"Nine Inches of Pure Terror!" or "Viva Viagra!" [Matt/Shannon]
Is there is a god, why hasn't s/he struck me down yet?
Title: “Nine Inches of Pure Terror” or “Viva Viagra!”
Author: Moi
Pairing: Matt/Shannon, Tomo/Jared [briefly], and Tomo/his hand like whoa
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Matt puts the “fun” in Erectile Dysfunction. Yeah. crackfic!
Disclaimer: Lies. At least I hope so. XD
Notes: THIS IS ALL KARA'S FAULT!
~*~*~
Matt had a secret. Well, it was sort of a secret. It wasn't like he kept it from people. He just never brought it up. Ahem. He played it off cool in high school, saying that he'd rather finish his homework then go on dates, or he'd rather blow dry his mullet. You know, better things to do that made his mother proud.
He never got what the big deal was about masturbating all the time. He did it twice maybe every other month. Tomo was one of those chronic masturbaters[ors?]. Matt imagined him as that kid who sat behind you in Physics who would jerk off in class, or purposely show kids his erection through his pants. You know, that kid. Matt could hear him all night, furiously jacking off in his bunk, swearing loudly every time he smacked his elbow on the wall.
Okay, well, Matt would be lying if he didn't like masturbating. He thought it was hot. He just didn't like doing it himself, you know? And it wasn't like he hated dicks in general. In fact, he liked them. (Just not his own.) Tomo's was long, dark, uncircumcised and had too much pubic hair. Jared's was too thin and anorexic looking. Well, if dicks could be anorexic. It was an okay length, but nothing too spectacular. But Shannon on the other hand... Shannon's dick was nice and thick. Think of the nursery rhyme for The Little Tea Pot. And boy, could Shannon get steamed up. And now you're asking yourself, how the hell does Matt know about everyone's dicks. Just the thought of living in a can of New England Clam Chowder (not Manhattan please!) was what life was like on the bus. You had the chowder (Tomo), the clam (Jared), and the bowl (Shannon). Matt liked to think of himself as the spoon - long limbed and awkwardly shaped.
Enough about soup now. Back to Matt's secret. It was on another boring day in the soup can. Tomo was in his bunk, jacking off and Jared had his phone glued to his ear. Shannon, the instigator of all things, brought up the subject of... Tomo's favorite after school activity.
“I bet he has fuckin' Carpal Tunnel now,” he said, sending a look back towards the bunk area. One of Tomo's foot was sticking out and every once in awhile, you saw his toes curl in pleasure when he twisted his hand the right way.
Matt made a mental note to really buy ear plugs, or maybe some bleach to pour in his eyes. “Hmm, maybe.”
Shannon, however, didn't pay attention to Matt's disinterest of the subject. “Man, seriously though. He never fucking stops. I need to get a cantaloupe and cut a hole in it or something. Have you ever done that?”
“Nope.” Matt found an old magazine and picked it up and pretended to be absorbed in it.
Shannon snorted. “Right. You're a liar Matt Wachter. And you know what? I bet Tomo has his fingers up his ass as he jerks off. Hmm, rubbing his hot spot and--”
“Okay, enough! I don't want to hear about Tomo's fingers in his ass. I don't want to hear about him masturbating. It's bad enough I have to actually hear him do it,” Matt said, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose.
A loud Oh shit could be heard throughout the bus and a low moan.
“He just came,” Shannon said, smirking impishly. “I bet he sprayed his thick Croatian seed all over the curtain.”
Matt made a face. “Not cool, dude. My bunk's across his. And why do you find it so amazing to talk about Tomo jerking off!”
“Mhmm, I think I saved some come for you, Mattie,” came Tomo's relaxed voice from the bunk area. “You bring the cookies. I have the cream.”
“Ugh, what is wrong with you people?” Matt groaned, wrinkling his nose up in disgust.
“No, what is wrong with you?” Shannon asked, eyebrows raised even higher than normal. “You always get flustered or annoyed when we talk about sex. We're men. We love sex. Why don't you ever do anything about it? We never hear you jack off.”
“Why would you be listening to me jacking off?” Matt asked, incredulous.
