Live From Heaven - The Trip
Yo everybody! My name is Jak. I would like to share with you, a story from one crazy assed trip one day in the summer time. Which is EMIT REMMUS backwards. Let me tell you.
One day, I was cruisin' down the street in my ‘64, looking for people to rob becuase I had no cash and i desperately needed some. I owed a lot of people money and it wasn’t like I was gonna steal off anyone. Just stingy rich folk who serve no purpose but to bitch and whine about underprivelaged people. Kinda like a Robin Hood effort thing. Ya dig? Anyway, I was rollin’, when all of a sudden I had a sudden urge to go on the SUBWAY TO VENUS. But, somehow I ended up in the BACKWOODS and I was like "what the funk?". "NEVERMIND" I thought. I'm FREAKY STYLEY I can handle this misdirection. So there I was roamin'. When all of a sudden I saw ONE BIG MOB and I was like "GET UP AND JUMP" because if I didn't they would have made me TASTE THE PAIN. SO... I ran my ass off AROUND THE WORLD and ended up on the OTHERSIDE of a PARALLEL UNIVERSE quite EASILY. I thought to myself "Damn, how'd I do that?.
Anyway, I got away from those guys but this WARPED asshole came up to me. He was this big SKINNY SWEATY MAN who kept shouting "I LIKE DIRT" all the time. I got kinda intimidated as I thought he would be a JUNGLEMAN from that big crowd earlier. So I hid UNDER THE BRIDGE of a motorway BEHIND THE SUN. But then I thought "No... I need to FIGHT LIKE A BRAVE" so I ran out completely DOSED up on SUBTERRANEAN HOMESICK BLUES (because I was far from home) and I caught the big guy committing some FUNKY CRIME. The police came and were like "Johnny, kick a hole in this guy" and Johnny was like "Eh, don't you mean JOHNNY, KICK A HOLE IN THE SKY?", and the police guy was like "Don't argue".
So the big assed skinny guy was like "uh, IF YOU WANT ME TO STAY then tell me" but the Police were just arguing with each other. So he started WALKING ON DOWN THE ROAD and went ROAD TRIPPIN' completely free. I just thought that was THE POWER OF EQUALITY.
After that crazy time I thought I was safe, but I was wrong. This huge guy with some FIRE walked up to me and said "SHOW ME YOUR SOUL" and I said "SUCK MY KISS" and he chased me! I started to think what I said wasn't so smart after all. But luckily, my SAVIOUR came RIGHT ON TIME in an AEROPLANE and got that guy's SOUL TO SQUEEZE. He turned round to me and gave me THIS VELVET GLOVE and said "See this glove, it has a PURPLE STAIN on it but that's not the point. This glove is very sacred, and IF YOU HAVE TO ASK I'll kill you too."
"Fine by me" I thought. I don't want dead.
So me and MY LOVELY MAN went on a WALKABOUT for ONE HOT MINUTE. We went to this COFFEE SHOP where there was a disco on. So we did a PHAT DANCE right on TIME to this crazy GONG LI tune. We went for a walk to some sort of HOLLYWOOD type place where TRUE ME DON'T KILL COYOTES. He stressed this hugely to me. Just as well, that's exactly what I was planning on doing... weirdo. He told me all about THE RIGHTEOUS & THE WICKED of that area. Now, I COULD HAVE LIED but I'm didn't when i say they were all NAKED IN THE RAIN with an APACHE ROSE PEACOCK.
"funk this shizzle, ‘coz I'm a grizzler" I thought. I left that weird guy to try and get home so I went down to this place called RIVERS OF AVALON where I thought MY FRIENDS might be. I was wrong. It was just this huge BODY OF WATER there with some BLOOD, SUGAR, SEX, MAGIK in it. Kinda weird, I was real thirsty too but I didn't drink the water because who knows what it would do.
So on I walked up to this HIGHER GROUND where MAGIC JOHNSON was there. Although, this was another dimension I thought no oddity in seeing Magic until I noticed he went about saying "NOBODY WEIRD LIKE ME". To me that was odd... But I dunno.
