Drugs and their uselessness.
I wonder why antidepressants are so ineffective for me. I wonder, too, why I feel so many side-effects as a result of them and yet no benifits. More importantly, I can't decide if this fact feels validating or invalidating. My instinct is toward the latter, naturally, but with a little reframing the former seems more logical.
My thought process is as follows concering the undermining sense I feel as a result of antidepressants never working for me: perhaps there's nothing actually physically wrong with me and my "issues" are all "made up". Perhaps I should be getting the hell over myself and everything I blow out of proportion. Perhaps I have total control but am too stupid and weak to force myself to stop being a jack ass.
My other thought process, however, is as such: perhaps my depression is so incredibly bad that no drugs out there can help me at all. Perhaps my seratonin levels are so incredibly low that it would take a completely out-of-the-question, unreasonable amount of drug to correct it at all.
...Either way I seem to be left with a lot of hopelessness in regards to the whole 'medicine' aspect of things. I'm not surprised, though. It has always been this way. The big problem with reverting back to trying medications again is that this point has been reinforced despite all of the possibilities it had to be better this time around, and now I don't even have the thought that I could always fall back on medication if I really needed to as a security blanket for difficult times.
Oh well.
My thought process is as follows concering the undermining sense I feel as a result of antidepressants never working for me: perhaps there's nothing actually physically wrong with me and my "issues" are all "made up". Perhaps I should be getting the hell over myself and everything I blow out of proportion. Perhaps I have total control but am too stupid and weak to force myself to stop being a jack ass.
My other thought process, however, is as such: perhaps my depression is so incredibly bad that no drugs out there can help me at all. Perhaps my seratonin levels are so incredibly low that it would take a completely out-of-the-question, unreasonable amount of drug to correct it at all.
...Either way I seem to be left with a lot of hopelessness in regards to the whole 'medicine' aspect of things. I'm not surprised, though. It has always been this way. The big problem with reverting back to trying medications again is that this point has been reinforced despite all of the possibilities it had to be better this time around, and now I don't even have the thought that I could always fall back on medication if I really needed to as a security blanket for difficult times.
Oh well.