A User's Guide to PTSD, Part II: What Does A Flashback Feel Like?

[rachelmanija]

This is Part II of a three-part essay on Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: understanding it, having it, writing it.

Part I: What I Did In The War. (Introduction; background; what happens during trauma; what happened to me

Comments

[tekalynn]

Word on don't hug a stranger from behind. I'll kick like a mule.

[singsonggirl]

I gave my girlfriend a black eye when she decided to grab me from behind. At least she thought it was funny.

[elisem]

A long time ago, I was dating this utter ass whose response to my telling him not to sneak up behind me was to pout and try to guilt-trip me by telling me it meant I didn't love him.

In retrospect, it would have been simpler had I just broken his nose the next time he did it.

[singsonggirl]

Because you only scare the crap out of the ones you love.

[mac_stone]

Excellent series, I look forward to the conclusion.

Here via Sartorias - friending you, if that's alright.

And thanks.

[chomiji]

Interesting. I tend to automatically try to strike (with some type of hand blow) or elbow anyone who grabs me unexpectedly, and I have no idea where this behavior comes from. I do have one actual traumatic memory of being held down - when I was to have some teeth removed for orthodonture at age 8, they didn't warn me before they put the breathing mask over my face, and my last conscious memory is of kicking out while they attempted to restrain me. But I am not sure that is the reason for my reactions even now.

I'm not at all surprised that major depression and insomnia set in when you went to college. The change in environment and withdrawal of my usual social connections had me on the ropes with insomnia in the first two weeks, and that cascaded to major depression by the next month. It would not surprise me if this were extremely common in introverted but social people. On top of everything else, this must have been devastating for you.

[rachelmanija]

From other comments here, it sounds like people can have that sort of reaction just because of normal human variation. Also, you train, which probably ingrained your natural tendencies.

I recall that a number of other students had some sort of nervous breakdown soon after going away to college. One of my roommates was suicidal and had to be shipped back home.

[loligo]

But I am not sure that is the reason for my reactions even now.

You might want to read up on sensory integration dysfunction to see if that helps you make sense of your reactions. Basically, any of your seven senses (the classic five, plus proprioception and vestibular sense) can be hard-wired a bit off, making you over- (or under-)sensitive to those particular sensations. Some significant percentage of kids who appear to have "aggressive" behavior problems are just kids having very understandable reactions to everyday physical contact that feels threatening to them, because their sensory integration is off. (My five year-old's vestibular system is so out of whack that any touch that shifts her balance is really scary for her... and she had to end up with a best friend who's a *hugger*. Not good.)

[danceswithwaves]

I tend to do the same thing. My friend once poked me to get my attention and I was kind of spaced out at the time and I punched her before I could stop myself. It's not something I do often, mainly since I've trained myself out of it. And she wasn't really hurt, mainly surprised, since even by that time I'd learned to temper my reaction. I've always thought I just happen to have quick reflexes, since I can't think of an other reason. At one point I took kickboxing, but stopped partially because I recognized my hit-reactions were getting stronger.

[ruffwriter]

(Oh man, it is such a bad idea to grab people from behind. Even without PTSD, my natural instinct is to evade it and protect myself... and I'm a really tactile person, too!)

I'll be adding all three parts of this to my memories... it's an amazingly thorough resource for anyone who wants to write about it, and I think it'll be really valuable. Thank you so much for sharing your experience! It's really, really admirable how well-adjusted you are despite everything.

[arielstarshadow]

A wonderful and engrossing second parter - and I'll be re-reading it because I got a few ideas for possible scenes in the book from it.

Thanks again for taking the time to write this.