Three Memories (Charlie's POV), Charlie/Colby, 5/? of Getting Here, PG
Title: Three Memories (Charlie's POV)
Series/Chapter: Getting Here (5/?)
Author: radfiction
Pairing: Charlie/Colby
Rating: PG
Word Count: 4612
Summary:: Charlie recalls how Colby came into his life
Feedback: Yes, please!
Warnings: Still lots of introspection
Main Story Setting: Season 3 between The Mole and The Janus List
Flashack Settings: From start of Season 2 through Assassin
Spoilers: Through Trust Metric
X-Posted:savecolby and numb3rs_slash and red_gumballs
Disclaimer: D0n't 0wn, n0t pr0f1t1ng, just hav1ng fun
[ Previous Chapt3r ]
Colby was in the shower as Charlie woke. Shaking the sleep from his head, he listened to the stream of water coming from the shower, and judging from the sound, Colby would soon be getting out of the shower and begin shaving. When alone, the FBI agent was very methodical about how he showered. Washing between his tows was at the end of his routine, and the only time he leaned in such as way that the spray primarily hit the glass shower door with a distinct sound.
The mathematical equations describing the path of the water from the shower head down to Colby's muscular back and deflecting against the glass door, and for the acoustic reverberations created from the water hitting the door, swept into his mind, bringing Charlie fully awake. Well, the equations and the image of Colby in the shower naked, dripping wet, and soapy.
Charlie was concerned about Colby's recent sleep patterns. His lover used to drift to sleep before him, especially after sex, and be roused by Charlie's movements in the morning. Lately, Charlie was sure that Colby lay awake for hours after he fell asleep and was consistently out of bed before him. When he asked, the FBI agent passed it off as work, but Charlie knew better. Something was bothering his lover, and the fact that he would not talk to him about it, meant it involved him.
Although he wasn't really a member of the team, Charlie worked with them enough that he and Colby regularly talked about cases, even when the team had not brought Charlie in officially. And, they had long since broken down the barrier of Colby being hesitant to gripe about Don to Charlie, afraid to put Charlie in the position of taking sides between his brother and lover. So, Charlie was sure that whatever was going on involved him, and that's what really bothered him, because whatever it was, it was consuming Colby, and not in a good way.
He was scared that Colby was done... That he wanted out, but felt trapped because he didn't really want to hurt Charlie. Or, Charlie thought with a grimace, face the wrath Don promised him should the young agent hurt his brother. The problem was, Charlie wasn't done... he was totally in love. But, of course, if being with him made Colby miserable, he had to find a way to fix it, or let him go.
Charlie felt a part of his heart break, just at the thought. He rolled over to Colby's side of the bed and breathed in the scent of his lover. They had been together for about 18 months, but in some ways it seemed that Charlie's life - at least his life in the world outside of his head - really began with Colby. Breathing deep, and savoring the last remnants of his lover's warmth from the bed beneath him, Charlie started reminiscing about how Colby came into his life.
[The first encounter]
What he remembered first was catching his breath. Don had called him in to the office to consult on a new case, and as he scanned the room, there were two people with Don and David that he didn't recognize. A woman around Don's age, with hair just below her shoulders, light eyes, and very graceful movements, and a man closer to his age who was stunning - literally breath-taking.
Luckily, Charlie took all this in while seeming to be lost in the papers he was carrying. He had never really been good at hiding his reaction to things in the world, but realized early in life that if he seemed to be studying data or doing some calculations, he could pass any reaction off as being about some fascinating aspect of the data and no one ever questioned him about it. So, he spent most of his life observing the world sideways through the curls that hung just low enough to obscure where he was really looking.
As he took a second glance at the man chatting with David, he noticed his body for the first time. At first glance, Charlie had only seen the man's angelic face and a 1,000,000 watt smile that not only took his breath away, but made him weak in the knees. As he took in the man's body, his mind immediately started calculating his mass. He was about the same height as David, but with broader shoulders and, as best Charlie could tell, muscles packed tight and dense on his frame.
Although not the sports fan his brother is, Charlie had recently done some work for an NFL team and his calculations led him to the conclusion that the man had the perfect proportions for a linebacker in the NFL, though he'd be in the left tail of the distribution in height and mass. And the next image in Charlie's mind was of being tackled to the ground by this man. This time his knees actually failed and he stumbled, turning heads. Charlie played it off that he should pay more attention to walking and less to his data, but really, he knew this man had brought him to his knees and he didn't even know his name.
[the slip]
That scene melted into the a visit from Colby at his office. It was after the Skyler Wyatt case, and Colby had come by to ask Charlie some questions for his report. Charlie was glad it was Colby who seemed to be the one who Don appointed as the 'math liaison' for the team. Not because he enjoyed looking at the man - which he did, thoroughly - but because it was actually easier to explain things to Colby than the others.
Realizing this, Charlie originally wondered if his attraction to the man might have somehow improved his ability to communicate his thoughts. Ever the scientist, Charlie did some analysis, considering applications in higher education. But, his analysis revealed the significant effect was from Colby Granger, not the interaction term between them. Colby, he realized, had a naturally analytical mind and an ability to think more abstractly than Don or David.
In fact, Colby had even begun to bring things to Charlie in terms of abstract models instead of the specifics of a case, writing reports that described not only what Charlie did in this case, but also how it might be applied in other cases. In this particular case, Colby was asking if the improvements to FISH he used to determine that Skyler's fan mail was from two different people could be used to help spot forgeries in other types of documents.
