Heyp- als
Hey everyone,
Decided to update this thing because I never do!
Well let's see.. Today went to Andrew's 21st birthday party and saw some people I haven't see in probably a year or so. That was pretty cool.. I miss all them and the sad thing is I have been living 5 mins from Amanda for 5 months now.
We are moving soon.. which is for the better but it sucks because we didn't want too.. but the last incident was the last straw for our landlord so he said "get outtttt" so we gotta find a new place to live within a month or maybe less. Don't think Lauren is gonna be moving with us because her and Melanie just don't get along and they are complete opposites and I have had to break up many physical fights between them. But seriously this house and the people we met when we moved here has caused nothing but horrible things and stress and crap to our lives. I am just so glad those people aren't in my life anymore. No more cops, no more stolen things, no more fights, no more threats and having a fist 2 inches from my face, and just no more fucking drug addicts and bullshit I NEVER needed in my life.
Heard Rachel is leaving in 5 days which sucks cause I don't hang out with her as much but I def want to before she leaves. So don't forget to call me Rachel.. I think someone should have a party for her! I would but I always get the sense no one ever wants to come to my house for some reason.. No one lives her but me and my sisters and Bailey, Lacey, And Tristan now.. Sooo before we move out, why not?
I do have one good guy in my life so far named Scott who I do think likes me and isn't just lying or using me. He really is funny and makes me laugh and treats me pretty well and I have alot of fun hanging out with him. We have hung out pretty much every single night for 2 months now it seems. Not offically my boyfriend but I guess as close as you get to it.
I am getting Lauren to get me a snowball because I love snowballs and I hate asking for them because I am weird.
I have realized how bad of an anxiety problem I just might have.. it's like I am scared to do so many things because I might look stupid. Which is ridiculous and I wish I could stop it, not to mention how self concious I fucking am it pisses ME off sometimes. Everyone says just do it like it's so easy to get over my problems and say "sure buddy" and go do it. I hate going places alone, I don't like to walk into someone elses house with out them being right there to open the door, I hate being in a room full of people I don't know (not counting clubs or bars), I panic insanely if I get lost or stuck in a weird traffic situation, and there is so many more things I can't even name them all. I really don't think I was this bad before but I guess since people keep doing things for me it makes it just get worse with age.. What the fuck am I supposed to do about it? who knows.. I really wanna just suck it up and go do whatever the fuck I want and say whatever the fuck I want without some fear of everyone laughing at me like I always have. It's stupid and I know, no one has to tell me that part, I just wish someone could tell me how to get over most of it. I feel I miss out on so many opportunities because of this shit.
Oh well I get along fine though.. and I have realized this journal is really long and no one will probably read it. But hey is that why I write journals? No..
Ok well im here if anyone ever wants to call me and chill or see what's up probably will be a while before I post again.
LOVE,
Rachel
Decided to update this thing because I never do!
Well let's see.. Today went to Andrew's 21st birthday party and saw some people I haven't see in probably a year or so. That was pretty cool.. I miss all them and the sad thing is I have been living 5 mins from Amanda for 5 months now.
We are moving soon.. which is for the better but it sucks because we didn't want too.. but the last incident was the last straw for our landlord so he said "get outtttt" so we gotta find a new place to live within a month or maybe less. Don't think Lauren is gonna be moving with us because her and Melanie just don't get along and they are complete opposites and I have had to break up many physical fights between them. But seriously this house and the people we met when we moved here has caused nothing but horrible things and stress and crap to our lives. I am just so glad those people aren't in my life anymore. No more cops, no more stolen things, no more fights, no more threats and having a fist 2 inches from my face, and just no more fucking drug addicts and bullshit I NEVER needed in my life.
Heard Rachel is leaving in 5 days which sucks cause I don't hang out with her as much but I def want to before she leaves. So don't forget to call me Rachel.. I think someone should have a party for her! I would but I always get the sense no one ever wants to come to my house for some reason.. No one lives her but me and my sisters and Bailey, Lacey, And Tristan now.. Sooo before we move out, why not?
I do have one good guy in my life so far named Scott who I do think likes me and isn't just lying or using me. He really is funny and makes me laugh and treats me pretty well and I have alot of fun hanging out with him. We have hung out pretty much every single night for 2 months now it seems. Not offically my boyfriend but I guess as close as you get to it.
I am getting Lauren to get me a snowball because I love snowballs and I hate asking for them because I am weird.
I have realized how bad of an anxiety problem I just might have.. it's like I am scared to do so many things because I might look stupid. Which is ridiculous and I wish I could stop it, not to mention how self concious I fucking am it pisses ME off sometimes. Everyone says just do it like it's so easy to get over my problems and say "sure buddy" and go do it. I hate going places alone, I don't like to walk into someone elses house with out them being right there to open the door, I hate being in a room full of people I don't know (not counting clubs or bars), I panic insanely if I get lost or stuck in a weird traffic situation, and there is so many more things I can't even name them all. I really don't think I was this bad before but I guess since people keep doing things for me it makes it just get worse with age.. What the fuck am I supposed to do about it? who knows.. I really wanna just suck it up and go do whatever the fuck I want and say whatever the fuck I want without some fear of everyone laughing at me like I always have. It's stupid and I know, no one has to tell me that part, I just wish someone could tell me how to get over most of it. I feel I miss out on so many opportunities because of this shit.
Oh well I get along fine though.. and I have realized this journal is really long and no one will probably read it. But hey is that why I write journals? No..
Ok well im here if anyone ever wants to call me and chill or see what's up probably will be a while before I post again.
LOVE,
Rachel