Mar 18, 2004 18:37
so my return to school was met with more snow. awesome.
last night mike and i went and saw poison the well and thrice in albany. such a good show. and i got to see ryan for the first time since july...ha, he got a scene haircut and was wearing a muscle tee. he's so rad though...i think i had forgotten how awesome he is. and he remembers the most random details...i was really surprised. he invited me to their show next month with thursday to hang out. hmm...we'll see. also...acoustic performance of "the melting point of wax"=<3
in other news...spring break was really, really awesome. i want to thank everyone that was there for me and gave me support. i know that i haven't been the easiest or most fun person in the world to deal with lately, but i am trying really hard to make positive changes in my life and having friends around me to cheer me on means the world to me. and it's really opened my eyes up to a lot of realizations...including some i didn't want to see. sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom to see things the way they really are. the people that are there with you holding your hand and encouraging you are your true friends...the people you're blessed to have in your life, and the ones who abandon you are the fairweather friends that you're better off without. some people whom i thought were fairweather friends turned out to be true friends and, unfortunately, some people that i had considered to be true friends turned out to be fairweather friends. it can be a hard learning experience to go through, but it's one that, ultimately, i feel lucky to have gone through at such a young age. and damn do i have a lot of amazing friends...another way in which i'm lucky.
things are still hard though. i'm honestly trying as hard as i can to stay positive...but i don't feel like i'm doing a very good job. i mean, i can fake it well enough when i'm around people but that's exactly what i'm doing...faking it. the bad things keep happening on an almost daily basis. so much so that i've stopped talking about them entirely. but it's sooo hard to stay positive when the blows keep coming, you know? i keep telling myself that i'm being tested and that if i keep toughing it out things will get better, but then they just get worse. i'm to the point where i really don't know what to do. i want to give up. i want to lock myself in a room and not come out for the next two years. i can't handle anymore bad news. i really can't.
sorry for the bitchfest.