DILEMMA
Family fights Revealed (and uncensored)
Two sided arguments are bliss. That is why quarrels with oneself should be avoided. Makes no real sense in fighting with yourself as it always results in the realization of actually trying to convince yourself to fall back, while being convinced to fall back. Annoying dilemma given that you are the one giving and receiving that order!
But that is why I call for the judge when fighting with my parents. I just had one of those meaningless quarrels with them again. But saying "with my parents" makes it sound like it was actually a fight with my parents, me against them, one on two. But it has Never been like that (though never is a overused word), it has always been me against my dad, or me against my mom. Never them actually siding and being the stronger. They fight equally amongst themselves too (makes my parents sound like a breed, heh) and this time is no exception.
I don't know if I should be thankful. But it annoys me (I'm starting to sound like Sasuke) that they fight as much, I want them to cherish the love between them and care for it. Even if it would mean me being teamed out and for once put in my place. (I handle argument quite well)
Dad bosses everyone around, and it is starting to tear at me. Since I think that using your position as "head-chief" of our clan is bad, heck any use of position SUCKS! It is cowardly not to back your words up with fact and hold out throughout an entire argument without saying things like: "This Is my house!" "Remember that I paid for that!" "If you don't do as I say I will punish you!" etc. What points are he trying to get across? Why not just for once actually explain why he thinks what he does without having the sentence "Because I do!" kept as the bad habit it is. (Speaking of bad habits, yesterday I accidentally said: "It is a hobbit of mine!" O_o WTF? XD) GARRHH!! *Old-School sound* I think this mirrors the fact that HE was the doormat in his family. Every obstacle met by his siblings and parents were shoved over to him. And still are.
Ma is the doormat of the family, apparently. When something doesn't work out we all go to mom. Save dad who doesn't talk to anyone and only runs out when faced with a problem. I want them to be able to talk more! Do I have such weak blood? I don't know if I can fight it, a friend of mine once said that he had been fighting a loosing battle when it came to getting traits from your parents. No matter, I think my parents have many good ones too! (None of them highlighted here since I'm a whiner).
My sisters are flown out.
And I cursed my ignorance and being spoiled. ~Not by them, mind you, but by the luck (chance or whatever you believe in) that gave me a home under a roof in Sweden. ~
When this fight was concluded I cursed my luck at being born into a family with MAJOR dysfunction in communication. It's like we live on separate planes of existence. When I said just that to my mom she shrilled that "well I'm not interested in going to the beach anyway!!" (That was what the argument had started out about) like she hadn't even heard what I said. Makes me ponder.
And it isn't the first time it hits me that we have major dysfunction... we all know of it, never take care of it. I have tried countless of times. So has the rest of the family. But it always ends with dad saying: "We don't have a problem!" even though we ALL know we do. >__< It's not like it's a news flash!
But the worst of all, when everything was said and done I thought the most repelling of thoughts: "I wish I wasn't born into this, even living in a developing country has to be better than this, cause then I would be thankful for what I get and our family would be more close bond." The second I thought just that I took it back. That is my level of ignorance. I actually believed in those words (if only for some seconds, but still).
But the problem still falls back to "why?"
Why are we dysfunctionate?
If there had been an easy answer I wouldn't have known. I’m so caught up in this fish trap that I can't sort right from wrong and everything seems so unfair. I have no idea what telling this to anyone would achieve, but either way... if you have read this long: thank you for finding interest in my humble life and whinny rants of yesterdays topics. Know that I have lived with this my entire life and that it doesn't really signify anything special. It's just something I need to get out of my system from time to time. So don't worry:
"Leave me alone,
I'm over it.
And everybody is moving on.
I can't see my tomorrow,
And yesterday has come and gone.
So leave me alone.[...]" - Smash mouth
(though skip the "leave me alone" part, you may bug me about this, and comfort me, as much as you want! I always appreciate compassion and sympathy!)
