you had a bad day... you're taking one down...
Today was downright horrible, and I'm glad it's about time to call it quits. Stick a fork in 9.23.06... it's done!
Work this morning was fine... steady business... nice customers... fun people to work with...
However, on break... things just went downhill. Andrew downright upset me. I don't think he even realizes how much today bothered me. I hate to be angry with him when he leaves... but today was just ... like an epiphany. I don't feel appreciated in that friendship. I give and give so much of myself (and my heart) to him... and he doesn't even notice. Today I questioned my relationship with him... and I realized... that it's ALL me. I'm the one who calls. I'm the one who finds him. I'm the one who defends him with all I have. It's like I'm addicted. He is my drug, and I just can't quit. I've got to "detox" myself from him. My feelings towards him have been completely false. I let myself believe that he is this amazing, caring, wonderful guy... and I'm beginning to doubt that. He's just another guy who knew how to talk. But he happens to be one of my best friends. That's where it gets complicated. As a friend... he does a great job. But as a best friend? I'm the one doing all the work. I just feel like filler... like someone to pass the time with when he has nothing better to do. I'm sick of being that. I'm quitting you... you have my friendship for as long as I'm alive... but you no longer have my heart. Hell, you never even realized you had it. I just can't do this anymore.
The ride back to work after telling Andrew goodbye for at least another 7 months was rough. I hated being upset with him... but I knew I had reason. Then "Chasing Cars" came on the radio and all I could think about was Brittany. That did me in. I miss her so much... I just want her here online to talk to me... just chat... and laugh... I love you, Brittany.
Then work was horrible. HORRIBLE. I do so much more around there than is required by my position... I bust my BUTT for people around there. I was just ill because of the way my break went... and because I hosted and missed out on one of the highest tipping nights we've had in a while. Kala made $160... and she had my usual Saturday section. I'm not sure how I got suckered into hosting, but I'm NOT doing it again. No more volunteering Rachael w/o her knowing... I'll go insane on them.
And the weather has been horrible.
I hate how it takes something as horrible as losing a friend to realize how much you love your friends and family. I don't tell people enough that I love them. I don't see people enough that I want to see. I don't do things the way I should...
I love my friends so much. They are my rock and my reason for living.
I hope tomorrow has better things in store.