“What, and like you don't for us?”
“I don't listen to you guys! I don't want to listen! I don't want to see! I don't want to... I just don't want to!” Matt was out of breath and his face was flushed red from his little freak out.
And Shannon just stared.
And stared.
And stared.
The whole bus was eerily silent for a few minutes. Jared stopped bitching on the phone and Tomo stopped eating his come.
And Shannon was still staring.
“Will you get a life?” Matt shouted, unnerved.
Suddenly there was soft footsteps coming in their direction and Matt groaned, “Oh sweet baby Jesus in a fucking wicker hand basket! Milicevic, put on some fucking pants!”
And that was the day that Shanon Leto decided to find out Matt's problem.
~*~ *~
They were bringing in the bags for their onces in awhile rare hotel stay. Matt, of course, had mixed feelings about it. He normally got stuck rooming with Tomo, who slept in the nude and masturbated until his hand grew numb. The man had no shame and Matt wanted to curl up and die.
However, today was different. Shannon casually told everyone that he was going to room with Matt that night. It was too casually said and Matt was instantly suspicious. Always with his guard up. Especially around the trouble maker Leto brothers. Jared had no problem with Shannon's statement, because he knew that he'd get his ass pounded by Tomo if he got the chance.
“First off,” Matt started as they walked into their room, “if you're going to have some happy hand time, use the fucking bathroom. Secondly, do not pop my personal bubble, or I will seriously knock your lights out. And lastly, do not drink all the coffee here. I had it specially ordered from Starbucks.”
Shannon merely shrugged. “What crawled up your ass, Wachter? Aren't you glad I saved you from Tomo's sticky grasp for tonight?” He tossed his duffel bag on the bed that he had claimed.
Matt made a sour face at the mentioning of “Tomo” and “sticky” in the same sentence. “I appreciate it, yeah. But that doesn't mean you can try anything funny. I know how you Letos work.”
Shannon plopped down on his bed. “What do you mean by that? You know I'm the innocent brother. And seriously? What are we, a new race of people?” He suddenly started to belt out Guns N Roses. “Welcome to the jungle. We got fun 'n' games! We got everything you want. Honey, we know the names. We are the people-- OUCH!”
Shannon shut up the moment Matt's shoe collided with his head.
“Never fucking again,” Matt warned, chilled to the bone. “Besides, Axel Rose is a douche bag now.”
“So is Jared,” Shannon pointed out, rubbing the side of his face where there was a bright red shoe mark.
“Yeah, but do you hear me singing his songs? No, thank you,” Matt shot back. “Plus, I have to admit that Jared has a better voice than Axel and you put together.”
“Meh, you win some, you lose some.” Shanon's eyes lit up. “But I have a gift for you!”
“Um, should I be scared?” Matt already knew the answer to that.
Shannon only grinned and dug through his bag and grabbed something. It made a rattle when he shook it, and Matt could feel his heart drop to his knees. “I was looking through your bunk today, and I found this and thought you might want it!”
Oh, shit son. Shannon found Matt's bottle of Viagra and was shaking it around like a child would a Christmas present.
Do not want. Do not want. Do not fucking want!
“Give that to me, you little asshole!” Matt snarled, lunging for Shannon. “I can kick your ass to high heaven!” He pinned Shannon's stocky body onto the bed and opened his mouth to threaten him again, but almost choked. Shannon thrust two of those little blue pills into his mouth and Matt swallowed them before he knew what the hell he was doing.
Shannon's eyebrows did a victory dance. “Little asshole, huh? Well wouldn't you want to know? How long does it take for you to pop a boner?” He looked at Matt's crotch, almost expecting it to happen right away.
“Fuck off! It takes some fucking time, asshole. And thanks to you, I'll be walking around all day with a boner,” Matt said, irritated.
Shannon didn't seem affected by Matt's anger. In fact, he seemed amused by it. “No need to thank me! I'm going to give you some time alone.” He winked. “I'm going to get some Starbucks. I'll be back in an hour.” He winked again.
Matt flipped him off as he left the room and sighed. “God must hate me,” he moaned. And now he only had to do was wait for the 9 hour erection to come.
