Fanfiction: Broken Wings, Chapter 27
For author's note and disclaimer see Chapter 1
Epilogue: Back on the Ground
Cam tried not to fidget as Landry flipped the folder closed and looked at him.
'You've made your decision then?' Landry asked.
Cam nodded. 'I have.' He stilled the urge to squirm in his seat like a schoolboy in front of a principal. There had been another serious discussion with Carolyn and his specialist following his latest trip to the infirmary. Cam had agreed to the surgery and hence his meeting with a newly returned General to discuss the arrangements.
Landry nodded. 'I'll accept both your request for someone to be assigned temporarily and your recommendation for your replacement.' He lowered his busy eyebrows. 'Have you discussed this with Sheppard?'
'Yes, he's in agreement.' Cam said firmly. He and John had traded phone calls in the days since their vacation had come to a sudden end. They'd ended up in the infirmary of the SGC for a day together before John had been transferred back to Atlantis and Cam had gone to the Academy hospital.
John had suggested Lorne as a candidate for the hopefully temporary position of SG1 leader while Cam was unavailable. Cam had agreed. He liked Lorne well enough and Lorne was a veteran of the programme; very well able to deal with the weirdness of it.
Unlike Morrow. The Odyssey commander had been quietly transferred back to regular forces. Cam had received a reprimand for stunning Morrow but nothing more than that. He was lucky; he could have been court martialed for assault. His jaw set. It would have been worth it, Cam thought decisively. More than worth it.
Landry frowned at him. 'You and Sheppard seem to have it all worked out.'
'I like to think we work well together.' Cam replied mildly, trying not to react to the hint of disapproval in Landry's tone when he spoke John's name.
'He earned you a reprimand.' Landry pointed out dryly.
Cam held his tongue that it was a badge of honour. Instead, he shifted to meet Landry's gaze unapologetically. 'Sheppard had nothing to do with my decision to take control of the Odyssey. I would have done it for anyone.' That Morrow was an idiot went without saying.
Landry harrumphed. He sat back and regarded Cam with the same mix of paternal affection and mentoring CO that he always did. 'Some might say he's a less than positive influence.'
'Only those who don't know him well.' Cam said firmly. His words were a warning and Landry nodded in acknowledgement that he was treading too close to something Cam believed was none of his business. 'He's a good man and a good friend.'
'Well, I can't argue with that.' Landry said. He leaned forward suddenly and tapped the folder. 'I take it he had something to do with this beyond suggesting Lorne?'
'He helped me make the decision.' Cam allowed. John had listened to him weigh up the pros and cons for days.
'Good.' Landry's eyes gleamed. 'There may be hope for him yet.' He waved at Cam. 'I'll get the paperwork processed.'
'Thank you, sir.' Cam replied, waiting for the dismissal.
Landry hesitated. 'About what happened with Allia…'
Cam struggled to keep the anger from flashing in his eyes but he thought he'd been successful when Landry remained apologetic.
'Initially, the decision not to inform you was at her request and later, when she confessed that she was Allia's daughter and not her, it was done to protect you since your name was the one that had leaked out.' Landry sighed. 'I realise that it may not seem effective given what happened.'
'I'm not sure it would have made a difference either way, sir.' Cam murmured, letting his CO off the hook. And it was the truth. Cam figured that the Alliance would have come after him either way. Would it have been better to have been forewarned? Cam couldn't say. He wasn't about to suggest that they go back and change time to find out.
Landry nodded slowly. 'How's Miss Vandenburg?'
'She's doing well.' Cam said. Amy had been freed of the Goa'uld by the Tok'ra but she was struggling to come to terms with events. She had asked Cam to give her some space, telling him she didn't blame him but that he was too much of a reminder of what she had been through. She wanted to move on and he couldn't stand in her way. He mourned the loss of their friendship but he believed that ultimately he'd made the right decision not to marry her. He loved Amy but not enough; he'd used her just as much as the Alliance in the end and that was something he was still working on forgiving himself for.
Landry seemed about to say something else - impart some fatherly wisdom perhaps - but instead he relented and dismissed Cam briskly.
