(no subject)
I'm so disappointed with everyone lately. I'm not going to explain anything, and this isn't supposed to be vague. The people who I want to read this the most never will. I hate them but I don't, they're just so screwed up and it screwed me up and at least I have the ability to fix myself but they don't because you can't fix something you don't perceive as broken and it rips me apart. I will never have the relationship I want with these people because they can't build lasting bonds with people because another influence just continues to poison what logic and sense they have. It happened to me for so long and as cheezy as it sounds I'm still in "detox". I want somethings to be all okay again, and some not to be. I want compromise and resolution. I want peace of mind.
On another note, it's been a pretty solid year of avoiding certain types of mentalities and many people may say its me "ditching" or not supporting various aspects I once did, but frankly, things change. I still love what I always have but I can't deal with the attitude and the negativity that surrounds it. Some people apart of it sicken me to the point where I cringe at the sight of them and I don't life that, and neither should they. These people and I will never have peaceful resolution until I can look them in the eye and see how they've done wrong, and how they've lied and tainted what I once loved.
I'm still changing, but for the better. What I need is only coming closer to my grasp. I'll admit somedays it looms a little farther than others, but now I can always see it. I've become more indepent and dependant at the same time. Independant in my thoughts and actions for the most part but now I have support of truly loving people who I can actually rely on and it's been so long since I've had that. 17 and half years to be exact. Some may say this is an exageration but if only you knew.
This post is filled with mixed emotions but I'm slowly achieving a relative calm, I can see the end in the distance, maybe end is a bad word, but a resolution and soon it will be ours.
On another note, it's been a pretty solid year of avoiding certain types of mentalities and many people may say its me "ditching" or not supporting various aspects I once did, but frankly, things change. I still love what I always have but I can't deal with the attitude and the negativity that surrounds it. Some people apart of it sicken me to the point where I cringe at the sight of them and I don't life that, and neither should they. These people and I will never have peaceful resolution until I can look them in the eye and see how they've done wrong, and how they've lied and tainted what I once loved.
I'm still changing, but for the better. What I need is only coming closer to my grasp. I'll admit somedays it looms a little farther than others, but now I can always see it. I've become more indepent and dependant at the same time. Independant in my thoughts and actions for the most part but now I have support of truly loving people who I can actually rely on and it's been so long since I've had that. 17 and half years to be exact. Some may say this is an exageration but if only you knew.
This post is filled with mixed emotions but I'm slowly achieving a relative calm, I can see the end in the distance, maybe end is a bad word, but a resolution and soon it will be ours.