I stopped thinking along those lines partly b/c it resulted only in me getting hurt, but mostly b/c I felt I was being closed-minded towards sexuality and truth. It's like this: When you see someone whom you naturally find physically attractive, you can't change the fact that you find him or her attractive. It's human nature. Why suppress it? Plus, there have been times when I expressed my attraction to another person's body while I had a boyfriend, and not only did I know it meant nothing for me to be saying that, but I also knew that I would rather stare at my boyrfriend for hours than look at the other attactive person. Of course, this was in different settings... he wasn't sitting on MY lap at the time, and plus I don't usually remark on the appearance of guys.
Another thing is this: if I want him to hold it in when he finds another person physically attractive, then shouldn't I reasonably also wish he hold in any positive opinions of other girls? Such as the fact that another girl has a great sense of humor, or charisma, or an attractive mind? Not only would it be hypocritical of me to try and stifle one human instinct and not another, but it would also be unfair to him. As human beings, we have opinions of others. Physical attraction is one type. Mental attraction is simply another. I can't stifle someone simply because I wish I was the only female he ever noticed in any way. There are guys whom I positively know I would date if Goose and I ever break up.
Or do you feel this is simply a matter of keeping one's mouth shut?
Does this make sense to you, or do you feel I'm making excuses for him?
Thanx for the help. I'm considering proposing to you again ;)
Well, I don't think that you should say everything that comes into your head; that's part of being a nice/polite person. If what you're going to say will probably hurt the other person, then don't say it. If you're in a bad mood at the time, then I don't think you should control yourself like that. And if you're asked, I don't see any reason why you should hold back the truth, it's their fault for asking.
I see sense of humor, personality, the mind, and possibly even charisma as attributes to look for in a friend as well as in a girlfriend/boyfriend. I don't see physical attractiveness as a necessary quality in a friend. Commenting on those other characteristics doesn't necessarily mean you want to go out with them. Besides, as you know someone longer, you get to know more about their personality, you get to see how their sense of humor manifests itself in new situations, which gives you new things to talk about. Barring any big changes in appearance, I don't see why you'd need to talk about appearance again, unless you got to know it better. If I had a girlfriend who was getting to know some other guy's body better, then I'd suspect that she's cheating on me.
It does sound like you're making excuses for him now. You get upset at him for expressing himself, then you tell me you don't want to "stifle [him] simply because I wish I was the only female he ever noticed in any way." However, in your story, you didn't seem to try to stifle him, you just told him it hurt.
My Rebuttleradiant_rawNovember 6 2004, 12:28:32 UTC
What's The Difference Of Him Saying That Or You Saying Something About Some Other Girl Being Hot? Saying They're Hot Doesn't Really Mean Anything, The Fact Of The Matter Is When The Page Turns He Won't Even Remember What He Just Saw, And Most Likely Talk To You. If You Feel Comfortable Enough Around A Guy To Say When Another Chick Is Hot, Shouldn't You Be Comforted That He Feels The Same Respect Toward You?
Re: My Rebuttleradiant_rawNovember 7 2004, 20:10:54 UTC
True. I guess it goes both ways. I was more upset that he took notice of it despite his having my full attention. I mean, shouldn't he have been giving me enough of his attention at that point that he wouldn't be taking time to check out some other girl? It's not like I was checking anyone out, cuz i was focused on him. But, alas, you're right. I just need to get used to it. It's a respect and openess thing, once again. Thanx for clarifying stuff =)
When you see someone whom you naturally find physically attractive, you can't change the fact that you find him or her attractive. It's human nature. Why suppress it? Plus, there have been times when I expressed my attraction to another person's body while I had a boyfriend, and not only did I know it meant nothing for me to be saying that, but I also knew that I would rather stare at my boyrfriend for hours than look at the other attactive person. Of course, this was in different settings... he wasn't sitting on MY lap at the time, and plus I don't usually remark on the appearance of guys.
Another thing is this: if I want him to hold it in when he finds another person physically attractive, then shouldn't I reasonably also wish he hold in any positive opinions of other girls? Such as the fact that another girl has a great sense of humor, or charisma, or an attractive mind? Not only would it be hypocritical of me to try and stifle one human instinct and not another, but it would also be unfair to him. As human beings, we have opinions of others. Physical attraction is one type. Mental attraction is simply another. I can't stifle someone simply because I wish I was the only female he ever noticed in any way. There are guys whom I positively know I would date if Goose and I ever break up.
Or do you feel this is simply a matter of keeping one's mouth shut?
Does this make sense to you, or do you feel I'm making excuses for him?
Thanx for the help. I'm considering proposing to you again ;)
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I see sense of humor, personality, the mind, and possibly even charisma as attributes to look for in a friend as well as in a girlfriend/boyfriend. I don't see physical attractiveness as a necessary quality in a friend. Commenting on those other characteristics doesn't necessarily mean you want to go out with them. Besides, as you know someone longer, you get to know more about their personality, you get to see how their sense of humor manifests itself in new situations, which gives you new things to talk about. Barring any big changes in appearance, I don't see why you'd need to talk about appearance again, unless you got to know it better. If I had a girlfriend who was getting to know some other guy's body better, then I'd suspect that she's cheating on me.
It does sound like you're making excuses for him now. You get upset at him for expressing himself, then you tell me you don't want to "stifle [him] simply because I wish I was the only female he ever noticed in any way." However, in your story, you didn't seem to try to stifle him, you just told him it hurt.
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But, alas, you're right. I just need to get used to it. It's a respect and openess thing, once again.
Thanx for clarifying stuff =)
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