Cam made his way through the mountain to Daniel's office. He could hear the voices of his team drifting down the corridor, feminine laughter spilling out into the corridor. His spirits lightened a little and helped the nerves churning in his belly. He straightened his shoulders and went in.
They all turned to greet him.
His eyes immediately went to Sam, dressed in a flight suit wearing the patches of The General Hammond. Mitchell's eyes warmed. She deserved the ship; hell, she'd designed it.
'Hey, congratulations!' He said, nudging her elbow and almost upsetting the half-full mug of coffee in her hand.
Sam beamed at him while surreptitiously directing him to sit on the stool next to her. 'I'm happy I've finally taken command of her.'
'Shouldn't you be up there?' Cam asked, wondering why she was on the ground when the Hammond was in orbit.
'I had to handover some stuff to Bill,' Sam explained, gesturing with her coffee, 'and I wanted to catch up with you guys. I haven't seen you…'
'Since yesterday.' Daniel interjected quietly. He hid his face in his own mug of coffee when Sam shot him a dirty look.
'She has been missed.' Teal'c remonstrated gently, bowing his head at Sam.
Vala nodded enthusiastically. 'Very.' She suddenly hugged Sam, placing her head on Sam's shoulder and holding on tightly. 'Don't leave me again with the boys!' She proclaimed dramatically.
Sam patted her back but her eyes met Cam's over Vala's head and Cam wasn't surprised when she rolled them at him. 'Sorry, Vala, but I think duty is going to call me any minute.'
'You mean Jack.' Daniel said slyly.
'Someone cracked the ninth chevron game last night.' Sam grinned at Daniel's outrage.
'Why didn't Nick call me?' Daniel asked grumpily.
'You know Rush.' Sam shrugged. 'He got Jack out of bed this morning with the news. They've gone to convince the kid to go with them and Senator Armstrong for a demonstration.' She held up a hand before Daniel could say anything more. 'If you want to go you'll have to badger Landry.'
Cam hid a smile at her glee.
Daniel subsided.
'Actually, I'm glad you're all here.' Cam placed his clasped hands on the bench in front of him and regarded them all nervously. 'I have something to tell you…'
They heard him out; the news about his physical condition, the surgery, how it all got tangled up with Amy…and his decision to have the surgery and the temporary assignment of Lorne as team leader.
'Lorne's a good choice.' Sam said approvingly. 'At least he seemed able to handle it in the other reality I visited.'
Cam had forgotten that. He smiled. 'Well, it's good to know I'm leaving the team in capable hands.' He tried to be blasé but as Daniel's eyes narrowed, Cam knew he hadn't been as successful as he had wanted.
'Are you nervous about the surgery?' Vala asked bluntly, proving that Cam hadn't been able to shake the anxiety out of his voice. She moved; looping her arm around his and squeezing comfortingly. 'Because you know Samantha and I will be doing everything we can to help you.'
Sam nodded her agreement.
He felt warmed by that; knowing they'd both help him heal with the Goa'uld hand device. It meant that potentially his recovery would be in weeks rather than months. 'Thanks, Vala.'
'We will all assist you in your recovery, Colonel Mitchell,' Teal'c added as Sam slipped away to discreetly talk on her earpiece with her ship, 'in whatever way we can.'
Cam nodded, a lump in his throat making it difficult for him to reply.
Daniel's gaze met his across the small office that was so filled with Daniel, with the souvenirs of SG1 in all its formations. 'We're not going anywhere, Mitchell.'
And there it was the reassurance he'd been after; that they would wait for him to come back. That he wouldn't have a repeat of the last time when he'd turned up to join them and found they had scattered to pursue other things and left him alone.
'Actually, I am going somewhere.' Sam cut in. She placed her mug down and sighed. 'They just beamed the kid up. I have to go prepare for launch.' She slipped her arms around Cam as Vala moved back. 'I'll call you when I get back.' She stepped back again before Cam could return the hug and disappeared in a flash of white.
Cam shook his head and smiled.
'What?' Vala asked seeing his expression.
'Just something Sheppard said.' Cam explained. He waved at where Sam had disappeared. 'He thinks no-one really leaves SG1.'
