So here's what's going on...
I've been pretending to write an essay for almost an hour now. I wrote two sentences, looked around the room and realized my room was messy. So I've pretty much spent the past hour cleaning, which is what I do when I'm preoccupied.
I guess I've just been thinking a lot...and not in a bad way, actually. Last night a few people kept asking me if something was wrong, and honestly, nothing was wrong, I was just tired. But when people incessantly ask me if something is wrong, I look for things to be wrong because I feel like there should be something wrong (as ridiculous as that sounds). But I have no complaints, just questions.
I've been listening to a lot of songs that I liked back in 9th and 10th grade and it's bringing me back to a different time in my life. One particular song, the first time I listened to it, I was really happy. But not until the end did I remember who it reminded me of, and I smiled, knowing that things had changed. But that also bothers me. I'm glad things have changed because it's time I let go. But knowing that I no longer miss this person makes me scared because for so much of my life, missing this person has comforted me. Without that, I don't know how to act or even be. Now it's a different kind of miss...a miss that I have never experienced before. And I don't know how to go about it.
This person also effects everything and everyone else in my life. Always has, always will. When this part of my life changes, I change. And right now, I don't think it's a bad thing; I guess I'm just scared of how I'm going to feel down the line when I don't have my safety blanket anymore.
I've been missing Archies a lot lately. Everything seems to remind me of the school and of the people. And it's not that I'm not happy here because I really, really am, but sometimes I just feel like I've lost so much of the life I once had. It hurts knowing that it's never going to be that way again, even though I don't actually want that life anymore. I guess I just want to hold onto a piece of it, and it seems as if that piece gets smaller and smaller everyday.
I can't hear a song or smell a specific smell without being brought back to a time in my life, and it makes me happy. Spring makes me miss Spain so much. And it was only 9 days of my life, but I don't know...it was wonderful. Sometimes I just feel like I'm stuck, and I don't like that feeling, even if I like the place I'm stuck in.
Over the past couple weeks, I've talked to about 5 different people about my personal life. And a couple of them aren't actually people I'd normally talk to about this or anything like it. One person isn't actually someone I've talked to in years, but I guess you can all figure that out. And all this talk hasn't made it any easier, or any harder, really. I guess I'm just waiting for something to happen.
I'm waiting for something else to happen, too. And I honest to God don't know what it is, I'll just know when it happens.
The decision I made the other night: I know it's the right decision. But there's a reason why I've waited this long, and it's because I'm scared of missing out on something. And it's hard to admit that I'm not. But now I don't know what to do because I'm trying to do as little as possible and still get my point across.
Sometimes I don't know how I let everything get so complicated in my head when I honestly believe everything in life is so simple.
Sun makes me happy. I can't wait till summer.
I guess I've just been thinking a lot...and not in a bad way, actually. Last night a few people kept asking me if something was wrong, and honestly, nothing was wrong, I was just tired. But when people incessantly ask me if something is wrong, I look for things to be wrong because I feel like there should be something wrong (as ridiculous as that sounds). But I have no complaints, just questions.
I've been listening to a lot of songs that I liked back in 9th and 10th grade and it's bringing me back to a different time in my life. One particular song, the first time I listened to it, I was really happy. But not until the end did I remember who it reminded me of, and I smiled, knowing that things had changed. But that also bothers me. I'm glad things have changed because it's time I let go. But knowing that I no longer miss this person makes me scared because for so much of my life, missing this person has comforted me. Without that, I don't know how to act or even be. Now it's a different kind of miss...a miss that I have never experienced before. And I don't know how to go about it.
This person also effects everything and everyone else in my life. Always has, always will. When this part of my life changes, I change. And right now, I don't think it's a bad thing; I guess I'm just scared of how I'm going to feel down the line when I don't have my safety blanket anymore.
I've been missing Archies a lot lately. Everything seems to remind me of the school and of the people. And it's not that I'm not happy here because I really, really am, but sometimes I just feel like I've lost so much of the life I once had. It hurts knowing that it's never going to be that way again, even though I don't actually want that life anymore. I guess I just want to hold onto a piece of it, and it seems as if that piece gets smaller and smaller everyday.
I can't hear a song or smell a specific smell without being brought back to a time in my life, and it makes me happy. Spring makes me miss Spain so much. And it was only 9 days of my life, but I don't know...it was wonderful. Sometimes I just feel like I'm stuck, and I don't like that feeling, even if I like the place I'm stuck in.
Over the past couple weeks, I've talked to about 5 different people about my personal life. And a couple of them aren't actually people I'd normally talk to about this or anything like it. One person isn't actually someone I've talked to in years, but I guess you can all figure that out. And all this talk hasn't made it any easier, or any harder, really. I guess I'm just waiting for something to happen.
I'm waiting for something else to happen, too. And I honest to God don't know what it is, I'll just know when it happens.
The decision I made the other night: I know it's the right decision. But there's a reason why I've waited this long, and it's because I'm scared of missing out on something. And it's hard to admit that I'm not. But now I don't know what to do because I'm trying to do as little as possible and still get my point across.
Sometimes I don't know how I let everything get so complicated in my head when I honestly believe everything in life is so simple.
Sun makes me happy. I can't wait till summer.