stolen from deemystified
Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to
get out of downtown Atlanta is to turn around and start over when you
reach Greenville, South Carolina.
All directions start with, "Go down Peachtree" and include the phrase,
"When you see the Waffle House." Except that in Cobb County, all
directions begin with, "Go to the Big Chicken."
Peachtree Street has no beginning and no end and is not to be confused
with
Peachtree Circle
Peachtree Place
Peachtree Lane
Peachtree Road
Peachtree Parkway !
Peachtree Run
Peachtree Terrace
Peachtree Avenue
Peachtree Commons
Peachtree Battle
Peachtree Corners
New Peachtree
Old Peachtree
West Peachtree
Peachtree-Dunwoody
Peachtree-Chamblee
Peachtree Industrial Boulevard
and others I'm too busy to name.
Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask
anyone for directions they will always send you down Peachtree.
Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. That's all they drink there, so don't
ask for any other soft drink unless it's made by Coca-Cola.
Gate One at Atlanta's Hartsfield International Airport is 32 miles away
from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.
The 8 am rush hour is from 6:30 to 1:00 PM.
The 5 PM rush hour is from 1:00 to 7:30 PM.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday afternoon and lasts through 2am
Saturday.
A native can only pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue, so do not attempt the
Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right
and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is "pawns duh LEE-on".
The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all
traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for
three days and it's on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes
for a week. All grocery stores will be sold out of milk,bread, bottled
water, toilet paper, and beer.
I-285, the loop that encircles Atlanta that has a posted speed limit of
55 mph (but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run
over), is known to truckers as "The Watermelon 500."
Don't believe the directional markers on highways. I-285 is marked "East"
and "West" but you may be going "North" or "South". The locals identify
the direction by referring to the "Inner Loop" and the "Outer Loop". If
you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast.
Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta. Just go to one of the
interstates and you will soon find one in the middle of the road. Pick up
a"wheel-barra" while you're at it.
The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless
your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a
full clip.
Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.
There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia.
There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia, plus a
couple no one has seen before.
If it grows, it sticks. If it crawls, it bites.
It is not a shopping cart, it's a buggy.
"Fixinto" is one word (I'm fixinto go to the store).
Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when
you're 2 years old.
"Jeeeet?" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"
EDIT: (my, rachelute's, own addition) "Ustacud" - this conjuction is actually a phrase meaning "I used to be able to" (used-to-could)
If you understand these jokes, feel free to share them with your friends from Atlanta, Georgia and those who just wish they were.