You're like a steamed vegetable, only smarter.
I want to move so far away, I'd be able to brag about it. I would rather tear out my brain stem, drag it to the nearest four-way intersection and skip rope with it than continue living where I do now.
So watching Spongebob today funny enough made me wonder why I am always trying to run away. I still have no answer to that. But my mother and I were talking earlier, and she thinks it's genetic. My dad dropped out of high school and joined the army, went to Princeton for a year and a half, lived in Germany for a while, taught for a bit... we're rolling stones, perhaps?
I have washed my hands of the godforsaken JET application. It's done and I'm praying I at least get an interview. It's kind of funny, they don't ask for race on the application whereas every survey, application, everything in America wants to know what color you are. So I've had 2 dreams about Japan so far, mostly because I'm trying to wrap my head around being in a new country for a year where I'm going to be a gaijin and different in pretty much every (cultural) sense. Whatever happens, I know will be for the best. At this point, Shikata ga nai 仕方がない, or my least favorite Japanese phrase ever, "it can't be helped."
Oh and random but I hung out at Andrea's Saturday night and immediately after I left I ran into Mike B. He's absurd and I kind of want to make out with his roommate.
So Saturday was women's retreat and it was in the Trustees Ballroom in SMG, which I think looks oddly like the inside of the Titanic, well James Cameron's Titanic. Anywho, it was fruitful and spiritually rewarding and all that jazz. I'll go into further detail:
I liked the guest speaker. In addition to having the cutest kid of all time with her, she talked about things I feel and most people feel such as over-thinking things and trying to fill an emptiness in yourself with other things when it could (or should be, I suppose) God. She also recommended books I would like to read.
Going back to what I said before, I definitely felt like I was missing something when I came here, and it wasn't just friendship and family, not to sound too corny, but there's got to be more to college than parties and cramming. And I wasn't getting much out of Mass when I went once a week. I thought I was agnostic, but not being sure confuses me more. If I'm going to believe in something (or nothing), I'd rather be the best at that. I thought about other religions, but I think Catholicism fits me best, which may be due to my mother never forcing it on me and my brother. I mean, I chose to go to a Catholic high school. When I pray regularly, it doesn't feel awful like when I prayed every now and then and out of guilt. And to be honest, I didn't like the person I was becoming. I know everyone gets jealous and shit talks, but this summer I just felt like I was becoming very bitter and mean, and it was consuming me. Not to say that there aren't things that still don't bother me about the Church and religion in general, but I think it helps that the people at the Catholic Center are human. We have a lot in common and not everyone is super conservative.
Also, I still do have my doubts and questions, but it's bad to just blindly accept everything at face value anyway.
Anyways, I liked my small group at the retreat. I felt like it had a good variety of people and experiences. One girl I think is really interesting because she wants to be a pro-life OB/GYN and I know everyone has their beliefs about that issue but why I think it's cool is because it's incorporating her beliefs into her future career. Though not necessarily in that direction, I would like to have one job or do service work relating to the Church, but not like flat out mission work. We'll see, though. I'm afraid that my religious life will suffer once I leave BU. And for chrissake, what'll happen if I go to Japan? In my mind, there's like one Catholic church in Japan.
I know I'm like all over the place but I chalk the retreat up as a win. There were peanut butter cookies there, so yeah, even I had gotten nothing out of it spiritually, catering never disappoints.
So watching Spongebob today funny enough made me wonder why I am always trying to run away. I still have no answer to that. But my mother and I were talking earlier, and she thinks it's genetic. My dad dropped out of high school and joined the army, went to Princeton for a year and a half, lived in Germany for a while, taught for a bit... we're rolling stones, perhaps?
I have washed my hands of the godforsaken JET application. It's done and I'm praying I at least get an interview. It's kind of funny, they don't ask for race on the application whereas every survey, application, everything in America wants to know what color you are. So I've had 2 dreams about Japan so far, mostly because I'm trying to wrap my head around being in a new country for a year where I'm going to be a gaijin and different in pretty much every (cultural) sense. Whatever happens, I know will be for the best. At this point, Shikata ga nai 仕方がない, or my least favorite Japanese phrase ever, "it can't be helped."
Oh and random but I hung out at Andrea's Saturday night and immediately after I left I ran into Mike B. He's absurd and I kind of want to make out with his roommate.
So Saturday was women's retreat and it was in the Trustees Ballroom in SMG, which I think looks oddly like the inside of the Titanic, well James Cameron's Titanic. Anywho, it was fruitful and spiritually rewarding and all that jazz. I'll go into further detail:
I liked the guest speaker. In addition to having the cutest kid of all time with her, she talked about things I feel and most people feel such as over-thinking things and trying to fill an emptiness in yourself with other things when it could (or should be, I suppose) God. She also recommended books I would like to read.
Going back to what I said before, I definitely felt like I was missing something when I came here, and it wasn't just friendship and family, not to sound too corny, but there's got to be more to college than parties and cramming. And I wasn't getting much out of Mass when I went once a week. I thought I was agnostic, but not being sure confuses me more. If I'm going to believe in something (or nothing), I'd rather be the best at that. I thought about other religions, but I think Catholicism fits me best, which may be due to my mother never forcing it on me and my brother. I mean, I chose to go to a Catholic high school. When I pray regularly, it doesn't feel awful like when I prayed every now and then and out of guilt. And to be honest, I didn't like the person I was becoming. I know everyone gets jealous and shit talks, but this summer I just felt like I was becoming very bitter and mean, and it was consuming me. Not to say that there aren't things that still don't bother me about the Church and religion in general, but I think it helps that the people at the Catholic Center are human. We have a lot in common and not everyone is super conservative.
Also, I still do have my doubts and questions, but it's bad to just blindly accept everything at face value anyway.
Anyways, I liked my small group at the retreat. I felt like it had a good variety of people and experiences. One girl I think is really interesting because she wants to be a pro-life OB/GYN and I know everyone has their beliefs about that issue but why I think it's cool is because it's incorporating her beliefs into her future career. Though not necessarily in that direction, I would like to have one job or do service work relating to the Church, but not like flat out mission work. We'll see, though. I'm afraid that my religious life will suffer once I leave BU. And for chrissake, what'll happen if I go to Japan? In my mind, there's like one Catholic church in Japan.
I know I'm like all over the place but I chalk the retreat up as a win. There were peanut butter cookies there, so yeah, even I had gotten nothing out of it spiritually, catering never disappoints.