(no subject)
title: journey to an invebelity (part one)
author: sarah_iva_maiarah_iva_mai
pairing: rachel/jesse
rating: T
summary: Rachel's life takes an unexpected turn when she finds out who's going to be staring along with her on Broadway.
disclaimer: I own nothing. Glee, Rachel, and Jesse all belong to Ryan Murphy and FOX.
a/n: any mistakes are my own.
When she’s walking down the busy and lively streets of Time Square, she can’t help but already feel like a star. It’s a great feeling, one that induces a positive energy inside of her. There is nothing in the world that can bring her down today, she thinks, as she spots the gigantic billboard on top of the theater home.
However, when Rachel walks inside, and makes her way down the long, empty lounge, she cannot help but start to have a few doubts. She tells herself that they aren’t a big deal. Their barely at the back of her mind, and she just shuts them out. Nevertheless, their still there, creeping up on her, whispering: What if? What if?
Her fingers suddenly feel prickly, and she starts rubbing them against her wool coat against her better judgment. This wasn’t high school, she assures herself. Back in those days, she could see herself on Broadway every morning, accomplishing her life goal since she was three. In addition, she wasn’t going to deny that she had done some horrendous stuff to get to the place she wanted to be. But she graduated from high school years before, and she was no longer just staring at her photoshop made picture every morning to motivate herself, the picture of her on a Broadway stage, wowing the audience with her voice and general performance. This was real, and she couldn’t help but think the tiniest slip-up in that auditorium could ruin all she had been working for.
As she draws nearer to the auditorium, she starts to feel faint.
“Relax,” Rachel told herself quietly, swallowing a big lump in her throat that shouldn’t be there. “You’re a star. Just remember.”
She walks into the auditorium, her heels clacking on the wooden floor. She suddenly starts to have flashbacks from all those times she had been a part of glee club, her and everyone else having the time of their lives, singing, dancing, and just being them. Part of her wishes that it could be that simple right now, but it wasn’t.
“Excuse me,” she calls out. There are three people behind a seating desk, and they all look about ready to depart, until they hear her and turn around.
“Hi!” Rachel says, and she notes to herself not to sound as enthusiastic as she just did.
Rule #1: Don’t act too jumpy.
“I’m Rachel Berry. I’m here to audition for the role of Elle?”
The woman, who has cropped, blonde hair (Rachel can’t help but think she resembles that of a pixie fairy), turns to the other two judges. “I thought auditions were over for the day, Malcolm.”
The man on the right, supposedly named Malcolm, coughs into his hand. He looks to be in his late-forties, with combed back black hair that has tints of gray on the side. He is wearing a green striped sweater-vest, which makes him look like a grumpy Christmas-elf. His eyes seem hard, showing no vivid emotion. He turns to Rachel. “Auditions are over for the day,” he says in a clipped, no-nonsense tone. “Come back next week-“
This cannot be happening, Rachel thinks, her blood going cold. Next week? She wouldn’t be here of all next week. It was one of her dad’s birthdays all the way back in Lima, and she promised she’d be there earlier to spend some quality time with them for the whole week. With focusing solely on her career, she hadn’t gotten the chance to see her dad’s as much as the all would have liked. However, if the auditions weren’t going to be hold again until next week…and she knew that they were only going to allow more auditions for another week right after today…
“Please!” She says suddenly, a desperate tone to her voice that she couldn’t help but reveal. “It’ll just be real quick. I’m already all prepared and-“
Malcolm just puts a hand up in front, frustration written all over his wrinkled, lined face. “We already said-“
“I guess we could give it a shot,” the woman says, perching her glasses up on her thin nose. “Just this once couldn’t be so bad. God knows no one today was right for the role.”
No one today was right for the role. When she hears it, she has to keep from jumping up and down, something she normally did when she got the part in something. Rachel knew, with certainty and confidence, that she was destined to play the role of Elle. Who else better to play an ambiguous, independent, endowed, albeit lonely heroine than her? It was an absolute perfect fit! Not to mention the fact that other actors had been chosen for the back-up characters. Elle, the main lead, was the only one people were still auditioning for after five months, the judges traveling across the globe.
Malcolm gave her another crossed look, as though contemplating whether she was good enough. Finally, he let out a low sigh. “Very well then,” he said. “You may do your act.”
Rachel beamed, and she knew that she may have looked like a five-year-old toddler, but she didn’t really mind at the moment. She handed them her resume with all her back ground information planted, and walked up on stage. All fears and insecurities from before had vanished like the wind, and all she could see in front of her were shining, golden stars.
Metaphors for her. Being a star.
