I think I know why...
I think I figured out why you say you always feel guilty when you talk to me - it's because you come online - never to talk, but to complain. You don't seem to want to talk about your life and make it better when you talk to me...all you want to do is complain, and when I try to help to make you realize life's not so horrible or make suggestions...you get upset...because I'm stopping you from what you want to do: complain.
You want to be a pessimist - and believe me, I know it's easy. It's easy to feel like the world's against you when you've been struggling with something your whole life and it doesn't seem to be getting better. It's easy to feel like you're all alone when the depression or anxiety tells you that you are.
I honestly like talking to you - when you want to talk. And I'm not saying that you can't talk about your problems - though that's probably what you're hearing right now. I don't mean that at all - what I mean is that you talk about your problems so "woe is me" all of the time and either can't or won't attempt to separate yourself from them a minute to see what's really going on around you. The disorder makes it harder to do it, but you honestly seem unwilling to try to look at yourself from outside of yourself for a minute and evaluate the situation from there.
It seems to fall in line with the fact that you quit therapy because you feel it's not going anywhere. Why do you think it's not going anywhere? Is it the therapy, or could it be because of you, too? I can't say that I know this is true, but I get the feeling that you're quitting therapy each time just before something comes out: just before you make some kind of breakthrough - because you're afraid of what might happen if you have to mentally go back to the place where you were before, you're afraid of confronting it. I did it for years, and most people do - especially people in our situations [mental illness]. We like to try to push things aside because we want to be perfect...we want to be normal...we want to FEEL good. But no one's perfect, and really, no one's normal. We all suffer - everyone. And everyone is ashamed of feeling that way because we don't want it.
But whatever you don't deal with is only going to cause mess in your life until you deal with it - not just until you talk about it - but until you're willing to deal with it: to go back there, find out what happened, why it made you feel the way it does, how it's still affecting you, and what you can do about it. Things just don't go away...even when we don't think about them.
I really do like talking to you. Whenever you're feeling better, I'd still like to go out to the mountain park and walk around...just not in the searing heat...k?
*hugs&prayers*
--Me.
You want to be a pessimist - and believe me, I know it's easy. It's easy to feel like the world's against you when you've been struggling with something your whole life and it doesn't seem to be getting better. It's easy to feel like you're all alone when the depression or anxiety tells you that you are.
I honestly like talking to you - when you want to talk. And I'm not saying that you can't talk about your problems - though that's probably what you're hearing right now. I don't mean that at all - what I mean is that you talk about your problems so "woe is me" all of the time and either can't or won't attempt to separate yourself from them a minute to see what's really going on around you. The disorder makes it harder to do it, but you honestly seem unwilling to try to look at yourself from outside of yourself for a minute and evaluate the situation from there.
It seems to fall in line with the fact that you quit therapy because you feel it's not going anywhere. Why do you think it's not going anywhere? Is it the therapy, or could it be because of you, too? I can't say that I know this is true, but I get the feeling that you're quitting therapy each time just before something comes out: just before you make some kind of breakthrough - because you're afraid of what might happen if you have to mentally go back to the place where you were before, you're afraid of confronting it. I did it for years, and most people do - especially people in our situations [mental illness]. We like to try to push things aside because we want to be perfect...we want to be normal...we want to FEEL good. But no one's perfect, and really, no one's normal. We all suffer - everyone. And everyone is ashamed of feeling that way because we don't want it.
But whatever you don't deal with is only going to cause mess in your life until you deal with it - not just until you talk about it - but until you're willing to deal with it: to go back there, find out what happened, why it made you feel the way it does, how it's still affecting you, and what you can do about it. Things just don't go away...even when we don't think about them.
I really do like talking to you. Whenever you're feeling better, I'd still like to go out to the mountain park and walk around...just not in the searing heat...k?
*hugs&prayers*
--Me.