Daniel and Teal'c exchanged a shared look of history and affection before they turned the same gaze on Cam and Vala. 'He was right.'
'We will always be SG1.' Teal'c concurred.
Cam felt his shoulders loosen; the tension leaving them completely. He grinned back at his team. 'So, what are you guys up to anyway?'
Daniel's face immediately brightened as Vala shot Cam a look that said 'you had to say that?' and Teal'c smiled with his eyes as the archaeologist launched into an explanation of something to do with Mayan artefacts…
Cam didn't mind. He settled back to enjoy the show as Daniel's arms started waving and gesturing. Vala slipped her arm through his again and he gave her a grateful smile; he really did love his team.
o-O-o
The lights of Atlantis shone brightly behind him and the lights of the bay of San Francisco shone just as brightly in front. John gazed out on the dark ripples of water. It was weird to think that no-one on land could see the city cloaked as she was. He leaned back, his legs dangling over the pier and turned his attention to the night sky. He was pleased that his shoulder had healed enough to bear his weight again. It had been a through and through; some muscle damage Vala had healed once he'd been stabilised by the doctors.
He was nicely buzzed. There was enough alcohol fizzing through his system to leave him relaxed and slightly floating; not enough that he was completely incoherent and incapable of moving. It was a good place to be.
Rodney shifted beside him. The scientist was lying flat on his back, a bottle of beer balanced on his belly.
They'd made an evening of it; dinner with Teyla and Ronon followed by sitting out on the pier, the two of them drinking and exchanging Dad stories. There was a competitive edge to the stories even if there was nothing to play for but that's how his friendship worked with Rodney and he wasn't about to change it. He'd confided about his mother's death and had the comfort of Rodney being as outraged as Mitchell had been when John had told him his Dad had actually said it had been John's fault. He was beginning to believe that it might not have been…that maybe he had just been a scared eleven year old kid who had done the best he could.
Just as he had been a scared adult doing the best he could for the last five years, John mused, taking a deep breath of air. Maybe if he could start to forgive himself for his Mom, he could start to forgive himself for the other losses.
It was a start.
Rodney sighed loudly; the noise travelling through the quiet. John gazed back at him questioningly.
'I was just thinking about the story you told you know when you were in the helicopter and we were on the Odyssey coming to save you.' Rodney said, turning to look at him. His face was creased with sadness. 'I was just thinking that there's only you and me left now who get that moment when you sat in the chair and plucked that image of the solar system out of the database with your mind. Elizabeth's gone and Carson. I mean, I know our Carson now has the memories of it but he wasn't actually the one who was there, who let the drone almost kill you.'
'I know.' John said quietly, letting his own sadness fill him up. He returned his gaze to the night sky.
'Did you really think I was irate and pissed off?' Rodney asked.
'Mostly, I thought orange.' John returned.
Rodney kicked out with his leg, brushing John's rather than landing a severe blow.
'It was cold! And visible! You know if I'd gotten lost.' Rodney said defensively.
Maybe he could ask Rodney to wear orange all the time, John mused; then John wouldn't lose him like he'd lost the others.
As though Rodney had read his mind, he suddenly began talking again. 'I expect you to be telling that story to my children one day but less of the irate and pissed off and…'
'Orange?' quipped John.
'And orange,' agreed Rodney. His brow creased in consternation. 'Are we drunk?'
'Drunk enough.' John declared. He followed Rodney's example and laid back. He folded his hands over his stomach.
'Oh, hey,' Rodney flapped a hand at him, 'how did the board meeting go earlier?'
John grimaced. He'd attended the board meeting of Sheppard International, keeping his promise to his brother. He could picture the stuffy board room with its line of wide windows on one side, and modern art hanging off the walls on the other; the neat table in the centre with its row of water glasses and folders. And the men and women around it; an army of business suits, laptops and Blackberrys that had made him shudder.
'It was fine.' John said, belatedly answering Rodney's question. 'The guy who tried to oppose Dave's proposal got his numbers wrong.'