*~*~*
Shannon returned about an hour later, looking more hyper than ever. He had a Starbucks cup glued to his hand. Matt didn't move from the spot he was in the last time Shannon had seen him. In fact, the only thing that changed was --
“Oh my god, so Viagra really does work?” Shannon asked curiously, staring at the tent in Matt's jeans. “Well fuck me hard and call me Fred!”
“Fuck off,” Matt growled, turning away on his side. “This fucking hurts, asshole. And you're an old man. I'm surprised you don't need it yet.”
“Did you even try to jerk off?” Shannon asked, sitting on the edge of Matt's bed, fingers itching to touch. He ignored Matt's statement completely. “Or did you just lay here with a huge fucking boner while I was gone?”
“What do you think?” He asked, rolling his eyes. “I'm not like Tomo, who can work his dick raw with his hand.” He shifted. “I'm just an overtly awkward person in every perspective.”
“You're such a dee da dee,” Shannon said, shaking his head. “Why don't you let me help you out?” His hand inched closer, now resting on Matt's hip. “You never let any of us touch you.” He sounded wounded, like Matt was supposed to let them invade his personal space more than they already did.
And Matt almost felt bad. Well, almost. After all, he did have a raging hard on and nothing to help it. Most of the time jerking off hardly relieved any of the feeling, and there was no way on--
“Oh hell no!” Matt let out a gasp as Shannon's mouth fastened itself on his clothed erection. The sensation surprised him, and almost took his breath away, but Matt wasn't about to let Shannon win.... whatever this was. He dug his fingers into Shannon's short hair, yanking his head up.
“Matt! Don't tell me you didn't want this,” Shannon warned, sounding a little breathless. “C'mon, man, I've seen you check out my gun show before.” He flexed his muscles. “I have season passes to it, baby.”
“Oh god, Shannon. Don't even try,” Matt said, rubbing his face. His whole body was aching for some release, but he was a stubborn bastard and gun show or not, he did not want Shannon. Or maybe on some subconscious level he did, but he wasn't going to admit to that.
“Matt, I swear to god, if I have to pin you done and get some work done, I will,” Shannon threatened.
“And that would be called rape, Shannon,” Matt replied, oddly calm.
“You can't rape the willing, and by the looks of your boner, I'd say you're willing enough.”
Matt blushed. “You did this to me! This is all your fault! And quit saying boner! You've used it like, eight million times already.”
That statement made Shannon grin like a mad man. “Why yes, it is. And now I must take responsibility for my actions, dear Matthew. I've noticed the sexual tension between us since day one. I swear to god I won't even tell anyone about this.”
And unfortunately, Matt's stubbornness never lasted against Leto puppy eyes. “Fine,” he relented. “But you're going to have to do everything. Because I say so.” Humph.
“Oh score!” Shannon looked giddy. He dove for his bed and found his duffel bag. “Astroglide!” He whipped out a purple bottle and shook it around.
Matt suppressed a groan. “You are so gay,” he commented, flopping down on the mattress. Shannon tossed him a condom and he put it on, groaning again because it was so close to not fitting.
“Don't call me gay, bro. You're about to fuck me,” Shannon warned. “As in sticking your dick up my asshole.” He stripped down quickly, eager to finally get the deed done.
Matt really hated the word “asshole” when it was being used as a noun. He preferred the adjective. “Right, right,” Matt groaned. “Let's just get this over with. At least you're not like your brother. Fucking him would be like tossing a hot dog down a hallway.”
Shannon already had two fingers twisting into his ass. “And how would you know?” he asked, grunting a little.
“I've heard people talk,” Matt said offhandedly, watching Shannon with interest. He rubbed his upper thigh lazily.
Shannon's body made a wet noise when he pulled out his fingers, and Matt was almost convinced he'd smell them, but he didn't. “So now it comes down to the final show down,” Shannon said, his voice suddenly husky. He gave Matt bedroom eyes. “Now mount me!”
“Mount you? What the hell?” Matt shook his head. “God, if only circumstances were different, because you are one hell of a boner killer!”
“Hurr hurr, you said boner!”
