WC Fic: LOLCat Henri vs. Doge
Title: LOLCat Henri vs. Doge
Rating: G
Characters/Pairings: Henri, Neal, Doge
Spoilers: None
Word Count: 1,700
Summary: Henri makes a new friend.
A/N: Yes. I went there.
Based on a dare from elrhiarhodan and also for the occasion of kanarek13’s birthday.
----
“Hey, Diana, how’s it going?” Neal stepped back from the door as he let his friend and co-worker into his apartment. “Who have we here?” he said with surprise, looking down at the white and orange ball of fluff at the end of the leash she held.
Diana rolled her eyes. “My mom’s dog Peaches. I’m sorry I didn’t call first to ask permission, but my mom just showed up at my apartment with her and -“
“It’s no problem,” Neal interrupted her with a smile. “We’re a pet friendly household here.” He gestured out on the terrace where Peter and El already sat, Satchmo at their feet. Henri sat perched on a chaise nearby, pausing in his grooming ritual mid-lick to regard the newcomers with a jaundiced eye. A toy mouse with a feathered tail shot by, announcing Simone’s presence.
Diana looked relieved. “Good, cuz I was really looking forward to brunch today.” Neal took her jacket as she went to join the others.
“She’s darling,” Elizabeth said to Diana as Peaches and Satchmo smelled each other’s butts. “What breed is she?”
“A shiba inu,” Diana replied. “They’re a Japanese breed.” She sat and pulled the dog closer to her, told her to sit. “She’s really a sweet thing, doesn’t give me too much trouble.”
“Bery fluffeh,” Simone observed from her position beneath Peter’s chair, shyly peeking out at Peaches.
“Oh yes, very,” Diana replied with a huge smile for the young cat. “And she is friendly to kitties, so don’t you worry, little one.” Simone dared to poke her head out but then retreated until she was out of sight.
“Well, now that we’re all here, we can bust out the bubbly. Who wants a mimosa?” Neal called out to them from the kitchen, retrieving a bottle of champagne from the fridge. Everyone raised a hand and he grabbed four glasses from the counter. As he was removing the wire cage from the bottle’s cork, Peter’s phone rang.
“Uh-oh, it’s Jones,” Peter observed, pulling it from a pocket. “Yeah, Jones?” he answered. “Really… yes…. No, I want to be there, and I’m sure Di does too - I’m with her now. Uh-huh…. Yes… All right, see you downtown in fifteen.” He hung up and looked at everyone with a regretful expression. “We might have to take this brunch to go,” he said regretfully. “Jones said we got a hot lead on the Pederson case - looks like the old man’s finally back in the country.”
Both Neal and Diana looked at him eagerly - it felt like they’d been working this case forever, and any progress was good news. “A solid lead, Boss?” she asked hopefully.
“Sounds like it.” He rose and looked at Elizabeth. “We should get to the office as soon as possible, Hon. Sorry to leave you in the lurch.”
She shrugged. “It’s all part of the deal,” she said, getting up to find Simone’s cat carrier. “I’ll see you at home then?”
He handed her his keys. “Sure, we’ll all drive down in Diana’s car.”
Minutes later, they were all ready to go when Diana stopped short. “Damn it, I forgot about Peaches - we’ll never make it in time if we have to go to my place.”
“You can leave her here,” Neal said. “Henri’ll look out for her, won’t you, buddy?” Neal called to Henri, who sat staring out at the city below from a perch atop one of the gargoyles’ heads.
“I responsibuhl kitteh,” he replied.
“See?”
Diana looked dubious, but glancing at Peter, who seemed anxious to leave, she nodded at last. “OK.” She leaned over and disconnected Peaches’ leash, then had her sit. “Be good for your big sis, huh?”
Peaches gazed up at her adoringly. “Much good. Very doge,” she agreed.
“OK, let’s go,” Diana said to her gawping co-workers.
----
“What R U doingk?” Henri asked, sitting himself down abruptly on the floor and wrapping his tail around his feet.
“Such kitty. Many smells. Wow.”
“Iz no kitteh to smellz de backsidez. Iz rude.”
“Very house. Such amaze.”
“U would liek a tour? Come wiz me.”
Henri trotted across Neal's apartment toward the long hallway adjacent to the kitchen. “Hear is de baffroom if U needz to maek,” he said, indicating the litter box. “De leeter iz 4 multiple kittehs, so U iz welcome.”
“Such convenient. Many carpet?”
“Only in emergencehs.”
They continued on to Neal’s walk-in closet. “Hear iz where de best climbingks happen,” Henri informed Peaches, hopping up onto the shelf beneath where all of Neal's jackets hung. He scrambled up the back of a tweed blazer until he reached the rod all the clothes hung on, then draped himself across it. “Dis iz good 4 observing de hallway.”
“Very shoes. Such diversion.”
“Dey R good for storing de Temtashons,” Henri agreed. “Tho no for de hairballs, dis maek 4 de yellings.”