"Based on what you said about the ordering of letters within a word, it may not be very helpful in detecting a forged signature, since the order would always be the same, but what about something like a suicide note?" Colby asked.
Charlie was again impressed with how well the young man was able to find new ways to extend the math from one case to other settings.
"Yes - on both counts," Charlie agreed. "We could come up with some parameters around the type of documents that would and would not be appropriate for this type of analysis."
And, Colby was visibly excited as they talked through different possibilities. Charlie was writing out the math for the filter, based on length of document, presumed emotional state of author, and other variables, and sensing Colby smiling behind him said "You've got a natural talent for math, Colby. And, I think you're as excited about this as I am."
Colby's voice was full of pride and excitement when he said "It's all you, Professor. I was never excited by math before."
Charlie's heart stopped. Luckily, he had his back to the agent. Invoking another coping mechanism he had learned over the years, he continued to scribble on the board and, to feign missing the comment, he softly mumbled the terms he was writing, getting louder as he continued. He'd found people often assumed he was lost in his equations when he did this, so when he finished writing - taking longer than necessary so he could regain his composure - he turned around, put a questioning look on his face, braced himself to respond better this time.
"Huh? I'm sorry, what?"
Colby, who had apparently been studying his back, looked directly at Charlie and rephrased his answer, "Oh, I just said that it's the mark of a great professor to make math exciting."
"Thanks," Charlie replied. He thought about pushing it or adding a comment about Colby as a student, but decided against it, not trusting his voice and saying a silent "thanks" that his hair was long enough to hide any signs of blushing on his neck, since he had the sense Colby had been studying his reaction to the first comment intensely.
"Not great enough to make me want to HAVE to do math, though, so don't think you're recruiting me into grad school or anything," Colby added with a smile, clearly trying to lighten the mood while still studying Charlie's face.
"Colb, we're CalSci, we don't have to recruit," Charlie said with his best elitist affectation, all the while thinking It's not grad school I want to recruit you for. Luckily, the agent laughed, and they returned to the work. But, Charlie made a mental note of the conversation.
Colby's first comment was far more personal than the rephrased version. The fact that he changed it the second time through suggested that the original comment was uncensored. Was it a slip of the tongue? An insight into the man he had not intended to reveal, and then did his best to pull back? Or, was Charlie just being optimistic - Seeing and hearing what he wanted to? I need more data, Charlie decided.
After they finished and his visitor left, Charlie started re-evaluating all the data he had stored away about Colby Granger. He knew he was in the Army's Criminal Investigation Division, had transitioned into the FBI in the past two months, did some sports in school, and grew up in Idaho.
He never heard him mention having gone on a date, let alone a significant other. No ring on his finger, and no sign of a feminine touch in his wardrobe. But, he was very neatly groomed - not in a metro-sexual manner - but more in a 'I care about my appearance, my clothes, and my stuff' sort of way - but that could just be a military thing.
From what he saw, Colby treated David like an older brother - not like he treated Don, but how he had seen other brothers act. He seemed protective of Megan and seemed to see Don primarily as a commanding officer.
"I need more data," Charlie repeated out loud, this time.
"For what?" Larry asked, bringing Charlie out of his mental analysis.
"Huh?" he stalled. "Oh, just some FBI-related analysis I'm doing." Charlie worded his reply very carefully, deciding he wasn't ready to share this with Larry yet, but also unwilling to actually lie to him.
The next week, Charlie had been observing from the sidelines again when he heard Colby refer to him as "Whiz Kid." He couldn't resist letting him know he overheard him and teasing him just a bit. Colby's stammered attempt at an explanation-slash-apology had amused Charlie to no end, but he actually felt a little bad about teasing him, and let him off the hook saying he took it as a compliment. And, really, he did. He took it as a sign of endearment - like a pet name. Maybe it is, he thought, optimistically, and smiled.
Later, when Colby stopped by for an update on the Shay case, he seemingly thought Charlie was too immersed in his work to notice that he was at the door, so he studied the office as if he'd never seen it before. Charlie continued to work until Colby made his presence known explicitly, but part of his mind was assessing why Colby was studying the office so intently. Was he looking for insights into Charlie?
What an interesting game of cat and mouse we seem to be playing.
But, two could play at that game, and when Colby grabbed a gumball, Charlie asked him which one he took. He wasn't actually running an experiment with the gumballs, but figured it would be fun to let Colby think he may have just revealed something about himself by his choice.
When Colby said red, the first thing Charlie thought was the color of lust, which he found interesting, and told Colby so - the interesting part, not the lust part, though he was tempted. But, as much as Charlie wanted it to mean that Colby was consumed with lust when in his presence, statistically he knew it was meaningless. However, the expression on Colby's face was priceless.
Games aside, it didn't take Charlie long to figure out there was something going on with Colby. Charlie heard and saw him dropping all sorts of hints over the course of the next couple weeks. Charlie knew he had better powers of observation than to have missed such hints earlier, so this was new. The timing was intriguing: Within a week of a slip of the tongue, he's now trying to let his team know that he's gay - or at least Don, since it seems the hints only dropped when Don was around.
