2005:
I got drunk on New Year’s. I initiated a kiss with a boy for the first time and he was blonde. I talked to Ashley about something that had been bothering me and she felt exactly the same way. I found out that one of my best friends is gay. I came back to school and I needed to figure something out, so I shut out the majority of my friends, even though one of them needed me at the time. I accompanied Ashley on her first trip to NYC. I cried myself to sleep at school for inexplicable reasons. I had a date on Valentine’s Day. I trusted someone. I found out something about a friend that I had no control over, yet I blamed myself for it. I called my grandmother on her birthday because I couldn’t be there. I got drunk on St. Patrick’s Day. I realized that I had been looking for an answer for quite some time, and when the answer finally came, it came in a far different way than I had expected. I was told by a guy with an English accent that I am “absolutely fabulous.” I gave up swearing, ice cream, and fast food for Lent. I told Nicole things on the 13th floor of Vander Poel that I’d never spoken out loud before. I watched Lifetime movies with Kim for an entire day. I went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. I walked around Central Park on a warm day. I remembered going to Aruba a year earlier, and mended a friendship in the process. I ripped my jeans while giving Kim a lap dance. I got really drunk and cried and threw up and spilled my guts to a lot of my close friends. I went to the bar with the majority of my friends at school. I finished my first year of college. I got straight As/A-s. I received my first car. I started working at Friendly’s again. I bought a blue mini iPOD. I didn’t go to the Elks on the 3rd of July. I drank in front of my family. I got wine drunk. I really talked to Him for the first time in years. I forgave myself for things I did or didn’t do years earlier. I threw a party. I kicked someone out of my house. I had a boy on my bed. I actually had more than one boy on my bed. I thought it was a sign that He came to the party while I was preoccupied. I got away with having a party. I was surprised by something my sister decided. I decided that I will move to California after I graduate law school. I saw my cousins and aunt from Florida for the first time in years. I made the firm decision to stop making out with random boys. I thought I lost my eighteen-year-old cousin. I slapped a guy in a club. I met my German half-uncle and half-cousin that I never knew I had. I danced around in my Archies uniform for fun. I walked around in my underwear in front of numerous others. I rode up and down a street on a bike 12 times and on the 12th time, the church bells rang 12 times, signaling that it was midnight. I swung on a swing for about 20 minutes and thoroughly enjoyed it and the freedom that I felt doing it. I bought an expensive purse. I danced in the rain at Fanuiel Hall. I threw a tampon at Ryan on the T. I drove to New York by myself. I started my Sophomore year of college. I received the series finale of Dawson’s Creek. I started going to the gym 5 days a week. I started liking someone completely wrong for me and enjoyed doing so. I officially got over Him. I walked around the South side of campus, drunk, with Nicole at 4 in the morning. I recorded Cynthia and I dancing around her room to “Hollaback Girl.” I dressed up as a Catholic school girl for Halloween. I was told a secret by a friend that no one else knows. I really understood math. I accompanied Mo on her first trip to NYC. I laid in the middle of the street with Dan, like in The Notebook. I did The Macarena on Wollaston beach in the winter. I did a cartwheel in my dorm room. I helped a friend get through something that had no real solution. I enjoyed my Creative Writing class almost too much. I downloaded “My Humps” as my ringtone. I cried in a bar. I told a boy that I loved him, but not like that, and I meant it, but not like that. I got a tour of NYC by taxi. I talked to Rich and he said that if life doesn’t get any better than this, then it’s still a pretty damn good life. I agreed. I had dinner with my high school Spanish teacher. I refused to wear a thong to mass on Christmas Eve because it felt wrong. I almost cried on Christmas because of a joke that my cousin made. I put a glove on while riding the train because I didn’t want to touch the dirty pole and a random guy laughed at me. I realized that I enjoy being a waitress at times. I watched The Notebook with my brother and I’m pretty sure he got teary-eyed at a couple parts. I spent the last hours of 2005 at my best friend’s apartment in Worcester. I took a lot of pictures. I don’t regret a thing. I realized that I’m probably the happiest I’ve ever been.