A Day to End Sexual Violence
Isn't that a nice thought?
This year, I've found myself approaching Sexual Assault Awareness Month with a degree of despair. I am aware of sexual assault--I cannot remember a time when I was not, and, indeed, I suspect this is the case for most women. We learn from an early age to associate our gender and sexuality with potential victimhood: we have menstrual cycles; we can make babies; we generally have wider hips and fuller breasts; we can be raped. It is a constant reality for us, tugging at the backs of our minds every time we walk alone down even familiar streets or step into an elevator with a man. We learn go constantly hunt for escape routes; to hold our keys *just so* when we walk to our cars at night; that nowhere is safe and no one is not a potential assailant.
Four-plus years as a first-contact crisis advocate, and a lifetime of feminist activism have honed that awareness, sharpened it to a razor's edge. I am aware of legislation and court precedents, of legal tactics and verdicts. I know how a rape kit is collected, and how to maintain a chain of evidence, and a dozen different approaches to crisis counseling. I am aware of resources and grants and groups and organizations and events and hotlines and sociological interpretations and basic self-defense. I know which fabric and craft stores carry teal ribbon. I am aware of surveys, of statistics--and of how little those statistics matter, and how illusory the idea of safety really is.
But today is April 3, and it is Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and I cannot stay quiet or sit still. Wearing a teal ribbon is not enough. Nothing is enough.
Not until survivors of sexual violence can tell their stories without shame or fear of reprisal.
Not until perpetrators are held accountable for their actions and the social and personal consequences of those actions.
Not until rape is no longer used as tool of military aggression.
Not until a survivor's sexual history is not used against her in a court.
Not until governments accord equal protection to women of every race and class.
Not until survivors of same-sex assaults can press charges without fear of prosecution for "crimes against nature."
Not until perpetrators' race, class, and social status no longer afford them immunity from prosecution or accountability.
Not until colleges stop turning a blind eye to the behavior of their star athletes.
Not until police stop intimidating and re-traumatizing survivors.
Not until the sexual abuse of children is treated as legally and socially intolerable.
Not until survivors are no longer pressured to put their own feelings and rights aside to forgive their assailants.
Not until we teach our children that everyone has the right to control their own body, and that acquiescence is not the same thing as consent.
Not until the stereotypical date scene of a boy pushing as far as he can, regardless of what he wants, and a girl fending off his advances, regardless what she wants, is gone from our culture.
Not until we stop stigmatizing sexuality.
Not until women everywhere have the right to sovereignty over their bodies and fertility.
Not until male rape victims are no longer violently stigmatized and their sexuality questioned.
Not until survivors of female-to-female sexual violence are not shunned in the lesbian community.
Not until no human being can commit sexual assault without knowing that he or she has done anything untoward.
Not until marriage is no longer seen as entitlement for sexual services.
Not until sex workers are afforded equal legal protection, and violent assaults are not legally categorized as "theft of services."
Not until the stereotype of the woman "crying rape" is recognized as the myth that it is.
Not until the media stops perpetuating misconceptions and falsehoods and playing violent sexual assaults for laughs.
Not until feminization is no longer seen as degradation.
Not until the aphorism "boys will be boys" has fallen out of public use.
Not until women online are not met with violent and graphic threats of rape and other sexual and physical violence.
Not until law enforcement takes those threats seriously.
Not until threat of rape is no longer used as a means of controlling people.
Not until survivors of sexual violence are routinely given access to proper medical care, including emergency contraception and prophylactic medication, without incurring crippling debt.
Not until women can walk safely alone at night in any neighborhood.
Not until intoxication is not considered an excuse for violence.
Not until survivors are no longer prosecuted for defending themselves.
Not until nothing is considered an excuse for sexual violence.
Not until sexuality is no longer treated as a means of expressing aggression and dominance.
Not until our culture confronts and corrects centuries of social injustice.
Not until no human being is a victim or perpetrator of sexual violence.
So:
This month, I'll be posting daily. Sometimes it'll just be a link to a resource, a news site, or another blog. Sometimes it will be more.
No matter what it is, it won't be enough.
But it will be a start.
SILENCE FEEDS ABUSE AND VIOLENCE--SPEAK UP AGAINST SEXUAL ASSAULT UNTIL OUR COMBINED VOICES CAN NO LONGER BE IGNORED.