(no subject)
Hope this makes you laugh or uncomfortable!
Pilot G Hoof and Captain Jack Backer get into orbit and prepare for another dangerous, laughing at death mission. Cap'n Jack notices some fucked up shit outside and decides to do another space walk because he ain't scared of no motherfuckers, living or dead. He hasn't been since that last mission that he and his Old Man took on in the galaxy WoW! last month. Shit really went down there man . Jack had never seen a man eat so many chicken wings. Now he knew why they called him G Hoof. Fuckin' A , Jack thought as he prepared to do the walk, Hoof is the sickest bitch EVER ...and I love him for it.
Hoof slowly got the craft into position so that Jackson could leap into the horrific oblivion called space. Hoof knew that space would turn you inside out if given the chance. He also knew that Jack didn't give a fuck. Cute bastard, he thought to himself. Better him then me.
G was astonished by Jacks intelligence slash insanity. At 14 months he was already an astronaut and doing space walks. "Best orgasm I ever had," Hoof boasted out loud .
Jack had only been out on his walk for about 10 minutes when he saw his dad and the ship explode.
It is a vacuum in outer space. Sound cannot exist. There is no material medium through which sound waves can travel. All those space movies got the most fundamental rule of space wrong. Fuckers.
The last thing Jack saw was his dad throwing him the horns and sticking his tongue out all Gene Simmons style.
What a dork, Jack thought to himself seconds before all his nerve endings fired at once, sometimes I feel like I'm the parent.
And then came the silent explosion. It is very surreal to see your father crushed silently in a ball of fire. While throwing horns even. Man he was friggin' hardcore!
And "what a dork" was the last thought I had of him, Jack whispered to himself. Hoof would have liked that . No, he would have LOVED that shit!
Since Jack was able to play fast and loose with scientific fact whenever he chose, he used his space suit engine pack to safely get to the planet where their mission was to be carried out.
In the distance was the emergency escape pod just in case some bullshit like what just happened happens. Jack would still be able to blow this fucking planet up like ordered and get as clear as possible when the nuke tore this place a new ass.
Jack was cool with the way Hoof blew up like that. He knew it would only piss G off and as soon as this Planet Killer went off, he'd go back to Earth and there would be the 'OL G with that fuckin' gummy grin of his. Hoof had a way with Death. He always called Death his bitch. Or sometimes Darryl. Hoof was definitely the Pitcher in that weird relationship. Jack chuckled to himself. Fucking Hoof...
The Planet Wrecker was just about all set. Jack gave himself enough time to high tail it out of there before this shitty planet and everything on it went BoOm Chaka Laka BoOm ! Jack loved his job! Blowing up planets filled with Bastard People!
5...4....3...2...1...and silencio! Die, die my darling! Jack took one look back and saw the Gods faces. That's right fucker, fear me ! Jack Backer: Planet Slayer! Now excuse me while I go find G Hoof!
12 Hours later..
..and the beat goes on...
Pilot G Hoof and Captain Jack Backer get into orbit and prepare for another dangerous, laughing at death mission. Cap'n Jack notices some fucked up shit outside and decides to do another space walk because he ain't scared of no motherfuckers, living or dead. He hasn't been since that last mission that he and his Old Man took on in the galaxy WoW! last month. Shit really went down there man . Jack had never seen a man eat so many chicken wings. Now he knew why they called him G Hoof. Fuckin' A , Jack thought as he prepared to do the walk, Hoof is the sickest bitch EVER ...and I love him for it.
Hoof slowly got the craft into position so that Jackson could leap into the horrific oblivion called space. Hoof knew that space would turn you inside out if given the chance. He also knew that Jack didn't give a fuck. Cute bastard, he thought to himself. Better him then me.
G was astonished by Jacks intelligence slash insanity. At 14 months he was already an astronaut and doing space walks. "Best orgasm I ever had," Hoof boasted out loud .
Jack had only been out on his walk for about 10 minutes when he saw his dad and the ship explode.
It is a vacuum in outer space. Sound cannot exist. There is no material medium through which sound waves can travel. All those space movies got the most fundamental rule of space wrong. Fuckers.
The last thing Jack saw was his dad throwing him the horns and sticking his tongue out all Gene Simmons style.
What a dork, Jack thought to himself seconds before all his nerve endings fired at once, sometimes I feel like I'm the parent.
And then came the silent explosion. It is very surreal to see your father crushed silently in a ball of fire. While throwing horns even. Man he was friggin' hardcore!
And "what a dork" was the last thought I had of him, Jack whispered to himself. Hoof would have liked that . No, he would have LOVED that shit!
Since Jack was able to play fast and loose with scientific fact whenever he chose, he used his space suit engine pack to safely get to the planet where their mission was to be carried out.
In the distance was the emergency escape pod just in case some bullshit like what just happened happens. Jack would still be able to blow this fucking planet up like ordered and get as clear as possible when the nuke tore this place a new ass.
Jack was cool with the way Hoof blew up like that. He knew it would only piss G off and as soon as this Planet Killer went off, he'd go back to Earth and there would be the 'OL G with that fuckin' gummy grin of his. Hoof had a way with Death. He always called Death his bitch. Or sometimes Darryl. Hoof was definitely the Pitcher in that weird relationship. Jack chuckled to himself. Fucking Hoof...
The Planet Wrecker was just about all set. Jack gave himself enough time to high tail it out of there before this shitty planet and everything on it went BoOm Chaka Laka BoOm ! Jack loved his job! Blowing up planets filled with Bastard People!
5...4....3...2...1...and silencio! Die, die my darling! Jack took one look back and saw the Gods faces. That's right fucker, fear me ! Jack Backer: Planet Slayer! Now excuse me while I go find G Hoof!
12 Hours later..
..and the beat goes on...