Charlie considered and dismissed the idea that Colby was trying to hit on his brother. The comments weren't suggestive, nothing as personal as the comment in his office. Don, it seemed, had not put it together yet, understandably. Don naturally assumed everyone was straight, like most straight people did, and selectively and unconsciously ignored information that contradicted that - selective perception at work, he thought to himself.
Charlie wanted to believe that Colby's need to tell Don was some old-fashioned sense of country manners, like a gentleman caller asking permission from the father before courting his daughter.
If it wasn't so damned charming, Charlie thought, I should be offended that I'd be playing the part of the blushing debutant in this scenario. - But caught himself when he remembered just how much he had blushed at Colby's comment in his office.
Though again, as much as he wanted to believe that was the case, he didn't. First off, he wasn't entirely sure that the young agent had actually figured out that Charlie would - or even could - reciprocate his interest. Charlie was always amazed that more people didn't know about his lack of preference, but selective perception applied even more to him, since he did date and flirt with woman on a regular basis. More likely, he thought, Colby's slip made him realize he needed to come clean, at least with Don, before it - or he - came out some other way.
It was then Charlie fully realized that anything he might want to pursue with Colby would affect Don. Charlie respected that, and waited to see how soon Don would connect the dots, so he could talk about it with him before testing the waters with Colby.
[Big Brother]
Following that train of thought, the next memory that came to him was Don coming over the house clearly wanting to talk about something, but seemingly unsure how to bring it up. They eventually found their way out to the back yard, and Don finally got around to it. "So, you dating anyone these days?"
"No. I'm beginning to see your point about how the FBI makes it complicated. Besides the time drain, not being able to talk about stuff makes it hard," Charlie said. Then, on a hunch, added, "Why, you playing matchmaker?"
Don laughed, "That would be pretty hypocritical of me, wouldn't it." Charlie laughed and, after getting a noncommittal answer to his inquiry about Nadine, decided to leave it at that.
Eventually, Don started again.
"So, Charlie, can I ask you something?" With a feigned look of frustration from his brother, Don amended "something else?"
"Sure, what's up?"
"How have you met the guys that you've dated - at clubs?"
Even suspecting where the conversation was going, it took Charlie a second to make sense of the question.
"Sometimes. The clubs have positively and negatively valanced attributes in terms of dating."
"Only you could describe a gay bar mathematically," Don teased.
"What did you expect?" Charlie retorted. He wasn't really annoyed, but it still bothered him a little that Don didn't get that his world WAS math. He contemplated striking back by saying he should ask Colby, but he toned it down, "I'm sure you know other gay or bi men who speak something closer to your language, you could ask them."
"Actually, I'm pretty sure there's a guy at the bureau - " Don started, but Charlie cut in, the frustration giving way to the math pouring out of him.
"Statistically, there's bound to be both men and women, and more than one of each."
"Right. What I meant was, ..." And he hesitated. Charlie waited patiently for all of three seconds before finishing the thought.
"You meant your new agent has been dropping hints and you're wondering if he's gay."
Don turned and looked at Charlie with that tortured smile - a combination of frustration and pride. Charlie knew that Don was both amused and annoyed by his ability to figure stuff like this out.
"So, can I consult to the FBI on math and on 'gay'," Charlie smiled and made exaggerated air quotes on the last word.
Don laughed and asked, "How did you know?"
"He's been dropping hints around you for a couple weeks, Don. My calculations indicate that if you didn't figure it out soon, he was going to come to the office wearing a feather boa and start belting out show tunes sometime next week."
Both men laughed. "How long have you known?" Don asked.
"About a week and half. You?"
"Last Saturday." Don related the story of watching the baseball game. Charlie, on the other hand, did not relate the story from his office. He was suddenly less enthusiastic about the conversation than he had been, and did not pick up the conversation when Don finished the story.
"What?" Don asked after a couple minutes of silence.
"What, what?" parroted the younger Eppes.
"You went away - but not in the way you do when you're doing math," Don explained. "More like, I don't know, sad maybe. Something wrong?"
"Nah. Not really," Charlie said. But, when Don raised his eyebrow, he added, "I was thinking I should try to get to the gym on campus more regularly."
Don smiled. This time it took him no time to connect the dots.
"So, you're interested?"
Charlie was not particularly surprised that his brother made the connection.
"I'm attracted to him, yes. But, I realize it would be complicated with him being on your team," Charlie started. But when Don gave him another look, added "I know. You've done it and I don't even work for the FBI officially."
"So," the elder Eppes asked?
"Well, I did think he might be interested at one point, but if Molina's his type, I'm probably not," Charlie conceded.
"On the other hand," Don started, then paused, teasing his brother.
"On the other hand, what?" Charlie demanded impatiently.
"The other day the team was out for beers, and we started talking about what we're attracted to," Don picked up with a smile.
"Oh, were you ogling someone's neck at the time?" Charlie piped in, trying to get back at his brother.
"You want to hear this story or not?" Don feigned annoyance.
"Yes, please. Continue."
"Anyway, we were talking about what we are attracted to, and he said that there was nothing as sexy as smart. And you've got smart in spades, Chuck."
Charlie smiled at his big brother's clear attempt to cheer him up and boost his ego, but also annoy him with the nick name he hated. He had succeeded more in the former than the latter.
"Really? He said that?" By now Charlie's smile had nothing to do with his brother.
"Yep. There's a lot more to him than meets the eye, you know," Don offered.