I went to this joint where it looked like ME & MY FRIENDS would hang out and STRETCH out. I sat down and started TRANSCENDING away. When this surprisingly SEXY MEXICAN MAID came up and told me that CATHOLIC SCHOOL GIRLS RULE this place. I said ok and carried on about my business. THIRTY DIRTY BIRDS started this crazy AMERICAN GHOST DANCE on a BATTLESHIP out on the water when YERTLE THE TURTLE told them to be quite 'coz he was sleepin'. I thought that was shady how they dissed the turtle by disturbing his sleep. But they just told him to GET ON TOP of his 10 turtle stack again and shut up. Yurtle was not best pleased. He gave the birds this DEEP KICK that brought a TEAR to the TEARJERKER he layed into. By this time it was MIDNIGHT and it turned out THIS IS THE PLACE where people would steal things and THROW AWAY YOUR TELEVISION. Luckily I didn't even live here so I had nothing for them to steal or throw away, however I thought "I CAN'T STOP thinkin' I'm gonna get killed here."
Unluckly for me, that big group of assholes wanted me dead in my normal area so I was screwed either way.
I stumbled up ON MERCURY where this VENICE QUEEN was selling CABRON. I needed whatever it was because it sounded cool and BY THE WAY, I noticed that there was some crazy BLACKEYED BLONDE was fighting with this PEA guy, he started BREAKING THE GIRL when MILLIONAIRES AGAINST HUNGER captured him and ate him. Served him right. She turned round and showed her appreciation by saying "I COULD DIE FOR YOU for saving me!"
In my mind I thought it was most ironic but... whatever.
So, on my way I did go when I came across some FUNKY MONKS who were very into their women. They were singing this crazy SEX RAP while LOVIN' AND TOUCHIN' and bragging about some LOVE TRILOGY which I thought might be some crazy sex crazed party of three. They asked me to join in but I was NO CHUMP LOVE SUCKER and told them there was one MINOR THING and that I was taken by a PRETTY LITTLE DITTY.
I went on my way. when this STONE COLD BUSH started talking. He had some crazy sort of liquid that I needed. He was UNIVERSALLY SPEAKING about giving it away and kept shouting "GIVE IT AWAY" every two seconds. The whole concept seemed crazy to me. Giving stuff away? No. Anyway, I stole some of the liquid and ran like hell. I came across Weird assed pair of guys that were roamin' down the street together that looked dodgy. They were mumbling "LET'S MAKE EVIL" to each other and were talking about killing up the first PUNK ROCK CLASSIC type person they came across. I wasn't one of those but I hid anyway. When I hid I found a WARM TAPE that had a SPECIAL SECRET SONG INSIDE it telling to SAVE THE POPULATION before I could leave. "SHALLOW BE THY GAME eh!" I thought to myself. I thought my FORTUNE FADED. So, I did as instructed and climbed up to BUNKER HILL which was OUT IN L.A. or the equivalent of that joint anyways. This place had obviously been affected by the severe CALIFORNICATION that had gone down in my world. Anyway, we went to the CASTLES MADE OF SAND where DR. FUNKENSTEIN lived with some ESKIMO.
The Doctor was a cool guy with a certain BABY APPEAL to him. I went in and told him about the tape and he told me to BUCKLE DOWN. He explained that this place used to be a GREEN HEAVEN but some guy named GRAND PAPPY DU PLENTY had turned it into this scary assed hell hole where they chase people from other dimensions and hunt them down like neds. I thought that considering that was happening to me all the while I'd been here. I developed an instant hatred for this guy. The Doc also told me about his people who were MELANCHOLY MECHANICS who lived in this LEVERAGE OF SPACE. The Doc told me that I me and this other guy who was called ROLLING SLY STONE and the Doc's ORGANIC ANTI-BEAT BOX BAND and go SEARCH AND DESTROY Grand Pappy and his posse. I FOUND OUT that the Doc had this stolen POLICE HELICOPTER that he stole. I decided that would be the way we get up to Grand's crib. We didn't want to get STRANDED either so it was all in all, a good idea.
We asked the Doc to come but he was just a TEENAGER IN LOVE at the time. His girlfriend BRANDY was very peculiar. He kept goin' on about HAVANA AFFAIR she had with some Ramone guy and she kept saying "YOU ALWAYS SING THE SAME".
That was another thing about the Doc, whenever he spoke it was this crazy rap or song, it was never just... talking. In fact, he was so obsessed with singin’ n’ rappin’ n shit. He had his bodyguards like SIR PSYCHO SEXY and these other guys singin’ a thing called THE GREETING SONG when people arrived. Pysco and Sly argued about it coz Pyscho was crazy. He kept calling it THE ZEPHYR SONG but that didn’t make sense. Sly was like “Why the funk would it be called ‘Zephyr‘? We GREET people ya funkin’ fool! Not Zephyr them. You don‘t even make sense Homie!“ I agreed with Sly. Pyscho didn’t make sense. The whole concept of a Zephyr completely discombobulated my thinkin’. Either way though, it was funkin’ cool. I danced my ass off walkin’ in this place. One of Brandy's kids had amnesia and kept asking "MOMMY, WHERE'S DADDY?". She kept reminding his that he was right there. But the Doc was so OUT OF RANGE from his kids you know. To them he was just a big PORCELAIN doll guy. I thought it was shady but he told me "WHAT IT IS, is that I suffered a crazy SIKAMIKANICO from two of Grand's crew. Whatever that was. He said they usually hang out and make evil near the motorway and I remember I was chased by those guys.