Something John had pointed out. Didicott - and it had been all John could do not to snigger at the name - had blustered and said John was wrong until Dave had stood up for him, pointing out that John had a Masters in Applied Mathematics and made instantaneous advanced calculations in his head as a matter of course in flying a fighter jet. John had been touched by the support and the knowledge that Dave apparently knew he was smarter than he sometimes wanted to appear. Didicott had been soundly trounced; Dave's position was secure.
'You going to spend more time with Dave while we're on Earth?' Rodney asked a little tentatively.
'Maybe.' John murmured. He and Dave had spoken about a family trip out to Clanceyville. Dave wanted to show his kids the ranch and make it a tradition for them as it had been a tradition for him and John. John could get behind that. He'd finally met Dave's kids and his wife and he liked Dave's family. His family. 'You going to see Jeannie?'
'She invited me.' Rodney said grumpily.
So that was a yes, John thought amused.
'She wants me to bring Jennifer.' Rodney said with a touch of horror in his voice. 'I mean, I know I love Jennifer but I don't think we're quite ready to be, you know, doing the whole family thing and…sorry; you don't need to hear this.'
'Hey.' John nudged him. 'You want to talk about it; go ahead and talk about it.'
Rodney looked over at him. 'I feel bad though because you don't have anyone.' His eyes widened in shock as though he hadn't meant to be that honest. 'Not that you have to have anyone; being single is a perfectly valid choice and it's not like you couldn't get someone if you wanted someone which - I mean, do you? Because they're a couple of new scientists who are exactly your type - well, not Ascended but you know willowy brunettes who have that whole…'
John began laughing and Rodney stopped babbling.
'Crap.' Rodney muttered. 'I said I wasn't going to be that type of friend.' He motioned with his bottle. 'You know the one that hooks up and tries to match make everyone else.'
'You're not that type of friend.' John assured him. He reached over and patted Rodney's shoulder. 'And I'm OK.'
'Really?' asked Rodney seriously.
John met Rodney's concerned gaze and smiled. 'Really.'
The conversation on the pier stayed with John through the next couple of days as did the feeling that he truly was OK. He was sleeping better; eating more. He'd lost the bone deep sense of exhaustion that had dogged him before.
He headed out to the company airfield near Colorado and waited for Mitchell outside the hangar. His friend pulled up in a classic car that had John drooling a little and he admired it while they greeted each other.
Mitchell regarded him curiously. 'OK, so you tempted me here with the words you had some kind of big surprise?'
John grinned at him. He gestured for Mitchell to follow him inside the hangar.
Mitchell's mouth obligingly fell open at the sight of the brand new Cessna. 'Wow.'
'Dave bought her for me.' John said, pushing his hands into the pockets of his jeans and rocking back on them. 'He said it was a get well present.'
'You think he'll buy me one after my surgery?' Mitchell asked teasingly.
John laughed. 'You never know.' He started to walk towards his newest possession. 'Come on.'
Mitchell followed him eagerly. 'OK, so we're going flying, right? You didn't drag me all the way here just to show me how beautiful she is. Oh,' he pointed at John, 'what are you calling her?'
John stopped and turned to Mitchell. 'I thought I'd call her Gina.'
After Lovell who'd saved both their lives.
John had kept his promise there too; he'd gone to Washington and met with Stanley who had been pleased at the impact his friendship had had on Gina although he'd been upset about her death.
Mitchell nodded. 'Gina. I can agree to that.'
John smiled in amusement. 'So I think I won our last story competition; my Antarctica story definitely beat yours.'
'What?' Mitchell mock-glared at him. 'I don't think so. I almost died!'
'I met Rodney.' John shot back as they started walking again.
'OK, but I almost died!' Mitchell argued.
John smiled and let Mitchell continue to argue as they set about the technical check. John glanced back at the blue sky and his heart leaped happily.
They'd be up there soon; flying.
Free as birds.
It was all he had ever wanted.
'Hey, Sheppard!' Mitchell yanked his attention back to the plane. 'Are we flying or what?'
His blue eyes shone with wry knowledge, as though he knew what John had been thinking. He probably did, John realised with amusement.
