I need sleeeeeeeeeeep
I sit here in my office wondering where the sleep went.
I've been trying out a new medication for my sleep issues because my doctor down here won't prescribe me what I as taking in Michigan...or what I started taking when I first moved down here. Because they're benzos.
She says [and I know] that with the problems I've had in the past, I have a lot of borderline symptoms [borderline personality disorder] and that borderlines and bipolars tend overall to have problems with addiction. This is something I know, and I understand her apprehension...however I don't have bpd [she doesn't think I do either], and have been taking benzos for 3.5 years w/o having to raise my dose even once.
Why is that? Because I KNOW that benzos can be addictive and I don't want to even risk it. Because I KNOW that my body gets used to meds quickly, so I have CHOSEN to NEVER take the sleeping meds more than 4-5 times a week. That way, I don't build up a tolerance. My old doc told me I could take them every night...again, I CHOSE not to because I don't want to risk building a tolerance for them - because they work and I'm sick of trying meds and having them not work.
I just want to get some sleep. :-(
I've barely slept in the last 2 weeks - I've taken my old meds 2x because I couldn't stand it [the not sleeping] any more, and I think, after my appointment yesterday with her, that the doc is getting sneaky - if upping the dosage on this med doesn't work, the next med she wants to put me on is an antipsychotic.
That's entirely frustrating, because I know that there are other sleep meds out there that I could try first - BEFORE "last-resort"ing to bipolar or schizoaffective drugs... not to mention that the particular antipsychotic she wants me to try - I've never heard of anyone getting the least bit sleepy on it...I've actually heard a lot opposite that - that the med is given to people, whose other meds tire them out, because it gives them energy.
What's even more frustrating is that even the fact that I'm going to a doctor for sleep meds makes them feel as though I'm addicted and need pills. :-( I just need sleep. So does she, so does everyone else. I just know that I've been on something that WORKS, doesn't need to be taken every night, and that isn't causing the side effects I'm getting from everything else.
I don't care if she wants to tell the pharmacy to dispense it a week at a time - to make sure I'm not abusing it. I'm just stuck in a rut again - trying every drug again - not sleeping again - because there's not trust.
If you never slept more than 2-4 hours on your own, what would you do? You'd go to the doctor and ask for help. But, because I have a psychiatric diagnosis, all the docs think is that I'm trying to scam them into giving me pills. It makes me want to swear. This is so frustrating.
And I start my new job Monday [I'll let you know about it later]. I NEED sleep before I start work. :-(
I've been trying out a new medication for my sleep issues because my doctor down here won't prescribe me what I as taking in Michigan...or what I started taking when I first moved down here. Because they're benzos.
She says [and I know] that with the problems I've had in the past, I have a lot of borderline symptoms [borderline personality disorder] and that borderlines and bipolars tend overall to have problems with addiction. This is something I know, and I understand her apprehension...however I don't have bpd [she doesn't think I do either], and have been taking benzos for 3.5 years w/o having to raise my dose even once.
Why is that? Because I KNOW that benzos can be addictive and I don't want to even risk it. Because I KNOW that my body gets used to meds quickly, so I have CHOSEN to NEVER take the sleeping meds more than 4-5 times a week. That way, I don't build up a tolerance. My old doc told me I could take them every night...again, I CHOSE not to because I don't want to risk building a tolerance for them - because they work and I'm sick of trying meds and having them not work.
I just want to get some sleep. :-(
I've barely slept in the last 2 weeks - I've taken my old meds 2x because I couldn't stand it [the not sleeping] any more, and I think, after my appointment yesterday with her, that the doc is getting sneaky - if upping the dosage on this med doesn't work, the next med she wants to put me on is an antipsychotic.
That's entirely frustrating, because I know that there are other sleep meds out there that I could try first - BEFORE "last-resort"ing to bipolar or schizoaffective drugs... not to mention that the particular antipsychotic she wants me to try - I've never heard of anyone getting the least bit sleepy on it...I've actually heard a lot opposite that - that the med is given to people, whose other meds tire them out, because it gives them energy.
What's even more frustrating is that even the fact that I'm going to a doctor for sleep meds makes them feel as though I'm addicted and need pills. :-( I just need sleep. So does she, so does everyone else. I just know that I've been on something that WORKS, doesn't need to be taken every night, and that isn't causing the side effects I'm getting from everything else.
I don't care if she wants to tell the pharmacy to dispense it a week at a time - to make sure I'm not abusing it. I'm just stuck in a rut again - trying every drug again - not sleeping again - because there's not trust.
If you never slept more than 2-4 hours on your own, what would you do? You'd go to the doctor and ask for help. But, because I have a psychiatric diagnosis, all the docs think is that I'm trying to scam them into giving me pills. It makes me want to swear. This is so frustrating.
And I start my new job Monday [I'll let you know about it later]. I NEED sleep before I start work. :-(