December 2007: Thoughts on Love
Then...
I remember lying in the arms of one and hearing him ask me if I felt loved at that very moment. I looked at him surprised.
We weren't in love, but when we held each other tight and felt the warmth of our bodies up against each other, we both experienced a sense of shared love. A false love. I have grown to accept this feeling as the only love I have ever experienced - a forced love, serving only to fill our desires for acceptance and yearning.
I did feel loved, if only for a fleeting moment. Months later he was out of my life for good, but I would never forget the amazing rush of sensations I experienced while blinded by the romance and want we shared.
Now...
I know I'm young and not looking for something completely serious with another person... but feeling loved is just great and uplifting. When I'm with someone and the feelings aren't there, I sort of feel empty. Things I normally enjoy don't feel the same. Lacking the feeling of warmth from another just... sucks, especially when you are so ready and willing to give those special feelings to them, but you know you won't have them returned, no matter how much you try.
It's just a painful cycle of dreams, desire and humiliation. I don't want to keep going through this, but without it, I somehow think I'd feel worse.
I remember lying in the arms of one and hearing him ask me if I felt loved at that very moment. I looked at him surprised.
We weren't in love, but when we held each other tight and felt the warmth of our bodies up against each other, we both experienced a sense of shared love. A false love. I have grown to accept this feeling as the only love I have ever experienced - a forced love, serving only to fill our desires for acceptance and yearning.
I did feel loved, if only for a fleeting moment. Months later he was out of my life for good, but I would never forget the amazing rush of sensations I experienced while blinded by the romance and want we shared.
Now...
I know I'm young and not looking for something completely serious with another person... but feeling loved is just great and uplifting. When I'm with someone and the feelings aren't there, I sort of feel empty. Things I normally enjoy don't feel the same. Lacking the feeling of warmth from another just... sucks, especially when you are so ready and willing to give those special feelings to them, but you know you won't have them returned, no matter how much you try.
It's just a painful cycle of dreams, desire and humiliation. I don't want to keep going through this, but without it, I somehow think I'd feel worse.