“And what shall you be doing for your audition?” The chucky, bald-headed man on the right asked, with a questioning stare. Rachel was beginning to wonder, were people for the role really not that good, or were these three judges just fastidious? Either way, she was about to find out for herself.
“I will be singing, “As Long As He Needs Me”, originally sung by the character of Nancy in 1960 musical, “Oliver”! She announced brightly.
All three judges shared a look, and if she didn’t know any better, Rachel would assume that they were impressed by this choice of song. She had been torn between many musical numbers, actually making a very long, detailed list of the pros and cons of singing this and that. At one point, she wondered if they would let her sing more than one.
While she took pride in her final choice of the famous solo from “Oliver!”, part of her couldn’t help but feel a tad bit ashamed. She had made the choice, long ago, that she was no damsel-in-distress that needed to saved and cuddled by a big, strong soldier. She was her own woman, knew how to stand good and tall in her own shoes. She wasn’t needy and dependent like she had once been long ago with a certain boy named Finn Hudson, a boy she hadn’t even spoken one word too since graduation. “Good luck…out there…I’m sure you’ll be great.” Those had been his last words before walking away, with Quinn Fabray’s arm wrapped around his.
Rachel carefully put her stereo down on the stage, taking her “Oliver!” CD out of her vintage handbag which Kurt (one of the few people she still kept in touch with from glee club) had gotten for her last Christmas. She put the disc in, and kept on pressing the fast-forward button, until she heard the familiar soft melody. She stood up, swiped at her skirt, opened her mouth, and began to sing with all the power she could muster from inside of her.
As long as he needs me…
Oh, yes, he does need me…
In spite of what you see…
‘m sure that he needs me…
* * *
The truth was, Elle wasn’t one of those plays that Rachel had grown up worshiping and acting out every role by herself. In fact, in her early years of life, she always found the plot of the story pretty dull. And she never gave thought to it until she actually took the time to sit down and read the newspaper. That’s when she saw the add, and she finally decided to sit and watch the original film once more.
She was quite amazed, and wondered why she hadn’t re-watched the musical sooner. Elle told the story of a poor girl, who had spend most of her life moving from once place to another, with her unemployed mother. The heroine, Elle, who happened to be a gifted singer and claret player, gets into prestigious performing arts school, leaving her troubled life behind. Things turn out to be much harder than Elle had originally thought. She had to deal with the upper-class students who sneered down at her, was involved in a love triangle with two boys who happened to be the polar opposite of one another, and was also participating in a competition to see who was the most talented upcoming artist of the year. The story ended in triumph, of course - Elle sings a beautiful song about life and courage, a song that Rachel has already memorized with all her heart, and wins.
Every time she watched the musical, or even thought about it when rehearsing for the main role, Rachel couldn’t help but see the eerie similarities between herself and Elle. Elle was not only extremely talented and had a stunning voice to fit (even though Rachel thought the actress who played Elle in film wasn’t that good) , but she was also strong, independent, and despite the fact that she was caught in a love triangle in the story, didn’t need a man to make her happy. In fact, Elle doesn’t chose any suitors. She decides that she’s just fine on her own. Just like Rachel had decided all those years ago.
* * *
She gets the call two months later.
“Hello?” Rachel answers her cell phone, a little too eagerly. This is how it’s been for the past two months. Every time she got a call, she couldn’t help but hope that it was one of the judges to tell her that she had gotten the part (or to sadly break the news that she didn’t, but Rachel likes to believe that itself wasn’t a possibility). And she always ended up being disappointed when it turned out to be someone else.
“Ms. Berry, I assume?” The lady on the other end asked, and Rachel recognizes the high- pitched voice of one of the judges she had encountered. Her heart stops for a moment.
This was it. Finally, after months of waiting and worrying and hoping and feeling a bunch of other things she didn’t want to label, it was happening. She was going to found out if she got the part. She briefly remembers her father’s words from when she went to visit him for his birthday, just a week after the audition. “Just remember, it’s still quite early for you,” he had told her wisely. “If you don’t end up getting the part, you are still a star through and through.”
“Yes, this is she,” Rachel said.
“Well, hello there Ms. Berry. It’s a pleasure to hear from you once again.”
Oh for goodness sake, she couldn’t do small talk now! No time to waste! “Likewise,” she manages to get out. “May I ask why you are calling?”
The lady, Rachel can’t even remember her name, gives a small cough on the other end. “Yes,” she said, now sounding professional. “I must sincerely inform you that, for the past few months, we have been seriously considering who could play the role of Elle in this film production. There was a lot of deliberation on your part especially.”
Rachel breathed in deeply. Was this good news or bad news?
“And, I am pleased to say that we have decided you are the right lead.”
