c-l-a-v-i-c-l-e...

[race_jungle]

made it through the week. after my spanish exam tomorrow i don't have any more assignments until next week. which means catch up on reading assignments. talked to chris tonight which was good. but at the same time i was slightly worried in the back of my mind that we were playing the catch up game as quickly as possible. i'm hoping that this summer we'll be able to hang out and have random conversations again like we used to. i'm looking forward to school being over but at the same time i've really enjoyed the last couple of weeks here. i'm starting to feel like after this summer i really will be able to move on and not have to go home every break and be able to do my own thing. next summer i have to go on a research internship anyway for community development so that should work out. it's just interesting to continue to feel even more like an adult. i'm also incredibly sick of my music. i went to church this morning with some girls that i don't usually go with and they had all this really awesome music that i'd never heard of and i felt so old. of course, riding to church with them anyway was being in a noxema commercial. does three years really make that much of a difference? apparently.

i've been thinking a lot the past three days about the serious flaws to my future plans but at the same time i can't help but feel alive right now. in all my frustration, in all my hurt, there is a contentment. and an apprehension. i'm waiting for what God is going to do with me. how i will be led. and live. and how wrong i am to feel wronged. it's complicated to explain. mostly i just don't like being refined.