"Actually, that I did know. He's got a really analytical mind. So, what? Are you actually trying to fix us up?" Charlie asked.
"No. You do what you want, buddy. But, I like him and I trust him. He's a good man and I think he'd be good to whoever he was with. I'm just saying, don't use me, or the Bureau, or anything as an excuse not to go for something you want. And don't assume he's not interested without at least, uh, what is it you always say, collecting some data." This time Don made air quotes, but with far less flare than Charlie had.
Charlie smiled and nodded his agreement, and both men fell silent.
Don broke the silence a few minutes later. "Three things, Charlie."
Charlie looked at him, "First?" he asked.
"I will need to know if there's something going on between you. Don't hide it from me," Don said, holding his brother's eye.
"That makes sense. Obviously it could impact the team. Done," Charlie agreed. "Second?"
"I don't need to know the details!" Don amended, with a squeamish tone.
Charlie laughed. "You mean, I shouldn't fill you in on the details of our sexual escapades?" Charlie's initial smile was at his brother's queasiness, but it melted into something more lascivious as he contemplated the words he had just spoken.
Don shook his whole body, "Exactly!"
Charlie nodded, saying "Well, I haven't really done that with anyone I've dated lately, have I? So, it shouldn't be a problem. No promises, but I will do my best. And Third?"
Don just looked at him, conveying his meaning without a word.
"Oh, you're going to have a talk with him if we do date, aren't you?" Charlie surmised.
"I figured I should let you know, in case you want to warn him," Don explained.
"Well, I'd try to talk you out of it, but I know better. I do know that I want to get to the point where I'd need to warn him, though, so I'm going to ask him out. Soon."
Don smiled, "Good for you." And then added, "And him."
Charlie smiled and added, "I'll let you know when and if you should have your talk with him."
And so had Charlie started planning right then. After the disastrous date with Amita, he had gotten tickets for them to go to the White Stripes concert as another try. But, he had already decided against it for several reasons. Mostly it was his conversation with Gabriel Ruiz, making him realize how much burden Don actually bore just because of his job, so he had decided to go to Aunt Irene's 80th birthday party with his dad.
And, if he was honest with himself, getting the tickets was more about getting out of Aunt Irene's party than it was about trying again with Amita. Because, really he really couldn't talk to Amita about stuff like his NSA consulting that was so relevant to the work he was doing with Don right now, and it was more than just a security clearance thing.
He had seen that look on her face when she asked how he knew about assassination techniques. That work is not something she would approve of. Like many mathematicians, she saw the world in very discreet ways - right and wrong, black and white - and that, he suspected, was one of the reasons they could not talk about anything but math itself, because he was all about shades of gray.
And he was definitely attracted to Colby. A big part of that was physical - how could you not be attracted to that man? - but it was also that he felt a kindred spirit there. Like Charlie, Colby was wise beyond his years.
For Charlie, that had come from the disconnect between his chronological and mental age - college at 13 is a wake up call, even for a genius. Colby, it seems, had seen - and been party to - a lot of hellish events in Afghanistan. Charlie reasoned that Colby must have grown up fast to make the transition from a potato farm in Idaho to that and still perform well. Yet, unlike Sinclair, Colby smiled all the time. He somehow managed to keep from becoming jaded by that experience, and Charlie was really attracted to that, too.
And, of course, the man was clearly quite intelligent, which just made him all the more appealing to Charlie. So, given that he was definitely going to pursue him, the next question was how.
It took him no time to decide that he needed to be direct and assertive. He figured he had to make the first move, otherwise Colby may not ever get around to it. He wasn't even sure if Colby knew he would be interested, and even if he did, he might be understandably hesitant to ask out the boss's kid brother, especially when the boss is Don.
In the end, he decided to just make a plan and basically tell Colby about it, rather than ask him - Colby was used to authority, so he'd probably respond best if it seemed like an order. Not that he wanted that authority dynamic in the relationship - should one emerge - but he figured it was the best chance to actually get Colby out on a date in the first place.
Back in the present, the sink faucet which had been running was turned off, and the sudden absence of noise brought Charlie out of his memories. He smiled as he remembered Colby's stunned reaction when he'd told him they were meeting at Follies. Colby told him later that the only reason he'd actually agreed to it was because he was too surprised to protest. Turns out, Colby did have an idea that Charlie might be gay, but, according to what he told Charlie, would never have made the first move.
Colby came out of the bathroom, shower and morning routine completed, with damp hair, one towel wrapped around his waist, and wiping the traces of shaving cream from his face with another. Charlie rolled over and took in the sight, watching his lover's smile touch his lips upon seeing Charlie awake.
When Colby leaned down to kiss him, Charlie's mind came completely back to the present, forgetting all about his lover's sleep patterns - at least for the moment. He reached over and pulled at the edge of the towel tucked into itself and watched it fall to the floor.
"I've gotta get to work," Colby protested as he pulled back. But, Charlie somehow twisted and wrapped his arms around the brawnier man's chest, and pulled him down on top of him.
"See, you really don't want to go to work," Charlie taunted, as he wrapped Colby in his arms.
"That's not true. You're holding me against my will." Colby retorted.
"Oh right?" Charlie countered, "With what, my deceptive upper body strength?" Sending them both into hysterical laughter.
This is a good moment, he thought. There is nothing but us in this moment. I just want as many moments like this as I can get.