'Yeah,' John said joyfully, 'we're flying.'
fin.
Epilogue: Back on the Ground
Cam tried not to fidget as Landry flipped the folder closed and looked at him.
'You've made your decision then?' Landry asked.
Cam nodded. 'I have.' He stilled the urge to squirm in his seat like a schoolboy in front of a principal. There had been another serious discussion with Carolyn and his specialist following his latest trip to the infirmary. Cam had agreed to the surgery and hence his meeting with a newly returned General to discuss the arrangements.
Landry nodded. 'I'll accept both your request for someone to be assigned temporarily and your recommendation for your replacement.' He lowered his busy eyebrows. 'Have you discussed this with Sheppard?'
'Yes, he's in agreement.' Cam said firmly. He and John had traded phone calls in the days since their vacation had come to a sudden end. They'd ended up in the infirmary of the SGC for a day together before John had been transferred back to Atlantis and Cam had gone to the Academy hospital.
John had suggested Lorne as a candidate for the hopefully temporary position of SG1 leader while Cam was unavailable. Cam had agreed. He liked Lorne well enough and Lorne was a veteran of the programme; very well able to deal with the weirdness of it.
Unlike Morrow. The Odyssey commander had been quietly transferred back to regular forces. Cam had received a reprimand for stunning Morrow but nothing more than that. He was lucky; he could have been court martialed for assault. His jaw set. It would have been worth it, Cam thought decisively. More than worth it.
Landry frowned at him. 'You and Sheppard seem to have it all worked out.'
'I like to think we work well together.' Cam replied mildly, trying not to react to the hint of disapproval in Landry's tone when he spoke John's name.
'He earned you a reprimand.' Landry pointed out dryly.
Cam held his tongue that it was a badge of honour. Instead, he shifted to meet Landry's gaze unapologetically. 'Sheppard had nothing to do with my decision to take control of the Odyssey. I would have done it for anyone.' That Morrow was an idiot went without saying.
Landry harrumphed. He sat back and regarded Cam with the same mix of paternal affection and mentoring CO that he always did. 'Some might say he's a less than positive influence.'
'Only those who don't know him well.' Cam said firmly. His words were a warning and Landry nodded in acknowledgement that he was treading too close to something Cam believed was none of his business. 'He's a good man and a good friend.'
'Well, I can't argue with that.' Landry said. He leaned forward suddenly and tapped the folder. 'I take it he had something to do with this beyond suggesting Lorne?'
'He helped me make the decision.' Cam allowed. John had listened to him weigh up the pros and cons for days.
'Good.' Landry's eyes gleamed. 'There may be hope for him yet.' He waved at Cam. 'I'll get the paperwork processed.'
'Thank you, sir.' Cam replied, waiting for the dismissal.
Landry hesitated. 'About what happened with Allia…'
Cam struggled to keep the anger from flashing in his eyes but he thought he'd been successful when Landry remained apologetic.
'Initially, the decision not to inform you was at her request and later, when she confessed that she was Allia's daughter and not her, it was done to protect you since your name was the one that had leaked out.' Landry sighed. 'I realise that it may not seem effective given what happened.'
'I'm not sure it would have made a difference either way, sir.' Cam murmured, letting his CO off the hook. And it was the truth. Cam figured that the Alliance would have come after him either way. Would it have been better to have been forewarned? Cam couldn't say. He wasn't about to suggest that they go back and change time to find out.
Landry nodded slowly. 'How's Miss Vandenburg?'
'She's doing well.' Cam said. Amy had been freed of the Goa'uld by the Tok'ra but she was struggling to come to terms with events. She had asked Cam to give her some space, telling him she didn't blame him but that he was too much of a reminder of what she had been through. She wanted to move on and he couldn't stand in her way. He mourned the loss of their friendship but he believed that ultimately he'd made the right decision not to marry her. He loved Amy but not enough; he'd used her just as much as the Alliance in the end and that was something he was still working on forgiving himself for.
Landry seemed about to say something else - impart some fatherly wisdom perhaps - but instead he relented and dismissed Cam briskly.
