Scared!
Eric and I met with my surgeon this morning and went over all of the visuals.
We are going forward with the surgery on the 30th. I'm terrified. This will mean at least 6 weeks before I can work out. I've hardly missed a day of exercise in 10 years. If I want to be out of pain, this is a sacrifice I need to make. I'm going to need help if anyone ones to volunteer a day here or there to come chase Finn. I will be on crutches for about a week and then will have limited use depending on how much it hurts for the next few weeks. I definitely will not be able to pick up Finn... it's going to be tough. I'm scared I'm making the wrong decision.
I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. If I leave it, I could get arthritis. If I do it, I could get arthritis. Doh!
Eric said we should focus on the positive and so we are looking forward to me not being in pain and an effective surgery.
In other news, I had a complaint from a friendly reader that I don't follow-up on stories. So, my nipple did heal. I cleaned it, taped it together and put ointment on it. I have a scar and nursing was hell for a week and a half, but I did not go to a doctor like a total dumbass. I just got lucky.
I've also started back on the Effexor again and have stopped wanting to lay on the floor and cry out of hopelessness. I'm at 75 mg and will go up to twice that soon. I'm not having a bad experience this time, so maybe the nightmare and grinding was coincidental. I've had some hand shaking, but not bad and I've had that before with other medications. Most side effects seem to fade with time. I am going to read a book called the Noonday Demon that my therapist recommended to try and understand the history and culture of depression. It's definitely stigmitized by our society. It is easy to sell Americans the idea of control- just think positive, just snap out of it, just change wardrobes or lives or faces or what have you. It's not that simple for some of us, but the idea is seductive and can turn into another means to self deprecate. :/
Here's to hoping.
We are going forward with the surgery on the 30th. I'm terrified. This will mean at least 6 weeks before I can work out. I've hardly missed a day of exercise in 10 years. If I want to be out of pain, this is a sacrifice I need to make. I'm going to need help if anyone ones to volunteer a day here or there to come chase Finn. I will be on crutches for about a week and then will have limited use depending on how much it hurts for the next few weeks. I definitely will not be able to pick up Finn... it's going to be tough. I'm scared I'm making the wrong decision.
I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. If I leave it, I could get arthritis. If I do it, I could get arthritis. Doh!
Eric said we should focus on the positive and so we are looking forward to me not being in pain and an effective surgery.
In other news, I had a complaint from a friendly reader that I don't follow-up on stories. So, my nipple did heal. I cleaned it, taped it together and put ointment on it. I have a scar and nursing was hell for a week and a half, but I did not go to a doctor like a total dumbass. I just got lucky.
I've also started back on the Effexor again and have stopped wanting to lay on the floor and cry out of hopelessness. I'm at 75 mg and will go up to twice that soon. I'm not having a bad experience this time, so maybe the nightmare and grinding was coincidental. I've had some hand shaking, but not bad and I've had that before with other medications. Most side effects seem to fade with time. I am going to read a book called the Noonday Demon that my therapist recommended to try and understand the history and culture of depression. It's definitely stigmitized by our society. It is easy to sell Americans the idea of control- just think positive, just snap out of it, just change wardrobes or lives or faces or what have you. It's not that simple for some of us, but the idea is seductive and can turn into another means to self deprecate. :/
Here's to hoping.