Little did he know that Colby was thinking exactly the same thing, but for completely different reasons.
[ More to Com3 ]
Series/Chapter: Getting Here (5/?)
Author: radfiction
Pairing: Charlie/Colby
Rating: PG
Word Count: 4612
Summary:: Charlie recalls how Colby came into his life
Feedback: Yes, please!
Warnings: Still lots of introspection
Main Story Setting: Season 3 between The Mole and The Janus List
Flashack Settings: From start of Season 2 through Assassin
Spoilers: Through Trust Metric
X-Posted:savecolby and numb3rs_slash and red_gumballs
Disclaimer: D0n't 0wn, n0t pr0f1t1ng, just hav1ng fun
[ Previous Chapt3r ]
Colby was in the shower as Charlie woke. Shaking the sleep from his head, he listened to the stream of water coming from the shower, and judging from the sound, Colby would soon be getting out of the shower and begin shaving. When alone, the FBI agent was very methodical about how he showered. Washing between his tows was at the end of his routine, and the only time he leaned in such as way that the spray primarily hit the glass shower door with a distinct sound.
The mathematical equations describing the path of the water from the shower head down to Colby's muscular back and deflecting against the glass door, and for the acoustic reverberations created from the water hitting the door, swept into his mind, bringing Charlie fully awake. Well, the equations and the image of Colby in the shower naked, dripping wet, and soapy.
Charlie was concerned about Colby's recent sleep patterns. His lover used to drift to sleep before him, especially after sex, and be roused by Charlie's movements in the morning. Lately, Charlie was sure that Colby lay awake for hours after he fell asleep and was consistently out of bed before him. When he asked, the FBI agent passed it off as work, but Charlie knew better. Something was bothering his lover, and the fact that he would not talk to him about it, meant it involved him.
Although he wasn't really a member of the team, Charlie worked with them enough that he and Colby regularly talked about cases, even when the team had not brought Charlie in officially. And, they had long since broken down the barrier of Colby being hesitant to gripe about Don to Charlie, afraid to put Charlie in the position of taking sides between his brother and lover. So, Charlie was sure that whatever was going on involved him, and that's what really bothered him, because whatever it was, it was consuming Colby, and not in a good way.
He was scared that Colby was done... That he wanted out, but felt trapped because he didn't really want to hurt Charlie. Or, Charlie thought with a grimace, face the wrath Don promised him should the young agent hurt his brother. The problem was, Charlie wasn't done... he was totally in love. But, of course, if being with him made Colby miserable, he had to find a way to fix it, or let him go.
Charlie felt a part of his heart break, just at the thought. He rolled over to Colby's side of the bed and breathed in the scent of his lover. They had been together for about 18 months, but in some ways it seemed that Charlie's life - at least his life in the world outside of his head - really began with Colby. Breathing deep, and savoring the last remnants of his lover's warmth from the bed beneath him, Charlie started reminiscing about how Colby came into his life.
[The first encounter]
What he remembered first was catching his breath. Don had called him in to the office to consult on a new case, and as he scanned the room, there were two people with Don and David that he didn't recognize. A woman around Don's age, with hair just below her shoulders, light eyes, and very graceful movements, and a man closer to his age who was stunning - literally breath-taking.
Luckily, Charlie took all this in while seeming to be lost in the papers he was carrying. He had never really been good at hiding his reaction to things in the world, but realized early in life that if he seemed to be studying data or doing some calculations, he could pass any reaction off as being about some fascinating aspect of the data and no one ever questioned him about it. So, he spent most of his life observing the world sideways through the curls that hung just low enough to obscure where he was really looking.
As he took a second glance at the man chatting with David, he noticed his body for the first time. At first glance, Charlie had only seen the man's angelic face and a 1,000,000 watt smile that not only took his breath away, but made him weak in the knees. As he took in the man's body, his mind immediately started calculating his mass. He was about the same height as David, but with broader shoulders and, as best Charlie could tell, muscles packed tight and dense on his frame.
Although not the sports fan his brother is, Charlie had recently done some work for an NFL team and his calculations led him to the conclusion that the man had the perfect proportions for a linebacker in the NFL, though he'd be in the left tail of the distribution in height and mass. And the next image in Charlie's mind was of being tackled to the ground by this man. This time his knees actually failed and he stumbled, turning heads. Charlie played it off that he should pay more attention to walking and less to his data, but really, he knew this man had brought him to his knees and he didn't even know his name.
[the slip]
That scene melted into the a visit from Colby at his office. It was after the Skyler Wyatt case, and Colby had come by to ask Charlie some questions for his report. Charlie was glad it was Colby who seemed to be the one who Don appointed as the 'math liaison' for the team. Not because he enjoyed looking at the man - which he did, thoroughly - but because it was actually easier to explain things to Colby than the others.
Realizing this, Charlie originally wondered if his attraction to the man might have somehow improved his ability to communicate his thoughts. Ever the scientist, Charlie did some analysis, considering applications in higher education. But, his analysis revealed the significant effect was from Colby Granger, not the interaction term between them. Colby, he realized, had a naturally analytical mind and an ability to think more abstractly than Don or David.
In fact, Colby had even begun to bring things to Charlie in terms of abstract models instead of the specifics of a case, writing reports that described not only what Charlie did in this case, but also how it might be applied in other cases. In this particular case, Colby was asking if the improvements to FISH he used to determine that Skyler's fan mail was from two different people could be used to help spot forgeries in other types of documents.
