Hopefully
Everything is more powerful when it's life and death, sweeping aside the familiar middle ground. I just want to be closer to complete. My foundations have been replaced. Everything is changing. I am not foolish enough to believe this will be the last time, (as I have done before) let me just have it be the first time, that it's truly for the better. Everyone seems so angry, yet I feel a calm I haven't had in years. Perhaps it's just I'm on a different scale than them. I worry about the one thing almost everyone else does, ($) and nothing else. Nothing else in excess that is.
In Vermont, on the water of a beautiful lake, staring at a sunset in the most perfect weather of all, I realized something. Sitting alone in a kayak, with nothing but the water to disturb the silence, I suddenly knew it. With a feeling that greatly soothed me, but left me biting for more, I confirmed it. I am not content, but I am happy. I am glad for this.
There are a few people that have caused me, of my own choices and underlying fears, to become someone I do not respect or enjoy. It was always my fault, my doing. However, I never beat myself into improvement, only into a state of half life. A staleness.This fear driven child mindset. Devastating to progress and control. I hear all their reason now, spoken and shown in actions, and I wish I could go back, show them that I saw what it did to them. It is not something I wish greatly, for I am not concerned with what they would say, or do, I am changing, hopefully, for the better.
Hopefully.
In Vermont, on the water of a beautiful lake, staring at a sunset in the most perfect weather of all, I realized something. Sitting alone in a kayak, with nothing but the water to disturb the silence, I suddenly knew it. With a feeling that greatly soothed me, but left me biting for more, I confirmed it. I am not content, but I am happy. I am glad for this.
There are a few people that have caused me, of my own choices and underlying fears, to become someone I do not respect or enjoy. It was always my fault, my doing. However, I never beat myself into improvement, only into a state of half life. A staleness.This fear driven child mindset. Devastating to progress and control. I hear all their reason now, spoken and shown in actions, and I wish I could go back, show them that I saw what it did to them. It is not something I wish greatly, for I am not concerned with what they would say, or do, I am changing, hopefully, for the better.
Hopefully.