“Shut up! God dammit, Shannon. Quit being weird. I just want this to get over with, and here you are talking about mounting. You've spent too much time with Tomo and his fur suit.”
“It's not my fault he's being fursecuited!” Shanon cackled, but stopped the second he saw Matt's expression. “Alright, alright, I'm done. Now can we fuck?”
Matt rolled his eyes. “Yes.” He took off his glasses so he wouldn't have to see Shannon's stupid smirk. Or his ugly tattoo on his arm. He spread his legs and popped himself up with the pillows. “Now get going.”
Shannon didn't need to hear anything else. He got onto Matt's lap and lowered himself on his erection. “Oh fuck yes,” he growled out, digging his short nails into Matt's shoulders.
For once in his life, Matt found himself agreeing with Shannon.
*~*~*
Three hours later....
“Ugh, time out,” Shannon whimpered, getting off Matt's still hard cock. “My asshole is like one huge bruise.”
Matt groaned. “God, damn you, Leto! Look what you did to me! You're such a fucking pussy. We've only been--”
“Fucking for five hours!” Shannon didn't bother moving at all. “Jesus Christ, I think you've rammed my prostate up my colon or something. Do you take some super grade Viagra or what?”
“No, you just shoved some down my throat, and now I'm going to have a fucking hard on for the rest of the night!” Matt reached down and peeled off the condom and flung it at Shannon, who only groaned in response, not caring that he had a condom stuck to the side of his head.
He stilled when he heard footsteps make their way to his door, but was too horny and frustrated. The hotel door opened, and there stood Tomo, one hand in his pants, and an evil glint in his eyes. “So I heard you've got a little problem, Matt...”
Matt wondered briefly if the whole hotel heard his scream of terror.
the end... Or is it?
*~*~*
Oh god... It's finally over. You have no idea how much that fic kicked my ass.
And with that being said, I am going to post a few links of interest.
”Method Acting”, the only fanfiction EVAR about Matt's moobies. You like it. You love it.
Shannon's theme song.
And since I'm picking on Shanon, everyone should watch this clip from Extras, because Shannon can enjoy cock guilt free now! :D This is so him in like 20 years.
And uhh. I have nothing else to say. The end.
Title: “Nine Inches of Pure Terror” or “Viva Viagra!”
Author: Moi
Pairing: Matt/Shannon, Tomo/Jared [briefly], and Tomo/his hand like whoa
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Matt puts the “fun” in Erectile Dysfunction. Yeah. crackfic!
Disclaimer: Lies. At least I hope so. XD
Notes: THIS IS ALL KARA'S FAULT!
~*~*~
Matt had a secret. Well, it was sort of a secret. It wasn't like he kept it from people. He just never brought it up. Ahem. He played it off cool in high school, saying that he'd rather finish his homework then go on dates, or he'd rather blow dry his mullet. You know, better things to do that made his mother proud.
He never got what the big deal was about masturbating all the time. He did it twice maybe every other month. Tomo was one of those chronic masturbaters[ors?]. Matt imagined him as that kid who sat behind you in Physics who would jerk off in class, or purposely show kids his erection through his pants. You know, that kid. Matt could hear him all night, furiously jacking off in his bunk, swearing loudly every time he smacked his elbow on the wall.
Okay, well, Matt would be lying if he didn't like masturbating. He thought it was hot. He just didn't like doing it himself, you know? And it wasn't like he hated dicks in general. In fact, he liked them. (Just not his own.) Tomo's was long, dark, uncircumcised and had too much pubic hair. Jared's was too thin and anorexic looking. Well, if dicks could be anorexic. It was an okay length, but nothing too spectacular. But Shannon on the other hand... Shannon's dick was nice and thick. Think of the nursery rhyme for The Little Tea Pot. And boy, could Shannon get steamed up. And now you're asking yourself, how the hell does Matt know about everyone's dicks. Just the thought of living in a can of New England Clam Chowder (not Manhattan please!) was what life was like on the bus. You had the chowder (Tomo), the clam (Jared), and the bowl (Shannon). Matt liked to think of himself as the spoon - long limbed and awkwardly shaped.
