it's like watching a train wreck
i've been having trouble adjusting to being back at school and I'm not exactly sure why. i finally went to the gym tonight after not having gone in a few days and that made me feel a lot better. it's been hard to be nice. i'm usually pretty cheerful but not lately. i'm getting frustrated with myself for not being happier but that only makes it worse. i think maybe it's that i haven't had much quality quiet time in a while. school is challenging but i love it for that. the time zone difference with tom is starting to be a problem though. i want to take time out to talk to him i just don't know how to do it in a way that makes it easier and less time consuming...but that's exactly it-whether i'm here or there i'd still have to make time for him, it's just the late nights are not good. i do love talking to him though. he's been really good about scheduling times when we can talk that work. but i didn't want to write this post about him. i have a lot of things on my mind that i'm not sure how to sort through. i miss talking to erin. sitting on my roof and singing with her. i was listening to dianne reeves tonight sing 'how high the moon' as a ballad and i just missed the way erin laughs and sighs when she's happy. it's like a hum but not. i've also been thinking that i need to call jill and explain because i'm going against everything i've ever said about relationships to not. i've always said that people should at least honor what was once love and be honest and I have done neither of those things in my own selfishness. i shouldn't just let it go without at least explaining why. i was really homesick tonight. my mom told me on the phone tonight that after i left to come back to school that captain didn't sleep upstairs for the rest of the week. he slept downstairs for five nights waiting for me to come home. i miss my smelly little puppy. i also need to call IHC about the phlebotomy program i applied for and find out when they'll announce the roster for the class. i know i'm going to get through all of this i am just frustrated that i'm so...so blech. it's not who i am and i want to be and do more.