he kissed away my tears
blah, i havnt updated since the beginning of march even though i read it all the time. i just havnt had anything to say. but this morning in do. it is really sad to wake up one morning and realize you dont have any friends. that has happen to me. i never ever see my friends anymore. people that were once my very best friends and i never see them or talk to them or hang out with them. of course, i do not blame them for this. i blame myself entirely. i never call them or never invite them to hang out. mainly because i never have anywhere to invite them too. they never call me or invite me to hang out. that is prob. because they think im always with nathan. which is true in some respects. but i dont have my crappy mcalisters job anymore. so i have free nights after 7 or before 7 if i dont have to work. so for once in a long time i actually have time to hang out with other people besides nathan. but now, everyone has forgotten about me. im the girl who once was there but is now off with her boyfriend. the sad part is, im not always with. i mean he works 24/7 and when he isn't working he has to slipt his time between me and well david. so when he is with david, i am alone. and i feel so stupid calling up people to ask them if they want to hang out. i feel unwanted.
This weekend made me realize this. Whitney's 17th birthday was this weekend. i think shannen had people over to her house on friday night to hang out and celebrate it. i cant be sure if this is true because i wasnt actually invited to celebrate one of my best friends (who i hardly see or talk to anymore just like the rest of them) birthdays. instead i heard about it from nikki, she wasnt inviting me but telling me about something that it invovled. so that hurt. plus a bumch of people were going to chapel hill this weekend. Shannen, Nikki, and some others. but i didnt hear about it from them, i heard about it from david. it is not that i wanted to come, its more that i just want to be told. i want my friends back.
this statement is easier said than done. i know that this will not happen over night or if it will happen. cuz there are two problems. one even though i want to spend time with my friends, i still want to spend time with nathan. so thats tough planning. and two, i dont have the same interests as my friends anymore. they like to drink, party, stay up all night and i value sleep too much and honestly, drinking makes me sick. blah so i dont know what to do. i dont know how to patch my friendships with people or make new ones. i would like to say that ill start calling more and trying to make plans more. but i know i wont. im too scared and i dont know how they will react. i feel like an outcast...so if anyone wants to hang out, let me know!
This weekend made me realize this. Whitney's 17th birthday was this weekend. i think shannen had people over to her house on friday night to hang out and celebrate it. i cant be sure if this is true because i wasnt actually invited to celebrate one of my best friends (who i hardly see or talk to anymore just like the rest of them) birthdays. instead i heard about it from nikki, she wasnt inviting me but telling me about something that it invovled. so that hurt. plus a bumch of people were going to chapel hill this weekend. Shannen, Nikki, and some others. but i didnt hear about it from them, i heard about it from david. it is not that i wanted to come, its more that i just want to be told. i want my friends back.
this statement is easier said than done. i know that this will not happen over night or if it will happen. cuz there are two problems. one even though i want to spend time with my friends, i still want to spend time with nathan. so thats tough planning. and two, i dont have the same interests as my friends anymore. they like to drink, party, stay up all night and i value sleep too much and honestly, drinking makes me sick. blah so i dont know what to do. i dont know how to patch my friendships with people or make new ones. i would like to say that ill start calling more and trying to make plans more. but i know i wont. im too scared and i dont know how they will react. i feel like an outcast...so if anyone wants to hang out, let me know!