Another Pants Adventure
This happened a while back, but I was recently reminded of it and I seem to have never told this story on LJ, or if I did I neglected to tag it.
Kate, do not read! Contains skittering.
ETA: Comments contain scary insect stories.
I was house-sitting for my parents, who don't live in a particularly rural area but it does have enough greenery for coyotes, rabbits, and so forth.
The day before I had entered the house, only to be confronted at the doorway by a giant blood splatter, and then a trail of blood, obviously left by something being dragged, leading down a hallway. It looked just like a lurid murder scene, except that the victim was clearly smaller than a chicken. I followed the blood trail from room to room, noting the artistic addition of feathers and, in the guest bedroom, a sad twiglike bird foot, until I finally came upon the ritual sacrifice in the bathroom. I especially appreciated that the head was completely separated from the body and placed in an upright position, staring at me.
The next night, I was recovering upon the couch, reading a book with my shoes kicked off, when Buffy, the evil cat, walked in with a tiny, adorable field mouse in his evil jaws. It was alive and seemingly completely unharmed. I leaped up, jammed my feet into my sneakers, and went for him. He ran into my parents' bedroom and hid under the bed. I dragged him out, grabbed him by the scruff of the neck, and stuck my finger over his nose so he'd have to drop the mouse to breathe.
He dropped the mouse. It ran up the leg of my jeans.
For a moment I could not comprehend that such a thing was actually happening. I stood frozen while the small, possibly rabid animal skittered up my bare leg, its tiny claws pricking my ankle... my calf... my knee... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
I leaped up and madly shook my leg. My sneaker flew off my foot, the mouse flew out of my pants, and landed in the sneaker.
I swear, I'm not making this up.
Panting slightly, I retrieved the sneaker, saw that the mouse was huddled in the toe, and released it into the neighbor's yard.
And so I am perhaps one of the few people ever who has both set her pants on fire while naked and dripping wet, and had a mouse in her pants while wearing the pants. I feel like most people's pants adventures involve more sex, and I envy them.
Kate, do not read! Contains skittering.
ETA: Comments contain scary insect stories.
I was house-sitting for my parents, who don't live in a particularly rural area but it does have enough greenery for coyotes, rabbits, and so forth.
The day before I had entered the house, only to be confronted at the doorway by a giant blood splatter, and then a trail of blood, obviously left by something being dragged, leading down a hallway. It looked just like a lurid murder scene, except that the victim was clearly smaller than a chicken. I followed the blood trail from room to room, noting the artistic addition of feathers and, in the guest bedroom, a sad twiglike bird foot, until I finally came upon the ritual sacrifice in the bathroom. I especially appreciated that the head was completely separated from the body and placed in an upright position, staring at me.
The next night, I was recovering upon the couch, reading a book with my shoes kicked off, when Buffy, the evil cat, walked in with a tiny, adorable field mouse in his evil jaws. It was alive and seemingly completely unharmed. I leaped up, jammed my feet into my sneakers, and went for him. He ran into my parents' bedroom and hid under the bed. I dragged him out, grabbed him by the scruff of the neck, and stuck my finger over his nose so he'd have to drop the mouse to breathe.
He dropped the mouse. It ran up the leg of my jeans.
For a moment I could not comprehend that such a thing was actually happening. I stood frozen while the small, possibly rabid animal skittered up my bare leg, its tiny claws pricking my ankle... my calf... my knee... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
I leaped up and madly shook my leg. My sneaker flew off my foot, the mouse flew out of my pants, and landed in the sneaker.
I swear, I'm not making this up.
Panting slightly, I retrieved the sneaker, saw that the mouse was huddled in the toe, and released it into the neighbor's yard.
And so I am perhaps one of the few people ever who has both set her pants on fire while naked and dripping wet, and had a mouse in her pants while wearing the pants. I feel like most people's pants adventures involve more sex, and I envy them.