Cam made his way through the mountain to Daniel's office. He could hear the voices of his team drifting down the corridor, feminine laughter spilling out into the corridor. His spirits lightened a little and helped the nerves churning in his belly. He straightened his shoulders and went in.
They all turned to greet him.
His eyes immediately went to Sam, dressed in a flight suit wearing the patches of The General Hammond. Mitchell's eyes warmed. She deserved the ship; hell, she'd designed it.
'Hey, congratulations!' He said, nudging her elbow and almost upsetting the half-full mug of coffee in her hand.
Sam beamed at him while surreptitiously directing him to sit on the stool next to her. 'I'm happy I've finally taken command of her.'
'Shouldn't you be up there?' Cam asked, wondering why she was on the ground when the Hammond was in orbit.
'I had to handover some stuff to Bill,' Sam explained, gesturing with her coffee, 'and I wanted to catch up with you guys. I haven't seen you…'
'Since yesterday.' Daniel interjected quietly. He hid his face in his own mug of coffee when Sam shot him a dirty look.
'She has been missed.' Teal'c remonstrated gently, bowing his head at Sam.
Vala nodded enthusiastically. 'Very.' She suddenly hugged Sam, placing her head on Sam's shoulder and holding on tightly. 'Don't leave me again with the boys!' She proclaimed dramatically.
Sam patted her back but her eyes met Cam's over Vala's head and Cam wasn't surprised when she rolled them at him. 'Sorry, Vala, but I think duty is going to call me any minute.'
'You mean Jack.' Daniel said slyly.
'Someone cracked the ninth chevron game last night.' Sam grinned at Daniel's outrage.
'Why didn't Nick call me?' Daniel asked grumpily.
'You know Rush.' Sam shrugged. 'He got Jack out of bed this morning with the news. They've gone to convince the kid to go with them and Senator Armstrong for a demonstration.' She held up a hand before Daniel could say anything more. 'If you want to go you'll have to badger Landry.'
Cam hid a smile at her glee.
Daniel subsided.
'Actually, I'm glad you're all here.' Cam placed his clasped hands on the bench in front of him and regarded them all nervously. 'I have something to tell you…'
They heard him out; the news about his physical condition, the surgery, how it all got tangled up with Amy…and his decision to have the surgery and the temporary assignment of Lorne as team leader.
'Lorne's a good choice.' Sam said approvingly. 'At least he seemed able to handle it in the other reality I visited.'
Cam had forgotten that. He smiled. 'Well, it's good to know I'm leaving the team in capable hands.' He tried to be blasé but as Daniel's eyes narrowed, Cam knew he hadn't been as successful as he had wanted.
'Are you nervous about the surgery?' Vala asked bluntly, proving that Cam hadn't been able to shake the anxiety out of his voice. She moved; looping her arm around his and squeezing comfortingly. 'Because you know Samantha and I will be doing everything we can to help you.'
Sam nodded her agreement.
He felt warmed by that; knowing they'd both help him heal with the Goa'uld hand device. It meant that potentially his recovery would be in weeks rather than months. 'Thanks, Vala.'
'We will all assist you in your recovery, Colonel Mitchell,' Teal'c added as Sam slipped away to discreetly talk on her earpiece with her ship, 'in whatever way we can.'
Cam nodded, a lump in his throat making it difficult for him to reply.
Daniel's gaze met his across the small office that was so filled with Daniel, with the souvenirs of SG1 in all its formations. 'We're not going anywhere, Mitchell.'
And there it was the reassurance he'd been after; that they would wait for him to come back. That he wouldn't have a repeat of the last time when he'd turned up to join them and found they had scattered to pursue other things and left him alone.
'Actually, I am going somewhere.' Sam cut in. She placed her mug down and sighed. 'They just beamed the kid up. I have to go prepare for launch.' She slipped her arms around Cam as Vala moved back. 'I'll call you when I get back.' She stepped back again before Cam could return the hug and disappeared in a flash of white.
Cam shook his head and smiled.
'What?' Vala asked seeing his expression.
'Just something Sheppard said.' Cam explained. He waved at where Sam had disappeared. 'He thinks no-one really leaves SG1.'