Peaches leaned over and picked up one of Neal's suede bucks with her mouth. “Wow.”
“I had not considered dem 4 toy,” Henri observed.
“Very feeling. Good mouth,” Peaches replied around the shoe, weighing it in her mouth before finally setting it down, saliva glistening on the outside. She then proceeded to further explore the closet, sniffing with interest around everything, knocking over Neal's shoeshine kit in her progress. She nosed open a few drawers and snuffled around Neal's t-shirts and underwear. “Much clothes. Very variety.”
“Yes, de peoples have many clothes. Iz compensashons 4 feelingks of inadequacy and perceived lack of de status.”
“Such fur. Make better.”
“I agree. If dey had de furz dey would no have 2 express feelingks of secondary inferioriteh wiz ultimately meaningkless and unsatisfactoreh consumerismz.”
Peaches nodded in agreement, then left the closet, intent on exploring Neal's apartment further.
“Such panorama. Very view. So excite,” Peaches said to Henri once he’d caught up to her. She stood with her front paws on the balustrade, looking out over the city, tail wagging excitedly.
“Iz nice view,” Henri agreed, hopping up to walk along the edge toward her. He looked down into her brown eyes. “But dere is smoky sallmone.”
“Wow.”
Henri hopped down and went over to the table, jumping up in one fluid movement. He pushed aside the napkin covering up the basket of bagels Neal and the others had abandoned in their hurry to leave and, hooking his paw around one, flipped it up and onto the floor.
“So poppyseed. Much gratification,” Peaches said as she settled down with the bagel between her paws, gnawing at it with gusto.
Henri pawed at the plastic wrap that covered the small plate of thinly-sliced lox. “Frustratingk,” he muttered, his claws not able to really shred the stuff adequately and getting stuck to his paw pads. “Gah.”
“Doge,” Peaches told him, rising. “Much assistance.”
“Tank U.”
Henri swiped the plastic dish to the side until it fell to the ground at Peaches’ feet. She tore at the wrap with her teeth until half the dish was exposed. She nosed it over in Henri’s direction and opened her mouth in a happy grin. “Very cat. Enjoy.”
Henri jumped to the ground and settled down to a slice or two of lox, Peaches lying down beside him to enjoy her bagel.
“Om nom nom.”
“Very teamwork.”
----
“U liek 2 play nao?” Henri asked Peaches as he finished cleaning his face after their impromptu brunch.
“Such active.”
Henri pranced up to her, paw held high and batting at her lightly.
“Wow.”
With that as his cue, he streaked away and back into the apartment. Peaches gave a happy bark and chased after, her paws slipping when they made contact with the hardwoods inside, but though she stumbled, she soon caught up with the cat. Henri jumped up onto the kitchen counter, running across the sink towards the fridge to hop on top of it. On his way, he knocked over a quart of orange juice, which fell to the floor, its ill-secured cap flying off and juice glugging all over the place.
“Oopsies and daisies,” Henri said, surveying the damage.
“Such orange. Very mess,” Peaches observed, panting. But then she got down on her chest, her tail wagging in the air. “Much chase?”
Henri nodded in silent agreement, jumping off the fridge and heading across the apartment towards the couch, Peaches close behind. They chased each other around the place, across the couch, over and under the table and the bed (only one chair got knocked over), and back, until Peaches’ shoulder brushed against Neal's easel that had a half-finished portrait of June on it. The easel teetered, but did not fall, though some brushes did clatter to the floor.
“Oh noes, we can’t knock over de paintingks,” Henri told her gravely.
“Very regret.”
“We wrestle instead.”
Henri and Peaches then commenced rolling around on the floor, squirming and mouthing and pawing at each other for the next fifteen minutes. When they finally stopped, exhausted and with Peaches panting, they made their way to Neal's couch, jumped up and settled in for a well-earned afternoon nap.
“Such LOLCat. Much friend,” Peaches murmured into Henri’s fur as he curled up beside her, his head resting on his tail. Henri just purred until they fell asleep.
----
Henri was roused by the sound of the front door opening.
“Well, that was a colossal waste of a Sunday afternoon,” Neal was saying.
“You still have champagne?” Diana asked.
“I’ve got better - I’ve got vodka,” Neal replied, then stopped dead in his tracks, surveying the disaster area his apartment had become: the spilled juice, the knocked-over furniture, the terrace door that hung ajar.
“Henri!” Neal exclaimed.
“Peaches!” Diana said, joining the chorus. “What did you do?”
Peaches hopped off the couch with a sheepish expression, followed by Henri. They both trotted up to the two humans.
“Well, I hope at least you had fun!” Neal added, exasperated, hands on his hips and glaring down at the two of them. “What have you got to say for yourselves?”
“Very doge. Such diversions,” Henri replied.
“Wow,” both he and Peaches added, in unison.
----
Thank you for your time.
You can also find me on Tumblr @rabidchild67, I hope you'll consider following me there.
