Conversational Play - An Example
Because nettika so kindly called my description of this terrorism (yeah, you know it's post-2001! Thbtbtbtbt.), I've decided to redact all the names and URLs from the email I was looking at and write up a step-by-step explanation of what I see.Hi Uncle [Receiver],
Good to hear from you! After I initially emailed you, our family started connecting the dots and I drew out the lineage on how we're related. I should actually call you Uncle if my drawing is correct. I've attached the document. Check it out. Maybe it will help you with your chart.
Wow, so you have an artistic family! Graphic design is cool. I always wished I had more time to create more personal projects. It takes me longer to put together though. I generally just end up taking pictures. Not too much time to do anything special with them though. So I guess you can say I'm a photographer on the side. I shoot events and weddings primarily, but with the new baby, I probably won't be doing that as much anymore. Once I finish up some existing projects, I'll probably just focus on projects of [Writer's Newborn]. You can check out some of my work here: [URL]
I haven't kept it up-to-date too much, but you can get an idea of what I shoot (everything). If you'd like to see [Newborn Again], there are galleries of him in the OTHER section as well. Password is "[Haha, no.]"
Okay, take care UNCLE.
-[Writer]
Alright, here we go.
1) "Hi".
Not "Hello", not "Greetings", not "Wassup". You can probably figure out that one by yourself.
2) "Uncle".
As you'll notice in the first line, the speaker has realized he's actually talking to an uncle. This kind of blind shot in the dark, though, is an implicit gesture of vapid respect. By denoting someone as "a generation previous to mine", you automatically grant them the respect of age. It's a Chinese thing.
3) "[Receiver]".
But despite #2, he's still "familiar" enough to use the actual name of. And by "familiar", I mean, "We have no idea who you are, but you were introduced with a name."
4) "Good to hear from you!".
First line of phatic communication. Immediate compounding of acceptance on top of the acceptance demonstrated by the initial email. "What you said didn't scare me off."
5) "After I initially emailed you, our family started connecting the dots and I drew out the lineage on how we're related.... I've attached the document. Check it out. Maybe it will help you with your chart."
Hey, you're trying to figure out how we're related, and we're trying to figure out how we're related, let's pool resources because we're family and stuff. And by "pool resources", I mean, "be really helpful".
6) "I should actually call you Uncle if my drawing is correct."
With the gesture of vapid respect comes the more modern denigration of it. Hey, you're OLD. But it's okay. You're still cool. There's a lot of tone in this sentence that can easily be missed and I know I'm throwing down weight on top of it, but it's baggage that can be anticipated.
7) "Wow, so you have an artistic family!"
Last email had a mention of a sister and her musical endeavors. And by "mention", I mean one sentence.
8) "Graphic design is cool."
There's this sincerity I can hear in this sentence. If I were to say the exact same thing, I don't think I could muster that sincerity. Sure, it might be whitewashed by a pure textual medium, but that's also why I strive to say nothing but the actual truth. Anyways, this is phatic #3, if you were keeping count. Affirmation-class phatic.
9) "I always wished....."
Lots of stuff about the writer. It's revealing without being confessional. It's your standard, "Well, if you're not going to talk, then I'm going to talk," except it's an email so both parties have to talk. It's like a riff off the original email, except it's not. It's still phatic communication, but this time it's "status update", long form. Where "status update" is synonymous with "introduction". This is a low-level trust signal.
10) "You can check out some of my work here: [URL]"
Higher level trust signal. "I am secure in showing off my work." Less phatic, but more actionable. Thus, it's more outreach than simply phatic. Also a segue.
11) "I haven't kept it up-to-date too much, but you can get an idea of what I shoot (everything)."
And in tandem with the higher level trust signal is the inversion of security: I'm so secure about it that I can joke around about it.
12) "If you'd like to see [Newborn Again], there are galleries of him in the OTHER section as well. Password is "[Haha, no.]""
Again, more opportunities for connection. Baby pictures. Who resists, really?
13) "Okay, take care UNCLE."
Because the joking tone of the earlier riffs off this theme might have been unclear, we roll out the all caps to make sure it's clearly a joke.
Let's count it up:
Affirmatives: 1, 3, 4, 7, 8.
Offers to Connect: 5, 10, 12.
Denigration: 2, 6, 9, 11, 13.
Informational/Trust: 9, 10, 11, 12.
Second thing to notice: Affirmations and Outreach happen early, Denigration and Information/Trust happen late. There's distinct interweaving in between, as fits. In the real world, this is like giving a hug or a handshake first, and then throwing an arm around the other guy, chattering a bunch, and giving him a business card. Bam, bam, bam.
