Do horses have a speed limit?
Dear Finn,
You asked me this today and it made me laugh and ask, "What?!" I am not sure why it struck me as so hilarious, but we both had a good laugh. You clarified that you wanted to know if a police officer would give a horse a ticket if it was running too fast on the road. I told you that I honestly didn't know because horses don't generally run on the road, but I assumed the traffic police were more concerned with the vehicles on the road.
I had a meeting with your teacher today to discuss my current thinking about gifted schools and your well-being. I shared many of my concerns that I've shared on this journal already before whimpering about, "Of course I want Finn to learn environmental stewardship..." Blah, blah. Your teacher gave me a sympathetic look and reminded me that caring about a friend was a big concept for a four year old and while environmental stewardship is a great aspiration, it really is an adult concern. It's not fair to transfer that concern to the shoulders of my child by expecting him to bear so much responsibility and worry at such a young age. I felt... what did I feel? I thought I was keeping my observer self in full-working-order here, but clearly I've been projecting again. Of course I want you to share MY values which are about respecting diversity, tolerance, caring for the community and caring for our environment. Did I just get seduced by a shiny, well-organized program or were my desire for you to turn out "okay" by my standards just put on steroids at the first opportunity?
Your teacher guided me further down the road of reflection and I realized a few more points. I can't attempt to know what your future self will have wanted me to do... and there is no perfect school or right answer. There are social injustices taking place with these gifted schools as happens with most private schools, but we decide what is okay for our family while accepting that on many levels we may always be hypocrites. Finally, and most importantly, we talked about where you would be most happy. I don't have to take a breath before answering you would be most happy to remain at the Little School. The teaching style, creative environment and social/emotional education emphasis has been a wonderful fit for you.
So, why are we hotly pursuing these gifted schools and a potential change? I could start most answers with, "What if..." Not all what-ifs are worry based. I do think you fit better in a child-led learning curriculum and emotionally would fit in better and have more behavior success in a more open classroom. On the other hand, WHAT IF THE BIG BAD MONSTER OF LOST POSSIBILITY COMES AND EATS YOUR OPPORTUNITIES AND YOU CRY?!!!?! WHAT IF RELAXING MEANS YOU LOSE CHOICES FOR GRADUATE SCHOOL?! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!
No, but really, I'm anxious. I don't care so much about "success" as it's conventionally defined, but of course I want the best for you. It seems the movement in parenting at present is to do more, push harder and enrich deeper to bring our children into a happier future. I think I might... just might... hedge our bets and do something different. Maybe I will leave you in the place where you have blossomed so well in the past two years, where you have so many resources and a community that loves and supports you and your having a childhood. Maybe that will be okay... or maybe you can write me hate mail when you are thirty. Either way, I can handle it.
Love, Mom
You asked me this today and it made me laugh and ask, "What?!" I am not sure why it struck me as so hilarious, but we both had a good laugh. You clarified that you wanted to know if a police officer would give a horse a ticket if it was running too fast on the road. I told you that I honestly didn't know because horses don't generally run on the road, but I assumed the traffic police were more concerned with the vehicles on the road.
I had a meeting with your teacher today to discuss my current thinking about gifted schools and your well-being. I shared many of my concerns that I've shared on this journal already before whimpering about, "Of course I want Finn to learn environmental stewardship..." Blah, blah. Your teacher gave me a sympathetic look and reminded me that caring about a friend was a big concept for a four year old and while environmental stewardship is a great aspiration, it really is an adult concern. It's not fair to transfer that concern to the shoulders of my child by expecting him to bear so much responsibility and worry at such a young age. I felt... what did I feel? I thought I was keeping my observer self in full-working-order here, but clearly I've been projecting again. Of course I want you to share MY values which are about respecting diversity, tolerance, caring for the community and caring for our environment. Did I just get seduced by a shiny, well-organized program or were my desire for you to turn out "okay" by my standards just put on steroids at the first opportunity?
Your teacher guided me further down the road of reflection and I realized a few more points. I can't attempt to know what your future self will have wanted me to do... and there is no perfect school or right answer. There are social injustices taking place with these gifted schools as happens with most private schools, but we decide what is okay for our family while accepting that on many levels we may always be hypocrites. Finally, and most importantly, we talked about where you would be most happy. I don't have to take a breath before answering you would be most happy to remain at the Little School. The teaching style, creative environment and social/emotional education emphasis has been a wonderful fit for you.
So, why are we hotly pursuing these gifted schools and a potential change? I could start most answers with, "What if..." Not all what-ifs are worry based. I do think you fit better in a child-led learning curriculum and emotionally would fit in better and have more behavior success in a more open classroom. On the other hand, WHAT IF THE BIG BAD MONSTER OF LOST POSSIBILITY COMES AND EATS YOUR OPPORTUNITIES AND YOU CRY?!!!?! WHAT IF RELAXING MEANS YOU LOSE CHOICES FOR GRADUATE SCHOOL?! OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!! RUN FOR THE HILLS!!!
No, but really, I'm anxious. I don't care so much about "success" as it's conventionally defined, but of course I want the best for you. It seems the movement in parenting at present is to do more, push harder and enrich deeper to bring our children into a happier future. I think I might... just might... hedge our bets and do something different. Maybe I will leave you in the place where you have blossomed so well in the past two years, where you have so many resources and a community that loves and supports you and your having a childhood. Maybe that will be okay... or maybe you can write me hate mail when you are thirty. Either way, I can handle it.
Love, Mom