"Based on what you said about the ordering of letters within a word, it may not be very helpful in detecting a forged signature, since the order would always be the same, but what about something like a suicide note?" Colby asked.
Charlie was again impressed with how well the young man was able to find new ways to extend the math from one case to other settings.
"Yes - on both counts," Charlie agreed. "We could come up with some parameters around the type of documents that would and would not be appropriate for this type of analysis."
And, Colby was visibly excited as they talked through different possibilities. Charlie was writing out the math for the filter, based on length of document, presumed emotional state of author, and other variables, and sensing Colby smiling behind him said "You've got a natural talent for math, Colby. And, I think you're as excited about this as I am."
Colby's voice was full of pride and excitement when he said "It's all you, Professor. I was never excited by math before."
Charlie's heart stopped. Luckily, he had his back to the agent. Invoking another coping mechanism he had learned over the years, he continued to scribble on the board and, to feign missing the comment, he softly mumbled the terms he was writing, getting louder as he continued. He'd found people often assumed he was lost in his equations when he did this, so when he finished writing - taking longer than necessary so he could regain his composure - he turned around, put a questioning look on his face, braced himself to respond better this time.
"Huh? I'm sorry, what?"
Colby, who had apparently been studying his back, looked directly at Charlie and rephrased his answer, "Oh, I just said that it's the mark of a great professor to make math exciting."
"Thanks," Charlie replied. He thought about pushing it or adding a comment about Colby as a student, but decided against it, not trusting his voice and saying a silent "thanks" that his hair was long enough to hide any signs of blushing on his neck, since he had the sense Colby had been studying his reaction to the first comment intensely.
"Not great enough to make me want to HAVE to do math, though, so don't think you're recruiting me into grad school or anything," Colby added with a smile, clearly trying to lighten the mood while still studying Charlie's face.
"Colb, we're CalSci, we don't have to recruit," Charlie said with his best elitist affectation, all the while thinking It's not grad school I want to recruit you for. Luckily, the agent laughed, and they returned to the work. But, Charlie made a mental note of the conversation.
Colby's first comment was far more personal than the rephrased version. The fact that he changed it the second time through suggested that the original comment was uncensored. Was it a slip of the tongue? An insight into the man he had not intended to reveal, and then did his best to pull back? Or, was Charlie just being optimistic - Seeing and hearing what he wanted to? I need more data, Charlie decided.
After they finished and his visitor left, Charlie started re-evaluating all the data he had stored away about Colby Granger. He knew he was in the Army's Criminal Investigation Division, had transitioned into the FBI in the past two months, did some sports in school, and grew up in Idaho.
He never heard him mention having gone on a date, let alone a significant other. No ring on his finger, and no sign of a feminine touch in his wardrobe. But, he was very neatly groomed - not in a metro-sexual manner - but more in a 'I care about my appearance, my clothes, and my stuff' sort of way - but that could just be a military thing.
From what he saw, Colby treated David like an older brother - not like he treated Don, but how he had seen other brothers act. He seemed protective of Megan and seemed to see Don primarily as a commanding officer.
"I need more data," Charlie repeated out loud, this time.
"For what?" Larry asked, bringing Charlie out of his mental analysis.
"Huh?" he stalled. "Oh, just some FBI-related analysis I'm doing." Charlie worded his reply very carefully, deciding he wasn't ready to share this with Larry yet, but also unwilling to actually lie to him.
The next week, Charlie had been observing from the sidelines again when he heard Colby refer to him as "Whiz Kid." He couldn't resist letting him know he overheard him and teasing him just a bit. Colby's stammered attempt at an explanation-slash-apology had amused Charlie to no end, but he actually felt a little bad about teasing him, and let him off the hook saying he took it as a compliment. And, really, he did. He took it as a sign of endearment - like a pet name. Maybe it is, he thought, optimistically, and smiled.
Later, when Colby stopped by for an update on the Shay case, he seemingly thought Charlie was too immersed in his work to notice that he was at the door, so he studied the office as if he'd never seen it before. Charlie continued to work until Colby made his presence known explicitly, but part of his mind was assessing why Colby was studying the office so intently. Was he looking for insights into Charlie?
What an interesting game of cat and mouse we seem to be playing.
But, two could play at that game, and when Colby grabbed a gumball, Charlie asked him which one he took. He wasn't actually running an experiment with the gumballs, but figured it would be fun to let Colby think he may have just revealed something about himself by his choice.
When Colby said red, the first thing Charlie thought was the color of lust, which he found interesting, and told Colby so - the interesting part, not the lust part, though he was tempted. But, as much as Charlie wanted it to mean that Colby was consumed with lust when in his presence, statistically he knew it was meaningless. However, the expression on Colby's face was priceless.
Games aside, it didn't take Charlie long to figure out there was something going on with Colby. Charlie heard and saw him dropping all sorts of hints over the course of the next couple weeks. Charlie knew he had better powers of observation than to have missed such hints earlier, so this was new. The timing was intriguing: Within a week of a slip of the tongue, he's now trying to let his team know that he's gay - or at least Don, since it seems the hints only dropped when Don was around.
Charlie considered and dismissed the idea that Colby was trying to hit on his brother. The comments weren't suggestive, nothing as personal as the comment in his office. Don, it seemed, had not put it together yet, understandably. Don naturally assumed everyone was straight, like most straight people did, and selectively and unconsciously ignored information that contradicted that - selective perception at work, he thought to himself.