Enough about soup now. Back to Matt's secret. It was on another boring day in the soup can. Tomo was in his bunk, jacking off and Jared had his phone glued to his ear. Shannon, the instigator of all things, brought up the subject of... Tomo's favorite after school activity.
“I bet he has fuckin' Carpal Tunnel now,” he said, sending a look back towards the bunk area. One of Tomo's foot was sticking out and every once in awhile, you saw his toes curl in pleasure when he twisted his hand the right way.
Matt made a mental note to really buy ear plugs, or maybe some bleach to pour in his eyes. “Hmm, maybe.”
Shannon, however, didn't pay attention to Matt's disinterest of the subject. “Man, seriously though. He never fucking stops. I need to get a cantaloupe and cut a hole in it or something. Have you ever done that?”
“Nope.” Matt found an old magazine and picked it up and pretended to be absorbed in it.
Shannon snorted. “Right. You're a liar Matt Wachter. And you know what? I bet Tomo has his fingers up his ass as he jerks off. Hmm, rubbing his hot spot and--”
“Okay, enough! I don't want to hear about Tomo's fingers in his ass. I don't want to hear about him masturbating. It's bad enough I have to actually hear him do it,” Matt said, pushing his glasses further up the bridge of his nose.
A loud Oh shit could be heard throughout the bus and a low moan.
“He just came,” Shannon said, smirking impishly. “I bet he sprayed his thick Croatian seed all over the curtain.”
Matt made a face. “Not cool, dude. My bunk's across his. And why do you find it so amazing to talk about Tomo jerking off!”
“Mhmm, I think I saved some come for you, Mattie,” came Tomo's relaxed voice from the bunk area. “You bring the cookies. I have the cream.”
“Ugh, what is wrong with you people?” Matt groaned, wrinkling his nose up in disgust.
“No, what is wrong with you?” Shannon asked, eyebrows raised even higher than normal. “You always get flustered or annoyed when we talk about sex. We're men. We love sex. Why don't you ever do anything about it? We never hear you jack off.”
“Why would you be listening to me jacking off?” Matt asked, incredulous.
“What, and like you don't for us?”
“I don't listen to you guys! I don't want to listen! I don't want to see! I don't want to... I just don't want to!” Matt was out of breath and his face was flushed red from his little freak out.
And Shannon just stared.
And stared.
And stared.
The whole bus was eerily silent for a few minutes. Jared stopped bitching on the phone and Tomo stopped eating his come.
And Shannon was still staring.
“Will you get a life?” Matt shouted, unnerved.
Suddenly there was soft footsteps coming in their direction and Matt groaned, “Oh sweet baby Jesus in a fucking wicker hand basket! Milicevic, put on some fucking pants!”
And that was the day that Shanon Leto decided to find out Matt's problem.
~*~ *~
They were bringing in the bags for their onces in awhile rare hotel stay. Matt, of course, had mixed feelings about it. He normally got stuck rooming with Tomo, who slept in the nude and masturbated until his hand grew numb. The man had no shame and Matt wanted to curl up and die.
However, today was different. Shannon casually told everyone that he was going to room with Matt that night. It was too casually said and Matt was instantly suspicious. Always with his guard up. Especially around the trouble maker Leto brothers. Jared had no problem with Shannon's statement, because he knew that he'd get his ass pounded by Tomo if he got the chance.
“First off,” Matt started as they walked into their room, “if you're going to have some happy hand time, use the fucking bathroom. Secondly, do not pop my personal bubble, or I will seriously knock your lights out. And lastly, do not drink all the coffee here. I had it specially ordered from Starbucks.”
Shannon merely shrugged. “What crawled up your ass, Wachter? Aren't you glad I saved you from Tomo's sticky grasp for tonight?” He tossed his duffel bag on the bed that he had claimed.
Matt made a sour face at the mentioning of “Tomo” and “sticky” in the same sentence. “I appreciate it, yeah. But that doesn't mean you can try anything funny. I know how you Letos work.”
Shannon plopped down on his bed. “What do you mean by that? You know I'm the innocent brother. And seriously? What are we, a new race of people?” He suddenly started to belt out Guns N Roses. “Welcome to the jungle. We got fun 'n' games! We got everything you want. Honey, we know the names. We are the people-- OUCH!”
