Neurosis goes for a very cold swim
Dear Finn,
Today we took you to Rattlesnake Ridge with the Dent family. We set up our canopy (which apparently I don't remember buying due to the side effects of ECT) and then blew up our raft with the car-attached-device-thingy that Eric uses to make it happen. You didn't flinch at getting in the water, so I supposed it was a reasonable temperature. I just swam there a month ago, but clearly the cold nights have taken it down a few degrees. I swam and swam, but I had to stop several times to let my body temperature acclimate. You loved being in the water with me, climbing on tree stumps since the river bed is so low right now due to the lack of rain. You also loved sitting on Daddy's lap and "oaring" about the lake. Jodie and Rob got the girls in their boat and we enjoyed a briefer jog about as the girls were quickly cold and then J and R's boat sprung a leak. You had fun playing with Ella and Evie as well. While we were cleaning up, I saw the three of you taking turns pretending to be a bee. You would buzz and they would pretend to scream in terror and then you would change to someone else's turn. You are such a big boy for taking turns and for pretending anything, frankly. You are adorable. The rest of the evening was a mix of overly tired and hyper. Mom was quietly making dinner, using the rest of her energy wisely while you ran about like a wild man and insisted that I dance with you and Daddy to "Rocket Man". Right now you like any song that contains the word "rocket". We are reading a book about taking time to hug mom even while you are busy in the world of play and you love it because it gives you ample opportunity to show me affection. I won't pretend that I don't eat it up and sometimes... need it.
It was also healthy for me to get some time alone with the crystal quiet, freezing to the point that I can't feel my hip, looking up at the mountain and just being awed by life. I feel turned around and inside out by my own issues these days. While I've been trying to focus on them less, sometimes it only does so good. Sometimes Eric's encouragement to just, "get in already and bear it" is the best way to shock the excess thoughts from my system.
I will close with a quote from a book that I've been browsing where relevant called "It sucked and then I cried: How I had a baby, a breakdown and a much needed margarita." It's nothing like my experience with "the Help: a novel" which I still can't go on enough about. I love to feel transported and "the Help" did that for me... and I learned so much.
So here is the quote:
"There are many people in my life who are embarrassed that I can freely admit this about myself, that I have to take pills to be happy, but before the pills I had tried a few of the other options that are out there for people like me:
1. I ignored that weird, sad feeling.
2. I substituted bad thoughts with thoughts of unicorns.
3. I exercised until the pain in my legs seemed far worse than the pain in my heart.
4. I overrate to drown the sorrow.
5. I prayed that God would give me the will to get over it already." (pg. 3-4)
I know how she feels, unfortunately.
Today we took you to Rattlesnake Ridge with the Dent family. We set up our canopy (which apparently I don't remember buying due to the side effects of ECT) and then blew up our raft with the car-attached-device-thingy that Eric uses to make it happen. You didn't flinch at getting in the water, so I supposed it was a reasonable temperature. I just swam there a month ago, but clearly the cold nights have taken it down a few degrees. I swam and swam, but I had to stop several times to let my body temperature acclimate. You loved being in the water with me, climbing on tree stumps since the river bed is so low right now due to the lack of rain. You also loved sitting on Daddy's lap and "oaring" about the lake. Jodie and Rob got the girls in their boat and we enjoyed a briefer jog about as the girls were quickly cold and then J and R's boat sprung a leak. You had fun playing with Ella and Evie as well. While we were cleaning up, I saw the three of you taking turns pretending to be a bee. You would buzz and they would pretend to scream in terror and then you would change to someone else's turn. You are such a big boy for taking turns and for pretending anything, frankly. You are adorable. The rest of the evening was a mix of overly tired and hyper. Mom was quietly making dinner, using the rest of her energy wisely while you ran about like a wild man and insisted that I dance with you and Daddy to "Rocket Man". Right now you like any song that contains the word "rocket". We are reading a book about taking time to hug mom even while you are busy in the world of play and you love it because it gives you ample opportunity to show me affection. I won't pretend that I don't eat it up and sometimes... need it.
It was also healthy for me to get some time alone with the crystal quiet, freezing to the point that I can't feel my hip, looking up at the mountain and just being awed by life. I feel turned around and inside out by my own issues these days. While I've been trying to focus on them less, sometimes it only does so good. Sometimes Eric's encouragement to just, "get in already and bear it" is the best way to shock the excess thoughts from my system.
I will close with a quote from a book that I've been browsing where relevant called "It sucked and then I cried: How I had a baby, a breakdown and a much needed margarita." It's nothing like my experience with "the Help: a novel" which I still can't go on enough about. I love to feel transported and "the Help" did that for me... and I learned so much.
So here is the quote:
"There are many people in my life who are embarrassed that I can freely admit this about myself, that I have to take pills to be happy, but before the pills I had tried a few of the other options that are out there for people like me:
1. I ignored that weird, sad feeling.
2. I substituted bad thoughts with thoughts of unicorns.
3. I exercised until the pain in my legs seemed far worse than the pain in my heart.
4. I overrate to drown the sorrow.
5. I prayed that God would give me the will to get over it already." (pg. 3-4)
I know how she feels, unfortunately.