What He Wants, but Can't Have
Title: What He Wants, but Can't Have
Genre: Angst
Character: Kangin
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Sometimes Kangin wonders what it's like to be loved, but in the end it doesn't matter because he knows he's going to shatter alone.
**100 SJ Fic Challenge**
055. Shatter, Kangin/Kangin
*****
Kangin sits on the park bench, scarf pulled tight around his neck, hands stuffed into the depths of his pockets. It’s snowing, and the delicate white stars of ice float down to land in hair, on shoulders, and on tongues. But Kangin pays no attention to the flakes, because he sees a couple across the street huddling together at the bus stop on the corner. He wonders what it’d be like to be able to depend on someone for warmth and comfort like that. He’s almost jealous because he’ll never know, but that’s his fault for being so unlovable. He can only focus on the couple, watching them hold each other close to stay warm, while he sits here cold and alone, wishing someone might thaw him out with their love.
It’s a foolish wish. No one could ever love him, who would love him? He’s Kim Youngwoon, the broken man with nothing to lose, nothing to give.
The bus comes, the couple stands, and they hurry onto it. Kangin tries not to notice the way they never really let go of each other - he still notices, but it was worth a shot. As the bus speeds away, leaving behind an ugly cloud of exhaust, Kangin tries to get up, but his legs are frozen and locked in place. His gaze is caught on two children throwing snowballs at each other, laughing and giggling even when they miss. Kangin imagines himself with a brother, one to tease and make jokes with. One to hold his hand when he was afraid, because they were afraid too and they’d go through everything together. One to call when he needed help. One to love. One that loves him back.
And then the boy slips, begins to cry. His tears try to freeze on his face, but there’s so many hot droplets streaming down his cheeks that they don’t get the chance. Both mother and brother rush to his side. The mother Kangin lost and will never get back picks the boy up and carries him back home.
Unfair. They’re so loved, so well taken care of. Kangin shakes so hard at the want...no, the need. to be loved, shakes so hard because he knows that no one’s going to fall in love with a man that has cancer, a man that will leave them in a few months anyways. He shivers and quakes in the cold of the night, frozen like he is, he feels like he
Just
Might
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a
t
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e
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Genre: Angst
Character: Kangin
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Sometimes Kangin wonders what it's like to be loved, but in the end it doesn't matter because he knows he's going to shatter alone.
**100 SJ Fic Challenge**
055. Shatter, Kangin/Kangin
*****
Kangin sits on the park bench, scarf pulled tight around his neck, hands stuffed into the depths of his pockets. It’s snowing, and the delicate white stars of ice float down to land in hair, on shoulders, and on tongues. But Kangin pays no attention to the flakes, because he sees a couple across the street huddling together at the bus stop on the corner. He wonders what it’d be like to be able to depend on someone for warmth and comfort like that. He’s almost jealous because he’ll never know, but that’s his fault for being so unlovable. He can only focus on the couple, watching them hold each other close to stay warm, while he sits here cold and alone, wishing someone might thaw him out with their love.
It’s a foolish wish. No one could ever love him, who would love him? He’s Kim Youngwoon, the broken man with nothing to lose, nothing to give.
The bus comes, the couple stands, and they hurry onto it. Kangin tries not to notice the way they never really let go of each other - he still notices, but it was worth a shot. As the bus speeds away, leaving behind an ugly cloud of exhaust, Kangin tries to get up, but his legs are frozen and locked in place. His gaze is caught on two children throwing snowballs at each other, laughing and giggling even when they miss. Kangin imagines himself with a brother, one to tease and make jokes with. One to hold his hand when he was afraid, because they were afraid too and they’d go through everything together. One to call when he needed help. One to love. One that loves him back.
And then the boy slips, begins to cry. His tears try to freeze on his face, but there’s so many hot droplets streaming down his cheeks that they don’t get the chance. Both mother and brother rush to his side. The mother Kangin lost and will never get back picks the boy up and carries him back home.
Unfair. They’re so loved, so well taken care of. Kangin shakes so hard at the want...no, the need. to be loved, shakes so hard because he knows that no one’s going to fall in love with a man that has cancer, a man that will leave them in a few months anyways. He shivers and quakes in the cold of the night, frozen like he is, he feels like he
Just
Might
S
h
a
t
t
e
r
.