Colors of Freedom
This past Sunday, I heard a story while at service at Steele Creek Church. It was repeated by our Brazillian pastor:
"Two men are imprisoned in the same cell. It's dark, the only light coming in from a tiny window three feet off the floor. Everyday, both men look out this window and at the light that comes into the dark prison cell. One sees only the bars on the window, and increasingly becomes discouraged and depressed about his situation. The other, sees the world beyond, and in always full of hope for the future."
Lately, I've been stuck in a prison. No, it's not the four blank walls of the Fridge, as my office down in the Media Department is lovingly nicknamed. It has been--believe it or not--my support-raising process.
Ever since getting here in Charlotte this time around, I've been blasted right and left with support-raising ideas, struggles, you name it, I've heard it these past three weeks. At first, it was okay to listen and contribute to the discussions. But the more I listened--and I did a lot of listening--the more and more I became uncomfortable. Slowly, but rather pointedly, God has been revealing some stuff in my heart in regards to my own support-raising process. Its been going slow, and I've been frustrated. But part of my issue has been the sinful side of me saying, "I don't want to do it," and letting the chips fall where they may.
When I finally got around to actually uncovering and admitting that to the Lord, it was the day before church. I had spent the better part of two hours talking and journaling with Jesus, trying to honestly discover what was going on in my heart. When God finally showed me my biggest issue with my support, I was ashamed for letting the selfish me get in the way of my obedience to His plans.
That following day, I was at service, listening to our incredible Brazillian brother share the story of how God set him free of not only idol worship in Brazil. He talked about how God has a plan for us. God knows His plans, and He knows our "plans". But unlike our "plans," God's plans cannot be thwarted. Even when we, in our human fraility and stupidity, make mistakes, we cannot take down God's plans. Calling on the name of the Lord; being filled with the Holy Spirit through prayer, Bible reading, worship; turning to Jesus--these things bring freedom. Freedom to let God work as He chooses and plans.
As I listened, I realized that I had been ashamed of my mistakes because I was thinking I had hurt God's great plans for His work. But you know what? God, in His immense mercy and grace, not only makes my mistakes work out in His plans, but He also has forgiven my mistakes. As I made my way to the altar, to confess and repent and totally let the power of Jesus cleanse me, I felt freedom. For the first time in a long time, I felt freedom to rest in God's plans.
. . . red is the blood that cleanses the sinful heart to white, shining like a star on a bright field of blue . . .