Daniel and Teal'c exchanged a shared look of history and affection before they turned the same gaze on Cam and Vala. 'He was right.'
'We will always be SG1.' Teal'c concurred.
Cam felt his shoulders loosen; the tension leaving them completely. He grinned back at his team. 'So, what are you guys up to anyway?'
Daniel's face immediately brightened as Vala shot Cam a look that said 'you had to say that?' and Teal'c smiled with his eyes as the archaeologist launched into an explanation of something to do with Mayan artefacts…
Cam didn't mind. He settled back to enjoy the show as Daniel's arms started waving and gesturing. Vala slipped her arm through his again and he gave her a grateful smile; he really did love his team.
o-O-o
The lights of Atlantis shone brightly behind him and the lights of the bay of San Francisco shone just as brightly in front. John gazed out on the dark ripples of water. It was weird to think that no-one on land could see the city cloaked as she was. He leaned back, his legs dangling over the pier and turned his attention to the night sky. He was pleased that his shoulder had healed enough to bear his weight again. It had been a through and through; some muscle damage Vala had healed once he'd been stabilised by the doctors.
He was nicely buzzed. There was enough alcohol fizzing through his system to leave him relaxed and slightly floating; not enough that he was completely incoherent and incapable of moving. It was a good place to be.
Rodney shifted beside him. The scientist was lying flat on his back, a bottle of beer balanced on his belly.
They'd made an evening of it; dinner with Teyla and Ronon followed by sitting out on the pier, the two of them drinking and exchanging Dad stories. There was a competitive edge to the stories even if there was nothing to play for but that's how his friendship worked with Rodney and he wasn't about to change it. He'd confided about his mother's death and had the comfort of Rodney being as outraged as Mitchell had been when John had told him his Dad had actually said it had been John's fault. He was beginning to believe that it might not have been…that maybe he had just been a scared eleven year old kid who had done the best he could.
Just as he had been a scared adult doing the best he could for the last five years, John mused, taking a deep breath of air. Maybe if he could start to forgive himself for his Mom, he could start to forgive himself for the other losses.
It was a start.
Rodney sighed loudly; the noise travelling through the quiet. John gazed back at him questioningly.
'I was just thinking about the story you told you know when you were in the helicopter and we were on the Odyssey coming to save you.' Rodney said, turning to look at him. His face was creased with sadness. 'I was just thinking that there's only you and me left now who get that moment when you sat in the chair and plucked that image of the solar system out of the database with your mind. Elizabeth's gone and Carson. I mean, I know our Carson now has the memories of it but he wasn't actually the one who was there, who let the drone almost kill you.'
'I know.' John said quietly, letting his own sadness fill him up. He returned his gaze to the night sky.
'Did you really think I was irate and pissed off?' Rodney asked.
'Mostly, I thought orange.' John returned.
Rodney kicked out with his leg, brushing John's rather than landing a severe blow.
'It was cold! And visible! You know if I'd gotten lost.' Rodney said defensively.
Maybe he could ask Rodney to wear orange all the time, John mused; then John wouldn't lose him like he'd lost the others.
As though Rodney had read his mind, he suddenly began talking again. 'I expect you to be telling that story to my children one day but less of the irate and pissed off and…'
'Orange?' quipped John.
'And orange,' agreed Rodney. His brow creased in consternation. 'Are we drunk?'
'Drunk enough.' John declared. He followed Rodney's example and laid back. He folded his hands over his stomach.
'Oh, hey,' Rodney flapped a hand at him, 'how did the board meeting go earlier?'
John grimaced. He'd attended the board meeting of Sheppard International, keeping his promise to his brother. He could picture the stuffy board room with its line of wide windows on one side, and modern art hanging off the walls on the other; the neat table in the centre with its row of water glasses and folders. And the men and women around it; an army of business suits, laptops and Blackberrys that had made him shudder.
'It was fine.' John said, belatedly answering Rodney's question. 'The guy who tried to oppose Dave's proposal got his numbers wrong.'