Charlie wanted to believe that Colby's need to tell Don was some old-fashioned sense of country manners, like a gentleman caller asking permission from the father before courting his daughter.
If it wasn't so damned charming, Charlie thought, I should be offended that I'd be playing the part of the blushing debutant in this scenario. - But caught himself when he remembered just how much he had blushed at Colby's comment in his office.
Though again, as much as he wanted to believe that was the case, he didn't. First off, he wasn't entirely sure that the young agent had actually figured out that Charlie would - or even could - reciprocate his interest. Charlie was always amazed that more people didn't know about his lack of preference, but selective perception applied even more to him, since he did date and flirt with woman on a regular basis. More likely, he thought, Colby's slip made him realize he needed to come clean, at least with Don, before it - or he - came out some other way.
It was then Charlie fully realized that anything he might want to pursue with Colby would affect Don. Charlie respected that, and waited to see how soon Don would connect the dots, so he could talk about it with him before testing the waters with Colby.
[Big Brother]
Following that train of thought, the next memory that came to him was Don coming over the house clearly wanting to talk about something, but seemingly unsure how to bring it up. They eventually found their way out to the back yard, and Don finally got around to it. "So, you dating anyone these days?"
"No. I'm beginning to see your point about how the FBI makes it complicated. Besides the time drain, not being able to talk about stuff makes it hard," Charlie said. Then, on a hunch, added, "Why, you playing matchmaker?"
Don laughed, "That would be pretty hypocritical of me, wouldn't it." Charlie laughed and, after getting a noncommittal answer to his inquiry about Nadine, decided to leave it at that.
Eventually, Don started again.
"So, Charlie, can I ask you something?" With a feigned look of frustration from his brother, Don amended "something else?"
"Sure, what's up?"
"How have you met the guys that you've dated - at clubs?"
Even suspecting where the conversation was going, it took Charlie a second to make sense of the question.
"Sometimes. The clubs have positively and negatively valanced attributes in terms of dating."
"Only you could describe a gay bar mathematically," Don teased.
"What did you expect?" Charlie retorted. He wasn't really annoyed, but it still bothered him a little that Don didn't get that his world WAS math. He contemplated striking back by saying he should ask Colby, but he toned it down, "I'm sure you know other gay or bi men who speak something closer to your language, you could ask them."
"Actually, I'm pretty sure there's a guy at the bureau - " Don started, but Charlie cut in, the frustration giving way to the math pouring out of him.
"Statistically, there's bound to be both men and women, and more than one of each."
"Right. What I meant was, ..." And he hesitated. Charlie waited patiently for all of three seconds before finishing the thought.
"You meant your new agent has been dropping hints and you're wondering if he's gay."
Don turned and looked at Charlie with that tortured smile - a combination of frustration and pride. Charlie knew that Don was both amused and annoyed by his ability to figure stuff like this out.
"So, can I consult to the FBI on math and on 'gay'," Charlie smiled and made exaggerated air quotes on the last word.
Don laughed and asked, "How did you know?"
"He's been dropping hints around you for a couple weeks, Don. My calculations indicate that if you didn't figure it out soon, he was going to come to the office wearing a feather boa and start belting out show tunes sometime next week."
Both men laughed. "How long have you known?" Don asked.
"About a week and half. You?"
"Last Saturday." Don related the story of watching the baseball game. Charlie, on the other hand, did not relate the story from his office. He was suddenly less enthusiastic about the conversation than he had been, and did not pick up the conversation when Don finished the story.
"What?" Don asked after a couple minutes of silence.
"What, what?" parroted the younger Eppes.
"You went away - but not in the way you do when you're doing math," Don explained. "More like, I don't know, sad maybe. Something wrong?"
"Nah. Not really," Charlie said. But, when Don raised his eyebrow, he added, "I was thinking I should try to get to the gym on campus more regularly."
Don smiled. This time it took him no time to connect the dots.
"So, you're interested?"
Charlie was not particularly surprised that his brother made the connection.
"I'm attracted to him, yes. But, I realize it would be complicated with him being on your team," Charlie started. But when Don gave him another look, added "I know. You've done it and I don't even work for the FBI officially."
"So," the elder Eppes asked?
"Well, I did think he might be interested at one point, but if Molina's his type, I'm probably not," Charlie conceded.
"On the other hand," Don started, then paused, teasing his brother.
"On the other hand, what?" Charlie demanded impatiently.
"The other day the team was out for beers, and we started talking about what we're attracted to," Don picked up with a smile.
"Oh, were you ogling someone's neck at the time?" Charlie piped in, trying to get back at his brother.
"You want to hear this story or not?" Don feigned annoyance.
"Yes, please. Continue."
"Anyway, we were talking about what we are attracted to, and he said that there was nothing as sexy as smart. And you've got smart in spades, Chuck."
Charlie smiled at his big brother's clear attempt to cheer him up and boost his ego, but also annoy him with the nick name he hated. He had succeeded more in the former than the latter.
"Really? He said that?" By now Charlie's smile had nothing to do with his brother.
"Yep. There's a lot more to him than meets the eye, you know," Don offered.
"Actually, that I did know. He's got a really analytical mind. So, what? Are you actually trying to fix us up?" Charlie asked.