Now I thought it was time to get goin' to see HOW STRONG this punk motherfunker Grand really was. We took the LOVE ROLLERCOASTER and some crazy wee cronies of the Doc’s took the helicopter so we'd hit 'em from all directions. We caused some serious SCAR TISSUE on that dude and got the hell out of there before it blew up.
We headed back down but Sly and Psycho said "you need to go now" and I said "I want to say bye to the Doc" and he said "You can't". The Psycho gave me a antique and it was some CABRON that the crazy bitch earlier was sellin'. We shook hands and then i started FALLING INTO GRACE.
Before I knew it I was back in hiding in my own dimension. The big mob were still coming and it seemed like no time had gone by. I was so much more confident after my adventure I just walked out. Luck has it, it was just the GOOD TIME BOYS comin' down the street! I was like "YO!" and we all chilled out and went walkin'. We needed some money to get places though and unfortunately that’s how I got in the trouble I had just got into just there... “Shit”, I said the the Crew, “I got’s no cash” and none of them had any. I felt somethin' heavy and in my pocket was this huge amount of money, about £100,000,000. Turns out the cabron I was given was money in our world. Along with it, was attached a note saying “My fellow Funkateer, this is the Cabron that ya got. It’s a little gift from my bad self to yo’ ass. It’s a thank you for savin’ our homeland. But it’s also to stop you stealin’ dawg ‘coz this should do you a lifetime! Fix your money achin’ problems boy! Ya dig? Anyway Bro, DON'T FORGET ME kid. I’ll catch ya on the MELLOWSHIP SLINKY IN B-MAJOR. Peace!” It was from the Doc. Me n’ Doc were like a BROTHER’S CUP now.
I thought “SHIT!” They all asked where I got the money from and I told them I found it.
They told me to make a live journal about my money finding. So here I am.
The end.
One day, I was cruisin' down the street in my ‘64, looking for people to rob becuase I had no cash and i desperately needed some. I owed a lot of people money and it wasn’t like I was gonna steal off anyone. Just stingy rich folk who serve no purpose but to bitch and whine about underprivelaged people. Kinda like a Robin Hood effort thing. Ya dig? Anyway, I was rollin’, when all of a sudden I had a sudden urge to go on the SUBWAY TO VENUS. But, somehow I ended up in the BACKWOODS and I was like "what the funk?". "NEVERMIND" I thought. I'm FREAKY STYLEY I can handle this misdirection. So there I was roamin'. When all of a sudden I saw ONE BIG MOB and I was like "GET UP AND JUMP" because if I didn't they would have made me TASTE THE PAIN. SO... I ran my ass off AROUND THE WORLD and ended up on the OTHERSIDE of a PARALLEL UNIVERSE quite EASILY. I thought to myself "Damn, how'd I do that?.
Anyway, I got away from those guys but this WARPED asshole came up to me. He was this big SKINNY SWEATY MAN who kept shouting "I LIKE DIRT" all the time. I got kinda intimidated as I thought he would be a JUNGLEMAN from that big crowd earlier. So I hid UNDER THE BRIDGE of a motorway BEHIND THE SUN. But then I thought "No... I need to FIGHT LIKE A BRAVE" so I ran out completely DOSED up on SUBTERRANEAN HOMESICK BLUES (because I was far from home) and I caught the big guy committing some FUNKY CRIME. The police came and were like "Johnny, kick a hole in this guy" and Johnny was like "Eh, don't you mean JOHNNY, KICK A HOLE IN THE SKY?", and the police guy was like "Don't argue".
So the big assed skinny guy was like "uh, IF YOU WANT ME TO STAY then tell me" but the Police were just arguing with each other. So he started WALKING ON DOWN THE ROAD and went ROAD TRIPPIN' completely free. I just thought that was THE POWER OF EQUALITY.
