The Drama of the Gifted Child, by Alice Miller
Summary: Lots of parents were the victims of child abuse and parents who crushed and denied their feelings; they then abuse, or deny and crush the feelings of their own children. It takes lots of therapy to overcome this. Many patients come in claiming that their childhoods were just fine, but after a bunch of sessions, they realize that actually, their childhood feelings were denied and crushed.
Moms! The first few weeks of infancy are crucial, and if you aren’t perfectly sensitive and loving (while you’re sleep-deprived, exhausted, and overwhelmed) you will cause enormous trauma to your child, which will persist throughout their entire life unless they do intensive therapy.
My feelings: Meh. I agree with what she says when it comes to actual abuse, of course. But a lot of what she talks about sounds a lot more like “failure to be perfectly sensitive and caring 24-7.” I bet Miller hates the idea of “good enough parenting,” but it came to my mind a lot while reading. It takes a lot to make me to think, “You’re being awfully hard on parents,” but I did. Not to mention, “Parents could often stand to be more sensitive, but kids are probably not going to be OMG traumatized for life because their parents let them have bites of ice cream but wouldn’t buy them their own cones,” and “Stop insisting that people are in denial just because they aren’t saying what you think is the truth.”
The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self
Crossposted to http://rachelmanija.dreamwidth.org/1000089.html. Comment here or there.
Moms! The first few weeks of infancy are crucial, and if you aren’t perfectly sensitive and loving (while you’re sleep-deprived, exhausted, and overwhelmed) you will cause enormous trauma to your child, which will persist throughout their entire life unless they do intensive therapy.
My feelings: Meh. I agree with what she says when it comes to actual abuse, of course. But a lot of what she talks about sounds a lot more like “failure to be perfectly sensitive and caring 24-7.” I bet Miller hates the idea of “good enough parenting,” but it came to my mind a lot while reading. It takes a lot to make me to think, “You’re being awfully hard on parents,” but I did. Not to mention, “Parents could often stand to be more sensitive, but kids are probably not going to be OMG traumatized for life because their parents let them have bites of ice cream but wouldn’t buy them their own cones,” and “Stop insisting that people are in denial just because they aren’t saying what you think is the truth.”
The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self
Crossposted to http://rachelmanija.dreamwidth.org/1000089.html. Comment here or there.