Can't sleep
I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping lately. I'm not sure exactly why, but emotionally I can imagine there are a few things in my head that I want to get out.
A. I still haven't done much about the John-Paul thing. I came close to telling Aunt Gail the other day, but it's not easy. I start thinking about the chain reactions that could happen, but I really am starting not to care about what happens anymore. I want to get it off my chest for me, and if it creates controversy, well than that's too bad, he should have thought of that before he did what he did.
B. I'm a little anxious moving around so much. I'd like to gain some stability. I say that while I'm planning to go backpack New Zealand, which will be freaking awesome, but again It doesn't get me any closer to finding a place to call my own. As amazing as it will likely be, it's something I feel like I have to do while I'm in Australia, and it's the perfect opportunity for me to get some backpacking experience.
C. Poker is a little stressful as I haven't really earned any money in a long time. I continuously fall back into bad habits, and ignore what I need to do in order to succeed in the long term. I want to play 200PLO, but with only 8-10 buy-ins in my account I know there's a big chance I will have to reload my account, which I really don't want to do. I think it's the most +EV thing to do, but as far as stress it can definitely be difficult. Hopefully I can just put hands in and win some money before I leave for NZ.
D. Finding love is also somewhat on my mind. I am in a place in my life that it doesn't make sense to have a girlfriend, but I still want all the great things that come with having one. It's tough sometimes being single, but I think i'll eventually find someone, somewhere, somehow.
I think everything will be ok.
I'm eventually going to tell Aunt Gail what happened.
I'm going to backpack NZ and have a great time.
I'm going to succeed in poker, no matter how much work it takes me.
I need to stop worrying so much about the future. I worry so much about the future, that it affects me in the present. It's very stressful when you constantly pack your mind full of things that haven't even happened yet. I need to learn to live more in the now. I think that will be my goal for this week. Every time i start thinking about the future, i'll refocus on what's going on now.
I love writing these journal entries, very helpful. I need to be more consistent about them.
Love Christopher
A. I still haven't done much about the John-Paul thing. I came close to telling Aunt Gail the other day, but it's not easy. I start thinking about the chain reactions that could happen, but I really am starting not to care about what happens anymore. I want to get it off my chest for me, and if it creates controversy, well than that's too bad, he should have thought of that before he did what he did.
B. I'm a little anxious moving around so much. I'd like to gain some stability. I say that while I'm planning to go backpack New Zealand, which will be freaking awesome, but again It doesn't get me any closer to finding a place to call my own. As amazing as it will likely be, it's something I feel like I have to do while I'm in Australia, and it's the perfect opportunity for me to get some backpacking experience.
C. Poker is a little stressful as I haven't really earned any money in a long time. I continuously fall back into bad habits, and ignore what I need to do in order to succeed in the long term. I want to play 200PLO, but with only 8-10 buy-ins in my account I know there's a big chance I will have to reload my account, which I really don't want to do. I think it's the most +EV thing to do, but as far as stress it can definitely be difficult. Hopefully I can just put hands in and win some money before I leave for NZ.
D. Finding love is also somewhat on my mind. I am in a place in my life that it doesn't make sense to have a girlfriend, but I still want all the great things that come with having one. It's tough sometimes being single, but I think i'll eventually find someone, somewhere, somehow.
I think everything will be ok.
I'm eventually going to tell Aunt Gail what happened.
I'm going to backpack NZ and have a great time.
I'm going to succeed in poker, no matter how much work it takes me.
I need to stop worrying so much about the future. I worry so much about the future, that it affects me in the present. It's very stressful when you constantly pack your mind full of things that haven't even happened yet. I need to learn to live more in the now. I think that will be my goal for this week. Every time i start thinking about the future, i'll refocus on what's going on now.
I love writing these journal entries, very helpful. I need to be more consistent about them.
Love Christopher