Damn It's Been a Long time since I've written in here
This has already been posted on myspace, but I figured alot of you don't have myspace...so...here it goes...
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Numb (The saddest day of my life)
Some of you might not want to read this because it's intense, but I have to release it.
My mom came into my room at about 7:30 this morning and said that there was something wrong with my dad, she thought he was dead. So, of course, I immediately dart out of bed and run into their room. He had white foam coming from his mouth and nose and he was cold and his heart wasn't beating. I shook him and cried and screamed "daddy wake up please daddy wake up." The EMS people came soon after that and my mom sat outside with me while I tried to smoke a cigarette even though I couldn't even breath. After about 45 minutes of trying to bring him back, they came outside and told us he had passed away. My mom and both freaked out and I was shaking uncontrollably and rocking back and forth and crying hysterically. I told my mom not to believe them, that they were lying, I just kept repeating over and over again. "It's not true, they're lying, it's not true, they're lying."
I have never felt more sadness in my entire life. I empty, numb, hollow, void of all feelings what-so-ever. I have been crying since 7:30 this morning and have just now begun to slow down. There have been people at my house off and on all day trying to comfort us, but nothing helps. I know my dad is "in a better place" everyone keeps telling me that. But that doesn't help me feeling any better because he isn't here with me now. He was my best friend, and some times, my only friend. He always stood up for me, fought for me, and most of all believed in me. The best dad a girl could ever ask for.
A couple of weeks ago we were smoking a bowl together and he asked me if I thought he had been a good dad and I told him that he couldn't have been a better dad no matter how hard he tried because he was the best ever. The only comfort I have is knowing that at least he knew how much I loved him and I thought that world of him.
I am so sad, my dad is gone. He is really gone. I saw them take him away. It's real, it's not a horrible nightmare. This is my life. I will have no one to walk me down the alter if I ever get married. And I know he would have been the best grandfather in the world.
I feel so bad for my mom and even more so for my memaw. I can't imagine having to burry my child, or lose the love of my life.
This is so surreal.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Numb (The saddest day of my life)
Some of you might not want to read this because it's intense, but I have to release it.
My mom came into my room at about 7:30 this morning and said that there was something wrong with my dad, she thought he was dead. So, of course, I immediately dart out of bed and run into their room. He had white foam coming from his mouth and nose and he was cold and his heart wasn't beating. I shook him and cried and screamed "daddy wake up please daddy wake up." The EMS people came soon after that and my mom sat outside with me while I tried to smoke a cigarette even though I couldn't even breath. After about 45 minutes of trying to bring him back, they came outside and told us he had passed away. My mom and both freaked out and I was shaking uncontrollably and rocking back and forth and crying hysterically. I told my mom not to believe them, that they were lying, I just kept repeating over and over again. "It's not true, they're lying, it's not true, they're lying."
I have never felt more sadness in my entire life. I empty, numb, hollow, void of all feelings what-so-ever. I have been crying since 7:30 this morning and have just now begun to slow down. There have been people at my house off and on all day trying to comfort us, but nothing helps. I know my dad is "in a better place" everyone keeps telling me that. But that doesn't help me feeling any better because he isn't here with me now. He was my best friend, and some times, my only friend. He always stood up for me, fought for me, and most of all believed in me. The best dad a girl could ever ask for.
A couple of weeks ago we were smoking a bowl together and he asked me if I thought he had been a good dad and I told him that he couldn't have been a better dad no matter how hard he tried because he was the best ever. The only comfort I have is knowing that at least he knew how much I loved him and I thought that world of him.
I am so sad, my dad is gone. He is really gone. I saw them take him away. It's real, it's not a horrible nightmare. This is my life. I will have no one to walk me down the alter if I ever get married. And I know he would have been the best grandfather in the world.
I feel so bad for my mom and even more so for my memaw. I can't imagine having to burry my child, or lose the love of my life.
This is so surreal.