Oh. My. God. It’s a mantra in her head. Oh my God.
“I got the part,” Rachel says quietly to herself, in a blissful daze. She has stopped walking in the middle of the street. Her hands suddenly feel sweaty. She can’t hear a thing.
I got the part. I did it.
“I’m sorry, what did you say?”
“What?” Rachel snaps back into reality (which is so good right now). “Oh, I’m sorry. It’s just - really?” She can’t help but ask, just to be positively sure before she contacted every single person in her phone book and told them the good news.
The lady gave a laugh. “Yes, we are sure. Many were qualified for the role, but alas, we all agreed you were the best.”
“Oh my, this is - this is - thank you!” Rachel shrieked. “This is such an honor. I can’t even begin to explain to you!”
“No worries. Now, about rehearsals…”
She continued on to give Rachel important information, regarding those who would be in the play, where rehearsals took place, what time, etc. Rachel jotted down all the information on her notepad with much speed.
“That is all. Good-bye. And congratulations.”
When she hangs up, Rachel doesn’t hold back. She flings her arms up, the wide smile on her face hurting her cheeks. At the top of her lungs, she yelled, “I’M GOING TO BE ON BROADWAY.”
On the very first day of rehearsals, she’s all set. She gets up at precisely six o’ clock in the morning, draws herself a hot bath, brushes her teeth, blow-dries her hair, applies just a tad bit of makeup, and has her jumpsuit in her bag, all ready to go.
She takes the bus, which is the quickest transport there. On the way, she re-reads the script for maybe the 100th time since they had send it to her. As always, Rachel is exceedingly impressed when reading it.
She was going to own the role of Elle.
When she walks into the auditorium for the second time, the first thing she sees are the people on stage. There is a small, frail-looking girl with long red hair, tied up in a high ponytail. Rachel automatically knows that she plays Halle, who played Elle’s best friend, a guitarist. On the ride of her is a tall blonde girl who could be on the cover of VOUGE magazine, a boy with curly brown hair that resembled cotton candy, and many other people.
The same judges she had met before are on stage, and it looks as though they are telling everyone where to stand. Rachel takes a deep breath.
“Hello!” She calls out, skipping towards the front of the stage. “I’m sorry I’m late, I thought-”
“You’re fine,” one of the judges tells her, and Rachel immediately remembers him as Malcolm, who had been cold and upfront when she first met him. She also had found out that he was, indeed, the director of the play. She had felt foolish for not knowing such an important fact when she had first audition for the role. “Everyone showed up earlier than supposed to.”
“Oh,” Rachel mumbled to herself. She couldn’t explain it, but Malcolm made her feel uneasy, like a child who done something wrong and was well aware of it.
Malcolm turned back to the stage, looking at everyone else. “This is Rachel Berry,” he said, his voice echoing in the room. “She is, as you all should know, is starring in the play as Elle Summons.”
Rachel tried not to beam.
Malcolm turned towards one of the chorographers, asking him to get him a cup of hot, caffeinated coffee. “On stage,” he said simply. “Next to Adam. One with the funny-looking dimple.”
There were a few chuckles that went around, but Adam blushed and looked at the ground. Rachel couldn’t help but feel bad for him ; he didn’t seem like the social type.
Malcolm went on to explain (very passionately) all about the play, what he expected of each and every one of them, how they all needed to “embrace their talent”, and “throw themselves into the characters they were playing.” If she had her notorious notepad on her, Rachel would be writing down every word he said.
“Uh, Malcolm?” The lady from behind me said. “Not everyone is here.”
Malcolm gave an annoyed sigh. ‘What do you mean, everyone isn’t here?” He grumbled. “Who on earth is missing?”
“Well, I just received a call from Mr. St. James, and he says that he’ll end up being a little bit late this afternoon.”
St. James. The minute she hears the words fall out of the woman’s mouth, Rachel suddenly unmistakably numb.
Surely, she couldn’t mean Jesse. There was no way. The concept of her and Jesse ending up being the leads in the same play (Rachel could not see anyone in the cast resembling Jared) was preposterous, not to mention too big of a coincidence. Besides, St. James wasn’t such an uncommon last name in the world ; it could be someone else. Rachel nodded to herself, feeling reassured.
Then the doors to the stadium opens, and the sound of the doors opening catches everyone’s attention immediately.
“I’m sorry I’m late,” a familiar voice says, as the boy who just walked into casually starts to move forward in a swift stride. He brings an air of utter confidence and conviction.
Rachel blinks.
It can’t be him. No, this is all wrong.
“Jesse St. James,” the lady said, smiling slightly. “Good to see you at last.”