college.
it's 3 am. i have a lab report to write up and italian to do, and i have to wake up early and vote.
it's so easy to stay up late talking. probably why i suck at college and don't get my work done. i feel like after this weekend i know who my friends are here, which is really nice. but somehow it just makes the missing worse.
i don't talk to my parents. i haven't really spoken to my dad since i left, and i call my mom when i need forms or some piece of information or something. I don't really know how to respond to "i miss you"s or "i love you"s from my parents and the fact that it's incredibly uncomfortable probably says something bad. but i mean, it's so much better for me. i don't have to miss that aspect, and here, honestly, i'm probably less independent than i was at home.
my roommate just spoke in greek in her sleep.
but for everyone else, for cohasset and boston and juan, the missing is awful. i don't know why. i guess the distance, 1000 miles, almost exactly, just makes it feel so impossibly far away. i could never just hop on a bus and get home. at best, a couple hundred dollars for a one way, 3 hour flight.
i guess it's not too inaccessible. maybe it's because i've never moved before. it's not that i don't love chicago and the people here but it's like, old life, and new life. and i wish i could have both, in a more real way than a few phone calls. the people here are always surprised when i talk about how much i miss it but i guess that's understandable: out of my 3 closest friends here, one is from chicago, one is from kansas and didn't really fit in, and the other went to boarding school halfway across the world in colorado springs.
i don't know. i should work. i don't like feeling like parts of me, essential parts, are spread out somewhere to the east of me. i'm in a different time zone. it's flat here. and dangerous. it is most definitely not new england. it's better in a lot of ways. but different. change is hard. and i don't know what i should hold onto and what i should let go. college.
it's so easy to stay up late talking. probably why i suck at college and don't get my work done. i feel like after this weekend i know who my friends are here, which is really nice. but somehow it just makes the missing worse.
i don't talk to my parents. i haven't really spoken to my dad since i left, and i call my mom when i need forms or some piece of information or something. I don't really know how to respond to "i miss you"s or "i love you"s from my parents and the fact that it's incredibly uncomfortable probably says something bad. but i mean, it's so much better for me. i don't have to miss that aspect, and here, honestly, i'm probably less independent than i was at home.
my roommate just spoke in greek in her sleep.
but for everyone else, for cohasset and boston and juan, the missing is awful. i don't know why. i guess the distance, 1000 miles, almost exactly, just makes it feel so impossibly far away. i could never just hop on a bus and get home. at best, a couple hundred dollars for a one way, 3 hour flight.
i guess it's not too inaccessible. maybe it's because i've never moved before. it's not that i don't love chicago and the people here but it's like, old life, and new life. and i wish i could have both, in a more real way than a few phone calls. the people here are always surprised when i talk about how much i miss it but i guess that's understandable: out of my 3 closest friends here, one is from chicago, one is from kansas and didn't really fit in, and the other went to boarding school halfway across the world in colorado springs.
i don't know. i should work. i don't like feeling like parts of me, essential parts, are spread out somewhere to the east of me. i'm in a different time zone. it's flat here. and dangerous. it is most definitely not new england. it's better in a lot of ways. but different. change is hard. and i don't know what i should hold onto and what i should let go. college.