"I like 'affirmative'." "Oh, it's much more positive."
If I had told myself two years ago, when I graduated college, that I wouldn't have a job and I'd be miserable living with my sister and I'd be feeling this stuck, lost and hopeless, I would have laughed, said "No way!" and gone back to reading my book.
My life is so many whys and sighs right now. Why did I think moving in with my sister was a good idea? Why didn't I realize that she wasn't offering it to help me? Why didn't I listen to my parents? Why didn't I have more jobs, over the years? Why did I believe that a degree would help me? Why can't I just leave? Why do I let things hold me back? Why do I always end up being the one who's held back?
Sigh. :'(
Twin!Tara once told me that I'm "an ALL-CAPS person living in a lowercase world" and that I'm "destined for greatness". I want to believe that. I want to believe the things I believed two years ago. But it's hard when I constantly find myself sitting hunched up against my dresser with salty, cool tears slipping down my face.
I used to be optimistic.
My life is so many whys and sighs right now. Why did I think moving in with my sister was a good idea? Why didn't I realize that she wasn't offering it to help me? Why didn't I listen to my parents? Why didn't I have more jobs, over the years? Why did I believe that a degree would help me? Why can't I just leave? Why do I let things hold me back? Why do I always end up being the one who's held back?
Sigh. :'(
Twin!Tara once told me that I'm "an ALL-CAPS person living in a lowercase world" and that I'm "destined for greatness". I want to believe that. I want to believe the things I believed two years ago. But it's hard when I constantly find myself sitting hunched up against my dresser with salty, cool tears slipping down my face.
I used to be optimistic.