After that crazy time I thought I was safe, but I was wrong. This huge guy with some FIRE walked up to me and said "SHOW ME YOUR SOUL" and I said "SUCK MY KISS" and he chased me! I started to think what I said wasn't so smart after all. But luckily, my SAVIOUR came RIGHT ON TIME in an AEROPLANE and got that guy's SOUL TO SQUEEZE. He turned round to me and gave me THIS VELVET GLOVE and said "See this glove, it has a PURPLE STAIN on it but that's not the point. This glove is very sacred, and IF YOU HAVE TO ASK I'll kill you too."
"Fine by me" I thought. I don't want dead.
So me and MY LOVELY MAN went on a WALKABOUT for ONE HOT MINUTE. We went to this COFFEE SHOP where there was a disco on. So we did a PHAT DANCE right on TIME to this crazy GONG LI tune. We went for a walk to some sort of HOLLYWOOD type place where TRUE ME DON'T KILL COYOTES. He stressed this hugely to me. Just as well, that's exactly what I was planning on doing... weirdo. He told me all about THE RIGHTEOUS & THE WICKED of that area. Now, I COULD HAVE LIED but I'm didn't when i say they were all NAKED IN THE RAIN with an APACHE ROSE PEACOCK.
"funk this shizzle, ‘coz I'm a grizzler" I thought. I left that weird guy to try and get home so I went down to this place called RIVERS OF AVALON where I thought MY FRIENDS might be. I was wrong. It was just this huge BODY OF WATER there with some BLOOD, SUGAR, SEX, MAGIK in it. Kinda weird, I was real thirsty too but I didn't drink the water because who knows what it would do.
So on I walked up to this HIGHER GROUND where MAGIC JOHNSON was there. Although, this was another dimension I thought no oddity in seeing Magic until I noticed he went about saying "NOBODY WEIRD LIKE ME". To me that was odd... But I dunno.
I went to this joint where it looked like ME & MY FRIENDS would hang out and STRETCH out. I sat down and started TRANSCENDING away. When this surprisingly SEXY MEXICAN MAID came up and told me that CATHOLIC SCHOOL GIRLS RULE this place. I said ok and carried on about my business. THIRTY DIRTY BIRDS started this crazy AMERICAN GHOST DANCE on a BATTLESHIP out on the water when YERTLE THE TURTLE told them to be quite 'coz he was sleepin'. I thought that was shady how they dissed the turtle by disturbing his sleep. But they just told him to GET ON TOP of his 10 turtle stack again and shut up. Yurtle was not best pleased. He gave the birds this DEEP KICK that brought a TEAR to the TEARJERKER he layed into. By this time it was MIDNIGHT and it turned out THIS IS THE PLACE where people would steal things and THROW AWAY YOUR TELEVISION. Luckily I didn't even live here so I had nothing for them to steal or throw away, however I thought "I CAN'T STOP thinkin' I'm gonna get killed here."
Unluckly for me, that big group of assholes wanted me dead in my normal area so I was screwed either way.
I stumbled up ON MERCURY where this VENICE QUEEN was selling CABRON. I needed whatever it was because it sounded cool and BY THE WAY, I noticed that there was some crazy BLACKEYED BLONDE was fighting with this PEA guy, he started BREAKING THE GIRL when MILLIONAIRES AGAINST HUNGER captured him and ate him. Served him right. She turned round and showed her appreciation by saying "I COULD DIE FOR YOU for saving me!"
In my mind I thought it was most ironic but... whatever.
So, on my way I did go when I came across some FUNKY MONKS who were very into their women. They were singing this crazy SEX RAP while LOVIN' AND TOUCHIN' and bragging about some LOVE TRILOGY which I thought might be some crazy sex crazed party of three. They asked me to join in but I was NO CHUMP LOVE SUCKER and told them there was one MINOR THING and that I was taken by a PRETTY LITTLE DITTY.
I went on my way. when this STONE COLD BUSH started talking. He had some crazy sort of liquid that I needed. He was UNIVERSALLY SPEAKING about giving it away and kept shouting "GIVE IT AWAY" every two seconds. The whole concept seemed crazy to me. Giving stuff away? No. Anyway, I stole some of the liquid and ran like hell. I came across Weird assed pair of guys that were roamin' down the street together that looked dodgy. They were mumbling "LET'S MAKE EVIL" to each other and were talking about killing up the first PUNK ROCK CLASSIC type person they came across. I wasn't one of those but I hid anyway. When I hid I found a WARM TAPE that had a SPECIAL SECRET SONG INSIDE it telling to SAVE THE POPULATION before I could leave. "SHALLOW BE THY GAME eh!" I thought to myself. I thought my FORTUNE FADED. So, I did as instructed and climbed up to BUNKER HILL which was OUT IN L.A. or the equivalent of that joint anyways. This place had obviously been affected by the severe CALIFORNICATION that had gone down in my world. Anyway, we went to the CASTLES MADE OF SAND where DR. FUNKENSTEIN lived with some ESKIMO.
