c'est la vie
Why is life so cruel? I mean, really, brutally cruel? I guess our experiences here on earth are supposed to be what makes up our life and kind of determines our next lives but i mean, man... its really rough. I mean, I thought that there would be more good than bad ones... but there really havent been for me. My life is full of all these awful, heart wrenching memories that just overwhelmingly outnumber the good ones. I dont know if thats a good or a bad thing. I mean, I've grown up a lot this year. More than one person should in one year. I feel like im 40. And I'm only 20. How am I going to feel when i actually hit 40... am i going to feel like im 80? That would suck. I really wanted to enjoy being young... and i didnt get to. That sucks, man, ya know? ... I guess it really is true what they say about death... it changes you. It matures you. It also makes you face your own mortality and I dont know if I wanted to do that at such a young age. When I think back on it... I should have died so many times. Between car accidents left and right, the various drugs i've subjedted my body to, not too mention the mixing of those drugs... so many times i shouldnt have woken up. so many fucking times. but why did i? i cant seem to figure it out. Am i going to do something monumental in my life like end world hunger or achieve world peace, or invent a vaccine for AIDS? I dont know yet... and i dont really believe in a god in particular... but whoever it is up there has obviously kept me here for a purpose. And i'd sure like to find out what that is...