman. If your queer friend Sherlock Faaaaabulous wouldn't die from a nasty glance, I'd kick his disrespectful ass. Where does he get off drunkenly falling around my apartment, breaking shit... and then talking about me behind my back? Neither of you are my friends.
To the other one of the underage girls I know: I'm glad you no longer have a crush on me and hate my guts and refuse to talk to me. But please give me back the stuff I let you borrow. After all, it's MY stuff--and it's beginning to annoy me GREATLY. Why do females think they're entitled to take my things?
I know that I've probably come off as a big he-man woman-hater. Don't you worry, I've got some issues with other males as well. But for some reason, I never form deep relationships of any kind with other males anymore. That said...
Tim. You are NEVER there when I need someone to talk to, so much so that I just don't bother trying to call you anymore. It's great that you're happy and that you've got a girlfriend and that you're back in school. It really is. But don't consider yourself too much of a friend if you're only talking to me when you're driving around and need "entertainment." I'm not your fucking jester; can't you at least show me SOME respect? It frustrates me that you're always too busy fucking the girl after school to talk to me about anything serious. Ever.
The great and overarching point I want to make with this:
Betray me, and I have nothing more to say to you. Usually breakups are not mutually amicable and one person feels betrayal while the other one is ready to move on. In my experience, "friendships" aren't much better--it's always someone recognizing that I have something desirable and then strip-mining it until there's nothing left.
If you are guilty of this, expect to see less and less of me. It's time I attach at least SOME semblance of self-worth to myself.
To reforge something beautiful out of metal, first, the dirt and rust must be scrubbed off, then the impurities smelted away. I don't care if you're hurt by this; I've had this done to me so many times without the slightest compassion that it's well within my rights to ask for it. Do not guilt trip me on this point.