Something John had pointed out. Didicott - and it had been all John could do not to snigger at the name - had blustered and said John was wrong until Dave had stood up for him, pointing out that John had a Masters in Applied Mathematics and made instantaneous advanced calculations in his head as a matter of course in flying a fighter jet. John had been touched by the support and the knowledge that Dave apparently knew he was smarter than he sometimes wanted to appear. Didicott had been soundly trounced; Dave's position was secure.
'You going to spend more time with Dave while we're on Earth?' Rodney asked a little tentatively.
'Maybe.' John murmured. He and Dave had spoken about a family trip out to Clanceyville. Dave wanted to show his kids the ranch and make it a tradition for them as it had been a tradition for him and John. John could get behind that. He'd finally met Dave's kids and his wife and he liked Dave's family. His family. 'You going to see Jeannie?'
'She invited me.' Rodney said grumpily.
So that was a yes, John thought amused.
'She wants me to bring Jennifer.' Rodney said with a touch of horror in his voice. 'I mean, I know I love Jennifer but I don't think we're quite ready to be, you know, doing the whole family thing and…sorry; you don't need to hear this.'
'Hey.' John nudged him. 'You want to talk about it; go ahead and talk about it.'
Rodney looked over at him. 'I feel bad though because you don't have anyone.' His eyes widened in shock as though he hadn't meant to be that honest. 'Not that you have to have anyone; being single is a perfectly valid choice and it's not like you couldn't get someone if you wanted someone which - I mean, do you? Because they're a couple of new scientists who are exactly your type - well, not Ascended but you know willowy brunettes who have that whole…'
John began laughing and Rodney stopped babbling.
'Crap.' Rodney muttered. 'I said I wasn't going to be that type of friend.' He motioned with his bottle. 'You know the one that hooks up and tries to match make everyone else.'
'You're not that type of friend.' John assured him. He reached over and patted Rodney's shoulder. 'And I'm OK.'
'Really?' asked Rodney seriously.
John met Rodney's concerned gaze and smiled. 'Really.'
The conversation on the pier stayed with John through the next couple of days as did the feeling that he truly was OK. He was sleeping better; eating more. He'd lost the bone deep sense of exhaustion that had dogged him before.
He headed out to the company airfield near Colorado and waited for Mitchell outside the hangar. His friend pulled up in a classic car that had John drooling a little and he admired it while they greeted each other.
Mitchell regarded him curiously. 'OK, so you tempted me here with the words you had some kind of big surprise?'
John grinned at him. He gestured for Mitchell to follow him inside the hangar.
Mitchell's mouth obligingly fell open at the sight of the brand new Cessna. 'Wow.'
'Dave bought her for me.' John said, pushing his hands into the pockets of his jeans and rocking back on them. 'He said it was a get well present.'
'You think he'll buy me one after my surgery?' Mitchell asked teasingly.
John laughed. 'You never know.' He started to walk towards his newest possession. 'Come on.'
Mitchell followed him eagerly. 'OK, so we're going flying, right? You didn't drag me all the way here just to show me how beautiful she is. Oh,' he pointed at John, 'what are you calling her?'
John stopped and turned to Mitchell. 'I thought I'd call her Gina.'
After Lovell who'd saved both their lives.
John had kept his promise there too; he'd gone to Washington and met with Stanley who had been pleased at the impact his friendship had had on Gina although he'd been upset about her death.
Mitchell nodded. 'Gina. I can agree to that.'
John smiled in amusement. 'So I think I won our last story competition; my Antarctica story definitely beat yours.'
'What?' Mitchell mock-glared at him. 'I don't think so. I almost died!'
'I met Rodney.' John shot back as they started walking again.
'OK, but I almost died!' Mitchell argued.
John smiled and let Mitchell continue to argue as they set about the technical check. John glanced back at the blue sky and his heart leaped happily.
They'd be up there soon; flying.
Free as birds.
It was all he had ever wanted.
'Hey, Sheppard!' Mitchell yanked his attention back to the plane. 'Are we flying or what?'
His blue eyes shone with wry knowledge, as though he knew what John had been thinking. He probably did, John realised with amusement.
'Yeah,' John said joyfully, 'we're flying.'
fin.