Good to hear from you! After I initially emailed you, our family started connecting the dots and I drew out the lineage on how we're related. I should actually call you Uncle if my drawing is correct. I've attached the document. Check it out. Maybe it will help you with your chart.
Wow, so you have an artistic family! Graphic design is cool. I always wished I had more time to create more personal projects. It takes me longer to put together though. I generally just end up taking pictures. Not too much time to do anything special with them though. So I guess you can say I'm a photographer on the side. I shoot events and weddings primarily, but with the new baby, I probably won't be doing that as much anymore. Once I finish up some existing projects, I'll probably just focus on projects of [Writer's Newborn]. You can check out some of my work here: [URL]
I haven't kept it up-to-date too much, but you can get an idea of what I shoot (everything). If you'd like to see [Newborn Again], there are galleries of him in the OTHER section as well. Password is "[Haha, no.]"
Okay, take care UNCLE.
-[Writer]
Alright, here we go.
1) "Hi".
Not "Hello", not "Greetings", not "Wassup". You can probably figure out that one by yourself.
2) "Uncle".
As you'll notice in the first line, the speaker has realized he's actually talking to an uncle. This kind of blind shot in the dark, though, is an implicit gesture of vapid respect. By denoting someone as "a generation previous to mine", you automatically grant them the respect of age. It's a Chinese thing.
3) "[Receiver]".
But despite #2, he's still "familiar" enough to use the actual name of. And by "familiar", I mean, "We have no idea who you are, but you were introduced with a name."
4) "Good to hear from you!".
First line of phatic communication. Immediate compounding of acceptance on top of the acceptance demonstrated by the initial email. "What you said didn't scare me off."
5) "After I initially emailed you, our family started connecting the dots and I drew out the lineage on how we're related.... I've attached the document. Check it out. Maybe it will help you with your chart."
Hey, you're trying to figure out how we're related, and we're trying to figure out how we're related, let's pool resources because we're family and stuff. And by "pool resources", I mean, "be really helpful".
6) "I should actually call you Uncle if my drawing is correct."
With the gesture of vapid respect comes the more modern denigration of it. Hey, you're OLD. But it's okay. You're still cool. There's a lot of tone in this sentence that can easily be missed and I know I'm throwing down weight on top of it, but it's baggage that can be anticipated.
7) "Wow, so you have an artistic family!"
Last email had a mention of a sister and her musical endeavors. And by "mention", I mean one sentence.
8) "Graphic design is cool."
There's this sincerity I can hear in this sentence. If I were to say the exact same thing, I don't think I could muster that sincerity. Sure, it might be whitewashed by a pure textual medium, but that's also why I strive to say nothing but the actual truth. Anyways, this is phatic #3, if you were keeping count. Affirmation-class phatic.
9) "I always wished....."
Lots of stuff about the writer. It's revealing without being confessional. It's your standard, "Well, if you're not going to talk, then I'm going to talk," except it's an email so both parties have to talk. It's like a riff off the original email, except it's not. It's still phatic communication, but this time it's "status update", long form. Where "status update" is synonymous with "introduction". This is a low-level trust signal.
10) "You can check out some of my work here: [URL]"
Higher level trust signal. "I am secure in showing off my work." Less phatic, but more actionable. Thus, it's more outreach than simply phatic. Also a segue.
11) "I haven't kept it up-to-date too much, but you can get an idea of what I shoot (everything)."
And in tandem with the higher level trust signal is the inversion of security: I'm so secure about it that I can joke around about it.
12) "If you'd like to see [Newborn Again], there are galleries of him in the OTHER section as well. Password is "[Haha, no.]""
Again, more opportunities for connection. Baby pictures. Who resists, really?
13) "Okay, take care UNCLE."
Because the joking tone of the earlier riffs off this theme might have been unclear, we roll out the all caps to make sure it's clearly a joke.
Let's count it up:
Affirmatives: 1, 3, 4, 7, 8.
Offers to Connect: 5, 10, 12.
Denigration: 2, 6, 9, 11, 13.
Informational/Trust: 9, 10, 11, 12.
Second thing to notice: Affirmations and Outreach happen early, Denigration and Information/Trust happen late. There's distinct interweaving in between, as fits. In the real world, this is like giving a hug or a handshake first, and then throwing an arm around the other guy, chattering a bunch, and giving him a business card. Bam, bam, bam.