cold&lost&confused&hurting.
I'm feeling so much and it's driving me fucking bonkers. I hate when I'm like this and I hate what it feels like to be like this. I hate laying bed at night and thinking about everything and knowing that I'm being cynical and stupid and sad and naive and fuckingignorant. I hate it. I do it to myself almost every night, unless I'm so tired I just lay down and pass out, which is rare. I wish I had Ron or someone to talk to tonight on the phone before I went to bed. It clears my mind of everything and it makes falling asleep so much easier. But I am so very alone tonight, and I can feel it throughout every part of my body, my insides, my bones, everywhere. And I can't help feeling that no matter what I'm always going to be alone inside, because it's all in my head, and I don't think anything will fix it. And I'm beginning to think certain things like this just won't fade away.