"No. You do what you want, buddy. But, I like him and I trust him. He's a good man and I think he'd be good to whoever he was with. I'm just saying, don't use me, or the Bureau, or anything as an excuse not to go for something you want. And don't assume he's not interested without at least, uh, what is it you always say, collecting some data." This time Don made air quotes, but with far less flare than Charlie had.
Charlie smiled and nodded his agreement, and both men fell silent.
Don broke the silence a few minutes later. "Three things, Charlie."
Charlie looked at him, "First?" he asked.
"I will need to know if there's something going on between you. Don't hide it from me," Don said, holding his brother's eye.
"That makes sense. Obviously it could impact the team. Done," Charlie agreed. "Second?"
"I don't need to know the details!" Don amended, with a squeamish tone.
Charlie laughed. "You mean, I shouldn't fill you in on the details of our sexual escapades?" Charlie's initial smile was at his brother's queasiness, but it melted into something more lascivious as he contemplated the words he had just spoken.
Don shook his whole body, "Exactly!"
Charlie nodded, saying "Well, I haven't really done that with anyone I've dated lately, have I? So, it shouldn't be a problem. No promises, but I will do my best. And Third?"
Don just looked at him, conveying his meaning without a word.
"Oh, you're going to have a talk with him if we do date, aren't you?" Charlie surmised.
"I figured I should let you know, in case you want to warn him," Don explained.
"Well, I'd try to talk you out of it, but I know better. I do know that I want to get to the point where I'd need to warn him, though, so I'm going to ask him out. Soon."
Don smiled, "Good for you." And then added, "And him."
Charlie smiled and added, "I'll let you know when and if you should have your talk with him."
And so had Charlie started planning right then. After the disastrous date with Amita, he had gotten tickets for them to go to the White Stripes concert as another try. But, he had already decided against it for several reasons. Mostly it was his conversation with Gabriel Ruiz, making him realize how much burden Don actually bore just because of his job, so he had decided to go to Aunt Irene's 80th birthday party with his dad.
And, if he was honest with himself, getting the tickets was more about getting out of Aunt Irene's party than it was about trying again with Amita. Because, really he really couldn't talk to Amita about stuff like his NSA consulting that was so relevant to the work he was doing with Don right now, and it was more than just a security clearance thing.
He had seen that look on her face when she asked how he knew about assassination techniques. That work is not something she would approve of. Like many mathematicians, she saw the world in very discreet ways - right and wrong, black and white - and that, he suspected, was one of the reasons they could not talk about anything but math itself, because he was all about shades of gray.
And he was definitely attracted to Colby. A big part of that was physical - how could you not be attracted to that man? - but it was also that he felt a kindred spirit there. Like Charlie, Colby was wise beyond his years.
For Charlie, that had come from the disconnect between his chronological and mental age - college at 13 is a wake up call, even for a genius. Colby, it seems, had seen - and been party to - a lot of hellish events in Afghanistan. Charlie reasoned that Colby must have grown up fast to make the transition from a potato farm in Idaho to that and still perform well. Yet, unlike Sinclair, Colby smiled all the time. He somehow managed to keep from becoming jaded by that experience, and Charlie was really attracted to that, too.
And, of course, the man was clearly quite intelligent, which just made him all the more appealing to Charlie. So, given that he was definitely going to pursue him, the next question was how.
It took him no time to decide that he needed to be direct and assertive. He figured he had to make the first move, otherwise Colby may not ever get around to it. He wasn't even sure if Colby knew he would be interested, and even if he did, he might be understandably hesitant to ask out the boss's kid brother, especially when the boss is Don.
In the end, he decided to just make a plan and basically tell Colby about it, rather than ask him - Colby was used to authority, so he'd probably respond best if it seemed like an order. Not that he wanted that authority dynamic in the relationship - should one emerge - but he figured it was the best chance to actually get Colby out on a date in the first place.
Back in the present, the sink faucet which had been running was turned off, and the sudden absence of noise brought Charlie out of his memories. He smiled as he remembered Colby's stunned reaction when he'd told him they were meeting at Follies. Colby told him later that the only reason he'd actually agreed to it was because he was too surprised to protest. Turns out, Colby did have an idea that Charlie might be gay, but, according to what he told Charlie, would never have made the first move.
Colby came out of the bathroom, shower and morning routine completed, with damp hair, one towel wrapped around his waist, and wiping the traces of shaving cream from his face with another. Charlie rolled over and took in the sight, watching his lover's smile touch his lips upon seeing Charlie awake.
When Colby leaned down to kiss him, Charlie's mind came completely back to the present, forgetting all about his lover's sleep patterns - at least for the moment. He reached over and pulled at the edge of the towel tucked into itself and watched it fall to the floor.
"I've gotta get to work," Colby protested as he pulled back. But, Charlie somehow twisted and wrapped his arms around the brawnier man's chest, and pulled him down on top of him.
"See, you really don't want to go to work," Charlie taunted, as he wrapped Colby in his arms.
"That's not true. You're holding me against my will." Colby retorted.
"Oh right?" Charlie countered, "With what, my deceptive upper body strength?" Sending them both into hysterical laughter.
This is a good moment, he thought. There is nothing but us in this moment. I just want as many moments like this as I can get.
Little did he know that Colby was thinking exactly the same thing, but for completely different reasons.
[ More to Com3 ]