Aug 08, 2004 17:52
I watched the movie 28 Days (Sandra Bullock in Rehab) . . . just the thing to bring me out the emotionless void I have been living in the last week. Granted the week has been good, very busy full of my busy church life. But it has been a week empty of thought . . . a week I just lived instead of thinking about where my life is heading a month from now.
As to why 28 days brought me out of my emotionless void . . . cause it still sucks sometimes to think about the effect that my father's alcoholism has had on my family . . . on me.
As to where my life is headed a month from now, I am really moving to Columbus. And though I have not been able to process much in the thought department this week, there is a whole lot there. Hopefully I will be able to deal with some of it soon. I just wish I did not hurt so much inside. Truth is that part of me is afraid to be real, because real means vulnerable and vulnerable means a chance at rejection. And though I am sure life will offer me plenty of hurt as part of living and growing . . . I just wish it did not feel like it was all falling down at once.
I think being real is worth the risk . . . but just because I am going to do this, doesn't mean I am not scared out of my mind.
I just wish I did not feel like I was flying solo . . .