black lily...
I'm going to try hard and see this teeny little computer screen so that i can type, but today my eyes had a stressful day and i'm seeing in doublevision.
everything is all a blur...argh...father is home...pretty soon they'll all invade and i'll be surrounded by them....breathing my air and inhabiting my coveted space! i really wish for solice...scratch that...i LONG for solice...solice in the bleak winter. the more frozen it becomes, the more frozen i become and the more i wish to shut myself away. i just want brooding low hung clouds and independence...independence from my skin, away from this life. they prod me to finish my mumbled sentences, because they understand they were not to be heard...that is how clausterphobic life has become. bright lights and clausterphobia...or maybe its clausterphobia from bright lights...searching for my soul, waiting to find me cowering in the corner. you see...i get it better than you do...and quicker...i'm always closer to the source than you. how interesting that we must patrol the surface to reach the depths...
i'm stuck in this place for the weekend...a term paper has become my obligation of no-choice. i wish someone would come climb up my drainpipe and pull me through the window. in the warm and pleasant evening we'd drive away laughing, in a fabulous black vintage convertible. and there would be violent stirring music and very little light and lots of bending trees draped with the gossamar-like threads of spanish moss. nothing would have to be felt but independence and freedom...freedom from life, liberty, and that nagging pursuit of happiness. we would pass by countries and centuries and civilizations and it would always be night. foreign languages are far more frightening when it is too dark to see who they belong to. driving forever, connecting with the rythym of the car and settling into the curves....life would be a runny plum. somebody...anybody...take me AWAY!
everything is all a blur...argh...father is home...pretty soon they'll all invade and i'll be surrounded by them....breathing my air and inhabiting my coveted space! i really wish for solice...scratch that...i LONG for solice...solice in the bleak winter. the more frozen it becomes, the more frozen i become and the more i wish to shut myself away. i just want brooding low hung clouds and independence...independence from my skin, away from this life. they prod me to finish my mumbled sentences, because they understand they were not to be heard...that is how clausterphobic life has become. bright lights and clausterphobia...or maybe its clausterphobia from bright lights...searching for my soul, waiting to find me cowering in the corner. you see...i get it better than you do...and quicker...i'm always closer to the source than you. how interesting that we must patrol the surface to reach the depths...
i'm stuck in this place for the weekend...a term paper has become my obligation of no-choice. i wish someone would come climb up my drainpipe and pull me through the window. in the warm and pleasant evening we'd drive away laughing, in a fabulous black vintage convertible. and there would be violent stirring music and very little light and lots of bending trees draped with the gossamar-like threads of spanish moss. nothing would have to be felt but independence and freedom...freedom from life, liberty, and that nagging pursuit of happiness. we would pass by countries and centuries and civilizations and it would always be night. foreign languages are far more frightening when it is too dark to see who they belong to. driving forever, connecting with the rythym of the car and settling into the curves....life would be a runny plum. somebody...anybody...take me AWAY!