Shannon shut up the moment Matt's shoe collided with his head.
“Never fucking again,” Matt warned, chilled to the bone. “Besides, Axel Rose is a douche bag now.”
“So is Jared,” Shannon pointed out, rubbing the side of his face where there was a bright red shoe mark.
“Yeah, but do you hear me singing his songs? No, thank you,” Matt shot back. “Plus, I have to admit that Jared has a better voice than Axel and you put together.”
“Meh, you win some, you lose some.” Shanon's eyes lit up. “But I have a gift for you!”
“Um, should I be scared?” Matt already knew the answer to that.
Shannon only grinned and dug through his bag and grabbed something. It made a rattle when he shook it, and Matt could feel his heart drop to his knees. “I was looking through your bunk today, and I found this and thought you might want it!”
Oh, shit son. Shannon found Matt's bottle of Viagra and was shaking it around like a child would a Christmas present.
Do not want. Do not want. Do not fucking want!
“Give that to me, you little asshole!” Matt snarled, lunging for Shannon. “I can kick your ass to high heaven!” He pinned Shannon's stocky body onto the bed and opened his mouth to threaten him again, but almost choked. Shannon thrust two of those little blue pills into his mouth and Matt swallowed them before he knew what the hell he was doing.
Shannon's eyebrows did a victory dance. “Little asshole, huh? Well wouldn't you want to know? How long does it take for you to pop a boner?” He looked at Matt's crotch, almost expecting it to happen right away.
“Fuck off! It takes some fucking time, asshole. And thanks to you, I'll be walking around all day with a boner,” Matt said, irritated.
Shannon didn't seem affected by Matt's anger. In fact, he seemed amused by it. “No need to thank me! I'm going to give you some time alone.” He winked. “I'm going to get some Starbucks. I'll be back in an hour.” He winked again.
Matt flipped him off as he left the room and sighed. “God must hate me,” he moaned. And now he only had to do was wait for the 9 hour erection to come.
*~*~*
Shannon returned about an hour later, looking more hyper than ever. He had a Starbucks cup glued to his hand. Matt didn't move from the spot he was in the last time Shannon had seen him. In fact, the only thing that changed was --
“Oh my god, so Viagra really does work?” Shannon asked curiously, staring at the tent in Matt's jeans. “Well fuck me hard and call me Fred!”
“Fuck off,” Matt growled, turning away on his side. “This fucking hurts, asshole. And you're an old man. I'm surprised you don't need it yet.”
“Did you even try to jerk off?” Shannon asked, sitting on the edge of Matt's bed, fingers itching to touch. He ignored Matt's statement completely. “Or did you just lay here with a huge fucking boner while I was gone?”
“What do you think?” He asked, rolling his eyes. “I'm not like Tomo, who can work his dick raw with his hand.” He shifted. “I'm just an overtly awkward person in every perspective.”
“You're such a dee da dee,” Shannon said, shaking his head. “Why don't you let me help you out?” His hand inched closer, now resting on Matt's hip. “You never let any of us touch you.” He sounded wounded, like Matt was supposed to let them invade his personal space more than they already did.
And Matt almost felt bad. Well, almost. After all, he did have a raging hard on and nothing to help it. Most of the time jerking off hardly relieved any of the feeling, and there was no way on--
“Oh hell no!” Matt let out a gasp as Shannon's mouth fastened itself on his clothed erection. The sensation surprised him, and almost took his breath away, but Matt wasn't about to let Shannon win.... whatever this was. He dug his fingers into Shannon's short hair, yanking his head up.
“Matt! Don't tell me you didn't want this,” Shannon warned, sounding a little breathless. “C'mon, man, I've seen you check out my gun show before.” He flexed his muscles. “I have season passes to it, baby.”
“Oh god, Shannon. Don't even try,” Matt said, rubbing his face. His whole body was aching for some release, but he was a stubborn bastard and gun show or not, he did not want Shannon. Or maybe on some subconscious level he did, but he wasn't going to admit to that.
“Matt, I swear to god, if I have to pin you done and get some work done, I will,” Shannon threatened.
