I am crazy.
Well. I've looked at Livejournal probably once in the past two months. It just no longer appeals to me, ever since I figured out that all it does is make me feel alone. Not to mention school + work + life = no time for internet, or at least not willingly
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thanks for saying that we are ALL sooo boring here in seattle. I know its hard to re-ajust to everything, but in all honesty...you have to. You can't keep living like you did in Croatia you have to live like you do in seattle.
In my personal expierence I stopped hanging out with you because you seemed to put off this air of you thought you were better then everyone eles...all you ever talked about was croatia, you always related EVERYTHING and ANYTHING we were talking about to the expierence's you had in croatia and its just not really annoying and not really offensive but somewere in between those two. And I think its so bothersome because we can't know what your talking about cause we obviously have never been to croatia and most of us have never been out of the country.
You had your life there, and its somthing that I am sure you'll never forget. But in all honesty, you need to move on from it. You need to be able to keep that memory alive without making into a huge deal. Like, in your entry for instance you said "Guess who's going to apply, and has a pretty damned good shot at entrance, what with gathered linguistic skills and cultural knowledge... Yeah. I hold onto that place like an old lover", and that to me comes across like you are better then we are because you had the chance to leave America for the amount of time you did. You may not have known you even made it sound like that, I mean I don't know. But I just want to let you know that that is how it came across to the rest of us.
And then the last thing I wanted to talk about was already mentioned in the pharagraphs above but I just wanted to reiterate to you. In your entry you said "Because it feels more like home than home ever has.
Because life here is just so stale."
I feel like you just wish you never came home. And that sucks. I know you had a GREAT time in croatia and it changed you and all, but you have to relize that by saying those things you hurt those of us who were there before you even left. Its like all the sudden you seem to only need those who understood you in croatia or are whiling to listen to things about croatia.
I am not saying this to be rude, and I apologize if I came across rude or inconsiderate in ANYWAY. I just wanted to point this out before you lost anymore friends or any friends at all. Cause everyone deserve good friend's and the least I can do is be honest.
-Jac
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Not to mention, I LIVED IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY FOR A YEAR. IT CHANGES A PERSON.
Why do I talk about Croatia? Same reason all the other exchange student friends I had in Croatia talk about it. Because it's under all of our skin. Because you can't let it go. When I came back, I was in a state of total culture shock for months. I'm still not out of it. Probably never will be. And so I don't know what the hell you got from it, but the reason I related everything to Croatia is it was my life, not bragging rights, Jaclyn.
And move on? Oh fuck off, it's my career choice, passion and dream. Getting involved in humanitarianism mixed with translating... is that really such a bad thing? I got decently fluent, and you think I should move on and drop it? So do you think Ramana's an asshole for not particularly loving America either, getting fluent in Spanish, and planning on studying there for a second time?
Jaclyn, the reason I stopped talking to you is because, in all honesty, I didn't think it was cool that you (blanked) the pretty much off-limits guy-of-interest-ish of a mutual friend of ours, and I wasn't really all that down with being all friend-y when she was so hurt by your deception.
Okay, also, about my friends? I have such wonderful friends. Those who know me know that in this post, I'M NOT TALKING ABOUT THEM. I love my friends so much. They are amazing, good-hearted people who keep me sane, make my life bearable, and the thought of leaving them kills me. You don't believe me? Well, it does. And the thought that makes the thought of the distance bearable is that we're good enough friends to maintain all the love over oceans. And really, how many fucking friends do you think I left behind in Croatia? You think it's just the country? It's the people... Sanja, Petra, Marko, Petra, Plavac, you want me to continue?
Okay, and lastly, to address where you took the quote from my entry... Do you realize how many things I suck at? I worked my ass off to get where I am in this whole thing, with the language. I feel confident, and yes, it pleases me that I actually have a shot at something, for once. I was happy. Not trying to be an arrogant bitch.
So, basically, I'm just saying whatever. Because firstly, to not realize that most of what you said was offensive somehow is pretty blantantly unseeing, and also, to completely twist something about someone you, frankly, don't know at all anymore is almost amusing more than anything. I mean, shit, Jaclyn.
Anyway, so, go ahead, believe what you want, skew my point, tell me I'm the arrogant one. I was saying only that I'm fucking sick and tired of this capitalistic nightmare and plastic lives and limitations and being here... It's America, America is, to me, the monster... And you completely missed my point, so say whatever the fuck you want, but in the end, just know that really, when it comes to people who don't know me well enough, when it comes to them completely skewing my thoughts and words, I don't give a shit.
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Fuckin A.
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It was really frusterating for me to read what you wrote about the situation of me getting with David and the whole Chelsea issues. As soon as I read it I thought about the meanest possable things I could say to you to hurt you, but I didn't write those things. I left those out because they had nothing to do with this conversation at all. What happened between the 3 of us (chel, myself and david) happened between us and no one eles. Personaly, I felt like you were just saying that to hurt me and piss me off. And initially it really worked.
Now, however, I just want to clarify what was unclear before. I don't want to hurt you, Tessa. That was NEVER EVER my intent, even while writing it I kept going back and making sure that what I was writing was easy to understand and that it couldn't be intrapted the wrong way. But apperently I didn't really do a good enough job. I only ment to point out that I feel like you don't need those of us who were here before you left. You have those that understand your Croatian side, and you have the kids from Shoreline. Its like you don't need the rest of us anymore.
Because we haven't had the wonderful expierence you have had of traveling out of the country or even getting ot move up to college we can't relate to alot of the things. And its hard for us, well I'll start saying me, to really understand and...relate to you. I want to, I really do. But I can't. I can't understand how it is to be able to speak another language and get to use that as your job, just like you can't understand many of my expiernces I've had.
All in all, it just feels like you don't want "us" or me around. I apologize for using lj for all this, I should have just called you but this seemed like a more appropriate way to do it. Next time, I'll make sure to call or talk to you to your face so that I can get my point across a little better so you don't get hurt in the process of things.
-jac
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-jac
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