OPEN MIC: Painting Questions
I've had this idea for a very large painting detailing a scene of inappropriate behavior between myself as a very young child and my teenage step brother. Ideally, I'd have a copy of the letter I was written by that same step brother (pretending such things never existed) standing massive and next to this future painting.
There's lots of reasons for this, one of which being, the scene in my head, the angle, is all very vivid and would, honestly, make a great painting. There's also the fact that public embarrassment seems the best sort of punishment for such actions (both of the purportrator himself and parents of inactivity). And, there's also the female perspcective of... having not done anything wrong, but having it be MY secret to carry, and my place to feel awkward at moments, which seems backwards. The others can feel uncomfortable for a change. There is such a stigma attached to being one of the "touched". It happens. Often. See how icky it is? I'll paint it all big so you can see.
However. I was concerned about a painting of such a nature would seem too... cliche. Too annoyingly "art scene". So I asked someone close to me.
The male perspective seems rather opposite to this. I suppose it's that innate need for the male to protect and defend his woman's honor, and thus, a great deal of fury and anger that has nowhere to be directed comes forth when presented with this sort of knowlege. The idea of public shame seems to pale in comparison to the desire to pummel the fellow. I imagine there's also some degree of not wanting one's woman to seem tainted in the eyes of the world? Why you'd want anyone to know? *
I'm torn. I've had a lifetime to deal with my terrible moments and psychlogical scars, and at thsi point I imagine the thought-scene of abuse is more painful to those close to me than it would be to me. I certainly don't want to fill someone I care about with constant rage; I don't want to drive those I care about from me.
But GOD what a cathartic moment it would be to have that painting, all huge and uncomfortable, at a show.
Eh. It seems very difficult to explain to somebody that you are psychologically "over" your abuse (GOD I hate that word, that term), but still posess a certain string of abnormal associations from your developmental stages, and still enjoy the idea of making someone suffer. Maybe I'm wrong.
Thoughts on all this? Men and women both, pure conjecture or from experience, all points of view aprecciated.
....
In other news, watch me drive myself crazy trying to reorder my photographs for a new site design! GAAAHH! I keep rethinking the categories, the photographs, taking things away, adding things back. Feel free to look and tell me if something seems out of place. I'm far too close to be objective about things. And I haven't even started on the other galleries. Oogah.
Me:
* EDITED TO ADD - I think, perhaps, it's the secretive nature that does the most damage to a young person's brain, and creates abnormal associations. If, in a situation where a complete stranger were to physically assault someone, and that stranger was immediately called out, brought up on charges, and punished, then I think the message absorbed by a developing brain would instill that such behavior was wrong, was a big deal, and the assaulted would end up being more protective of their bodies, thier sexuality. Instead, when things are hushed, smoothed over, NOT made a glaring issue, it's a young brain's natural reaction to assume that it wasn't so big a deal, that it's just flesh, that things like that happen sometimes, that people are like that sometimes, that my body is not me.... and that disconnect is what creates waves of women to follow that sad stereotypical path of brokenness.
There's lots of reasons for this, one of which being, the scene in my head, the angle, is all very vivid and would, honestly, make a great painting. There's also the fact that public embarrassment seems the best sort of punishment for such actions (both of the purportrator himself and parents of inactivity). And, there's also the female perspcective of... having not done anything wrong, but having it be MY secret to carry, and my place to feel awkward at moments, which seems backwards. The others can feel uncomfortable for a change. There is such a stigma attached to being one of the "touched". It happens. Often. See how icky it is? I'll paint it all big so you can see.
However. I was concerned about a painting of such a nature would seem too... cliche. Too annoyingly "art scene". So I asked someone close to me.
The male perspective seems rather opposite to this. I suppose it's that innate need for the male to protect and defend his woman's honor, and thus, a great deal of fury and anger that has nowhere to be directed comes forth when presented with this sort of knowlege. The idea of public shame seems to pale in comparison to the desire to pummel the fellow. I imagine there's also some degree of not wanting one's woman to seem tainted in the eyes of the world? Why you'd want anyone to know? *
I'm torn. I've had a lifetime to deal with my terrible moments and psychlogical scars, and at thsi point I imagine the thought-scene of abuse is more painful to those close to me than it would be to me. I certainly don't want to fill someone I care about with constant rage; I don't want to drive those I care about from me.
But GOD what a cathartic moment it would be to have that painting, all huge and uncomfortable, at a show.
Eh. It seems very difficult to explain to somebody that you are psychologically "over" your abuse (GOD I hate that word, that term), but still posess a certain string of abnormal associations from your developmental stages, and still enjoy the idea of making someone suffer. Maybe I'm wrong.
Thoughts on all this? Men and women both, pure conjecture or from experience, all points of view aprecciated.
....
In other news, watch me drive myself crazy trying to reorder my photographs for a new site design! GAAAHH! I keep rethinking the categories, the photographs, taking things away, adding things back. Feel free to look and tell me if something seems out of place. I'm far too close to be objective about things. And I haven't even started on the other galleries. Oogah.
Me:
* EDITED TO ADD - I think, perhaps, it's the secretive nature that does the most damage to a young person's brain, and creates abnormal associations. If, in a situation where a complete stranger were to physically assault someone, and that stranger was immediately called out, brought up on charges, and punished, then I think the message absorbed by a developing brain would instill that such behavior was wrong, was a big deal, and the assaulted would end up being more protective of their bodies, thier sexuality. Instead, when things are hushed, smoothed over, NOT made a glaring issue, it's a young brain's natural reaction to assume that it wasn't so big a deal, that it's just flesh, that things like that happen sometimes, that people are like that sometimes, that my body is not me.... and that disconnect is what creates waves of women to follow that sad stereotypical path of brokenness.