“And that would be called rape, Shannon,” Matt replied, oddly calm.
“You can't rape the willing, and by the looks of your boner, I'd say you're willing enough.”
Matt blushed. “You did this to me! This is all your fault! And quit saying boner! You've used it like, eight million times already.”
That statement made Shannon grin like a mad man. “Why yes, it is. And now I must take responsibility for my actions, dear Matthew. I've noticed the sexual tension between us since day one. I swear to god I won't even tell anyone about this.”
And unfortunately, Matt's stubbornness never lasted against Leto puppy eyes. “Fine,” he relented. “But you're going to have to do everything. Because I say so.” Humph.
“Oh score!” Shannon looked giddy. He dove for his bed and found his duffel bag. “Astroglide!” He whipped out a purple bottle and shook it around.
Matt suppressed a groan. “You are so gay,” he commented, flopping down on the mattress. Shannon tossed him a condom and he put it on, groaning again because it was so close to not fitting.
“Don't call me gay, bro. You're about to fuck me,” Shannon warned. “As in sticking your dick up my asshole.” He stripped down quickly, eager to finally get the deed done.
Matt really hated the word “asshole” when it was being used as a noun. He preferred the adjective. “Right, right,” Matt groaned. “Let's just get this over with. At least you're not like your brother. Fucking him would be like tossing a hot dog down a hallway.”
Shannon already had two fingers twisting into his ass. “And how would you know?” he asked, grunting a little.
“I've heard people talk,” Matt said offhandedly, watching Shannon with interest. He rubbed his upper thigh lazily.
Shannon's body made a wet noise when he pulled out his fingers, and Matt was almost convinced he'd smell them, but he didn't. “So now it comes down to the final show down,” Shannon said, his voice suddenly husky. He gave Matt bedroom eyes. “Now mount me!”
“Mount you? What the hell?” Matt shook his head. “God, if only circumstances were different, because you are one hell of a boner killer!”
“Hurr hurr, you said boner!”
“Shut up! God dammit, Shannon. Quit being weird. I just want this to get over with, and here you are talking about mounting. You've spent too much time with Tomo and his fur suit.”
“It's not my fault he's being fursecuited!” Shanon cackled, but stopped the second he saw Matt's expression. “Alright, alright, I'm done. Now can we fuck?”
Matt rolled his eyes. “Yes.” He took off his glasses so he wouldn't have to see Shannon's stupid smirk. Or his ugly tattoo on his arm. He spread his legs and popped himself up with the pillows. “Now get going.”
Shannon didn't need to hear anything else. He got onto Matt's lap and lowered himself on his erection. “Oh fuck yes,” he growled out, digging his short nails into Matt's shoulders.
For once in his life, Matt found himself agreeing with Shannon.
*~*~*
Three hours later....
“Ugh, time out,” Shannon whimpered, getting off Matt's still hard cock. “My asshole is like one huge bruise.”
Matt groaned. “God, damn you, Leto! Look what you did to me! You're such a fucking pussy. We've only been--”
“Fucking for five hours!” Shannon didn't bother moving at all. “Jesus Christ, I think you've rammed my prostate up my colon or something. Do you take some super grade Viagra or what?”
“No, you just shoved some down my throat, and now I'm going to have a fucking hard on for the rest of the night!” Matt reached down and peeled off the condom and flung it at Shannon, who only groaned in response, not caring that he had a condom stuck to the side of his head.
He stilled when he heard footsteps make their way to his door, but was too horny and frustrated. The hotel door opened, and there stood Tomo, one hand in his pants, and an evil glint in his eyes. “So I heard you've got a little problem, Matt...”
Matt wondered briefly if the whole hotel heard his scream of terror.
the end... Or is it?
*~*~*
Oh god... It's finally over. You have no idea how much that fic kicked my ass.
And with that being said, I am going to post a few links of interest.
”Method Acting”, the only fanfiction EVAR about Matt's moobies. You like it. You love it.
Click to viewShannon's theme song.
And since I'm picking on Shanon, everyone should watch this clip from Extras, because Shannon can enjoy cock guilt free now! :D This is so him in like 20 years.
And uhh. I have nothing else to say. The end.