I Hope You Need This Now, Cause I Know I Still Do.
I'm not crying, I swear I'm not.
I'm perfectly fine.
No, nothing is wrong.
All smiles here.
...and I'm lying through my teeth.
She knows it. I know it, so why do I insist on pretending that I'm telling the truth all the time? I can't help but feel I'm not good enough for her. That somehow I've deceived her into believing I'm something I'm not. Maybe I'm just deceiving myself. Because I'm pretty sure I used to know me. You know, a long time ago, when I invested nothing in relationships, and expected nothing in return. I knew that I wasn't designed for these things. I'm not stable, and I'm not happy, and I hate me. But at least I know me...She only thinks she knows me, and I can't bear to correct her. And still, I couldn't bolt even if I wanted to, not like before. Before I could just turn tail and run at the first signs of falling in love, or even in like. Lust is something I know, something I understand, something that has only rarely steered me wrong, and never into catastrophe. Love Changes Everything. Loving me ruins peoples lives, -ends- peoples lives. I don't want her to go anywhere. That's why I've been steering her wrong all along. That's why I don't have the heart to open her eyes. I wanted to be the perfect girlfriend. I wanted to be smart, and charming, and good in bed. I wanted her to have everything. She deserves everything. But what have I given her? I'm still terrified of anything sexual, I'm still an unmotivated failure, and my attempts at sparkling wit more often fall flat and end in someone being offended, or turning away from her.
I am a terrible girlfriend.
The right thing to do would be to make her understand why I'm wrong for her, to bite the bullet and help her find someone who deserves to bask in her glow. But instead I just make her cry.
But I'm in -Love- and -Love- makes about as much sense as a Chuck Norris movie.
I can't let her go. Because if she goes, I'm nothing.
I'm sorry I'm caging you in.
But I need you.
I hope you'll understand..
.I only do it because I love you.
I'm perfectly fine.
No, nothing is wrong.
All smiles here.
...and I'm lying through my teeth.
She knows it. I know it, so why do I insist on pretending that I'm telling the truth all the time? I can't help but feel I'm not good enough for her. That somehow I've deceived her into believing I'm something I'm not. Maybe I'm just deceiving myself. Because I'm pretty sure I used to know me. You know, a long time ago, when I invested nothing in relationships, and expected nothing in return. I knew that I wasn't designed for these things. I'm not stable, and I'm not happy, and I hate me. But at least I know me...She only thinks she knows me, and I can't bear to correct her. And still, I couldn't bolt even if I wanted to, not like before. Before I could just turn tail and run at the first signs of falling in love, or even in like. Lust is something I know, something I understand, something that has only rarely steered me wrong, and never into catastrophe. Love Changes Everything. Loving me ruins peoples lives, -ends- peoples lives. I don't want her to go anywhere. That's why I've been steering her wrong all along. That's why I don't have the heart to open her eyes. I wanted to be the perfect girlfriend. I wanted to be smart, and charming, and good in bed. I wanted her to have everything. She deserves everything. But what have I given her? I'm still terrified of anything sexual, I'm still an unmotivated failure, and my attempts at sparkling wit more often fall flat and end in someone being offended, or turning away from her.
I am a terrible girlfriend.
The right thing to do would be to make her understand why I'm wrong for her, to bite the bullet and help her find someone who deserves to bask in her glow. But instead I just make her cry.
But I'm in -Love- and -Love- makes about as much sense as a Chuck Norris movie.
I can't let her go. Because if she goes, I'm nothing.
I'm sorry I'm caging you in.
But I need you.
I hope you'll understand..
.I only do it because I love you.