The Doctor was a cool guy with a certain BABY APPEAL to him. I went in and told him about the tape and he told me to BUCKLE DOWN. He explained that this place used to be a GREEN HEAVEN but some guy named GRAND PAPPY DU PLENTY had turned it into this scary assed hell hole where they chase people from other dimensions and hunt them down like neds. I thought that considering that was happening to me all the while I'd been here. I developed an instant hatred for this guy. The Doc also told me about his people who were MELANCHOLY MECHANICS who lived in this LEVERAGE OF SPACE. The Doc told me that I me and this other guy who was called ROLLING SLY STONE and the Doc's ORGANIC ANTI-BEAT BOX BAND and go SEARCH AND DESTROY Grand Pappy and his posse. I FOUND OUT that the Doc had this stolen POLICE HELICOPTER that he stole. I decided that would be the way we get up to Grand's crib. We didn't want to get STRANDED either so it was all in all, a good idea.
We asked the Doc to come but he was just a TEENAGER IN LOVE at the time. His girlfriend BRANDY was very peculiar. He kept goin' on about HAVANA AFFAIR she had with some Ramone guy and she kept saying "YOU ALWAYS SING THE SAME".
That was another thing about the Doc, whenever he spoke it was this crazy rap or song, it was never just... talking. In fact, he was so obsessed with singin’ n’ rappin’ n shit. He had his bodyguards like SIR PSYCHO SEXY and these other guys singin’ a thing called THE GREETING SONG when people arrived. Pysco and Sly argued about it coz Pyscho was crazy. He kept calling it THE ZEPHYR SONG but that didn’t make sense. Sly was like “Why the funk would it be called ‘Zephyr‘? We GREET people ya funkin’ fool! Not Zephyr them. You don‘t even make sense Homie!“ I agreed with Sly. Pyscho didn’t make sense. The whole concept of a Zephyr completely discombobulated my thinkin’. Either way though, it was funkin’ cool. I danced my ass off walkin’ in this place. One of Brandy's kids had amnesia and kept asking "MOMMY, WHERE'S DADDY?". She kept reminding his that he was right there. But the Doc was so OUT OF RANGE from his kids you know. To them he was just a big PORCELAIN doll guy. I thought it was shady but he told me "WHAT IT IS, is that I suffered a crazy SIKAMIKANICO from two of Grand's crew. Whatever that was. He said they usually hang out and make evil near the motorway and I remember I was chased by those guys.
Now I thought it was time to get goin' to see HOW STRONG this punk motherfunker Grand really was. We took the LOVE ROLLERCOASTER and some crazy wee cronies of the Doc’s took the helicopter so we'd hit 'em from all directions. We caused some serious SCAR TISSUE on that dude and got the hell out of there before it blew up.
We headed back down but Sly and Psycho said "you need to go now" and I said "I want to say bye to the Doc" and he said "You can't". The Psycho gave me a antique and it was some CABRON that the crazy bitch earlier was sellin'. We shook hands and then i started FALLING INTO GRACE.
Before I knew it I was back in hiding in my own dimension. The big mob were still coming and it seemed like no time had gone by. I was so much more confident after my adventure I just walked out. Luck has it, it was just the GOOD TIME BOYS comin' down the street! I was like "YO!" and we all chilled out and went walkin'. We needed some money to get places though and unfortunately that’s how I got in the trouble I had just got into just there... “Shit”, I said the the Crew, “I got’s no cash” and none of them had any. I felt somethin' heavy and in my pocket was this huge amount of money, about £100,000,000. Turns out the cabron I was given was money in our world. Along with it, was attached a note saying “My fellow Funkateer, this is the Cabron that ya got. It’s a little gift from my bad self to yo’ ass. It’s a thank you for savin’ our homeland. But it’s also to stop you stealin’ dawg ‘coz this should do you a lifetime! Fix your money achin’ problems boy! Ya dig? Anyway Bro, DON'T FORGET ME kid. I’ll catch ya on the MELLOWSHIP SLINKY IN B-MAJOR. Peace!” It was from the Doc. Me n’ Doc were like a BROTHER’S CUP now.
I thought “SHIT!” They all asked where I got the money from and I told them I found it.
They told me to make a live journal about my money finding. So here I am.
The end.