I leave it at that.
Two sided arguments are bliss. That is why quarrels with oneself should be avoided. Makes no real sense in fighting with yourself as it always results in the realization of actually trying to convince yourself to fall back, while being convinced to fall back. Annoying dilemma given that you are the one giving and receiving that order!
But that is why I call for the judge when fighting with my parents. I just had one of those meaningless quarrels with them again. But saying "with my parents" makes it sound like it was actually a fight with my parents, me against them, one on two. But it has Never been like that (though never is a overused word), it has always been me against my dad, or me against my mom. Never them actually siding and being the stronger. They fight equally amongst themselves too (makes my parents sound like a breed, heh) and this time is no exception.
I don't know if I should be thankful. But it annoys me (I'm starting to sound like Sasuke) that they fight as much, I want them to cherish the love between them and care for it. Even if it would mean me being teamed out and for once put in my place. (I handle argument quite well)
Dad bosses everyone around, and it is starting to tear at me. Since I think that using your position as "head-chief" of our clan is bad, heck any use of position SUCKS! It is cowardly not to back your words up with fact and hold out throughout an entire argument without saying things like: "This Is my house!" "Remember that I paid for that!" "If you don't do as I say I will punish you!" etc. What points are he trying to get across? Why not just for once actually explain why he thinks what he does without having the sentence "Because I do!" kept as the bad habit it is. (Speaking of bad habits, yesterday I accidentally said: "It is a hobbit of mine!" O_o WTF? XD) GARRHH!! *Old-School sound* I think this mirrors the fact that HE was the doormat in his family. Every obstacle met by his siblings and parents were shoved over to him. And still are.
Ma is the doormat of the family, apparently. When something doesn't work out we all go to mom. Save dad who doesn't talk to anyone and only runs out when faced with a problem. I want them to be able to talk more! Do I have such weak blood? I don't know if I can fight it, a friend of mine once said that he had been fighting a loosing battle when it came to getting traits from your parents. No matter, I think my parents have many good ones too! (None of them highlighted here since I'm a whiner).
My sisters are flown out.
And I cursed my ignorance and being spoiled. ~Not by them, mind you, but by the luck (chance or whatever you believe in) that gave me a home under a roof in Sweden. ~
When this fight was concluded I cursed my luck at being born into a family with MAJOR dysfunction in communication. It's like we live on separate planes of existence. When I said just that to my mom she shrilled that "well I'm not interested in going to the beach anyway!!" (That was what the argument had started out about) like she hadn't even heard what I said. Makes me ponder.
And it isn't the first time it hits me that we have major dysfunction... we all know of it, never take care of it. I have tried countless of times. So has the rest of the family. But it always ends with dad saying: "We don't have a problem!" even though we ALL know we do. >__< It's not like it's a news flash!
But the worst of all, when everything was said and done I thought the most repelling of thoughts: "I wish I wasn't born into this, even living in a developing country has to be better than this, cause then I would be thankful for what I get and our family would be more close bond." The second I thought just that I took it back. That is my level of ignorance. I actually believed in those words (if only for some seconds, but still).
But the problem still falls back to "why?"
Why are we dysfunctionate?
If there had been an easy answer I wouldn't have known. I’m so caught up in this fish trap that I can't sort right from wrong and everything seems so unfair. I have no idea what telling this to anyone would achieve, but either way... if you have read this long: thank you for finding interest in my humble life and whinny rants of yesterdays topics. Know that I have lived with this my entire life and that it doesn't really signify anything special. It's just something I need to get out of my system from time to time. So don't worry:
"Leave me alone,
I'm over it.
And everybody is moving on.
I can't see my tomorrow,
And yesterday has come and gone.
So leave me alone.[...]" - Smash mouth
(though skip the "leave me alone" part, you may bug me about this, and comfort me, as much as you want! I always appreciate compassion and sympathy!)
I leave it at that.