Rating: G
Characters/Pairings: Henri, Neal, Doge
Spoilers: None
Word Count: 1,700
Summary: Henri makes a new friend.
A/N: Yes. I went there.
Based on a dare from elrhiarhodan and also for the occasion of kanarek13’s birthday.
----
“Hey, Diana, how’s it going?” Neal stepped back from the door as he let his friend and co-worker into his apartment. “Who have we here?” he said with surprise, looking down at the white and orange ball of fluff at the end of the leash she held.
Diana rolled her eyes. “My mom’s dog Peaches. I’m sorry I didn’t call first to ask permission, but my mom just showed up at my apartment with her and -“
“It’s no problem,” Neal interrupted her with a smile. “We’re a pet friendly household here.” He gestured out on the terrace where Peter and El already sat, Satchmo at their feet. Henri sat perched on a chaise nearby, pausing in his grooming ritual mid-lick to regard the newcomers with a jaundiced eye. A toy mouse with a feathered tail shot by, announcing Simone’s presence.
Diana looked relieved. “Good, cuz I was really looking forward to brunch today.” Neal took her jacket as she went to join the others.
“She’s darling,” Elizabeth said to Diana as Peaches and Satchmo smelled each other’s butts. “What breed is she?”
“A shiba inu,” Diana replied. “They’re a Japanese breed.” She sat and pulled the dog closer to her, told her to sit. “She’s really a sweet thing, doesn’t give me too much trouble.”
“Bery fluffeh,” Simone observed from her position beneath Peter’s chair, shyly peeking out at Peaches.
“Oh yes, very,” Diana replied with a huge smile for the young cat. “And she is friendly to kitties, so don’t you worry, little one.” Simone dared to poke her head out but then retreated until she was out of sight.
“Well, now that we’re all here, we can bust out the bubbly. Who wants a mimosa?” Neal called out to them from the kitchen, retrieving a bottle of champagne from the fridge. Everyone raised a hand and he grabbed four glasses from the counter. As he was removing the wire cage from the bottle’s cork, Peter’s phone rang.
“Uh-oh, it’s Jones,” Peter observed, pulling it from a pocket. “Yeah, Jones?” he answered. “Really… yes…. No, I want to be there, and I’m sure Di does too - I’m with her now. Uh-huh…. Yes… All right, see you downtown in fifteen.” He hung up and looked at everyone with a regretful expression. “We might have to take this brunch to go,” he said regretfully. “Jones said we got a hot lead on the Pederson case - looks like the old man’s finally back in the country.”
Both Neal and Diana looked at him eagerly - it felt like they’d been working this case forever, and any progress was good news. “A solid lead, Boss?” she asked hopefully.
“Sounds like it.” He rose and looked at Elizabeth. “We should get to the office as soon as possible, Hon. Sorry to leave you in the lurch.”
She shrugged. “It’s all part of the deal,” she said, getting up to find Simone’s cat carrier. “I’ll see you at home then?”
He handed her his keys. “Sure, we’ll all drive down in Diana’s car.”
Minutes later, they were all ready to go when Diana stopped short. “Damn it, I forgot about Peaches - we’ll never make it in time if we have to go to my place.”
“You can leave her here,” Neal said. “Henri’ll look out for her, won’t you, buddy?” Neal called to Henri, who sat staring out at the city below from a perch atop one of the gargoyles’ heads.
“I responsibuhl kitteh,” he replied.
“See?”
Diana looked dubious, but glancing at Peter, who seemed anxious to leave, she nodded at last. “OK.” She leaned over and disconnected Peaches’ leash, then had her sit. “Be good for your big sis, huh?”
Peaches gazed up at her adoringly. “Much good. Very doge,” she agreed.
“OK, let’s go,” Diana said to her gawping co-workers.
----
“What R U doingk?” Henri asked, sitting himself down abruptly on the floor and wrapping his tail around his feet.
“Such kitty. Many smells. Wow.”
“Iz no kitteh to smellz de backsidez. Iz rude.”
“Very house. Such amaze.”
“U would liek a tour? Come wiz me.”
Henri trotted across Neal's apartment toward the long hallway adjacent to the kitchen. “Hear is de baffroom if U needz to maek,” he said, indicating the litter box. “De leeter iz 4 multiple kittehs, so U iz welcome.”
“Such convenient. Many carpet?”
“Only in emergencehs.”
They continued on to Neal’s walk-in closet. “Hear iz where de best climbingks happen,” Henri informed Peaches, hopping up onto the shelf beneath where all of Neal's jackets hung. He scrambled up the back of a tweed blazer until he reached the rod all the clothes hung on, then draped himself across it. “Dis iz good 4 observing de hallway.”
“Very shoes. Such diversion.”
“Dey R good for storing de Temtashons,” Henri agreed. “Tho no for de hairballs, dis maek 4 de yellings.”
Peaches leaned over and picked up one of Neal's suede bucks with her mouth. “Wow.”
“I had not considered dem 4 toy,” Henri observed.
“Very feeling. Good mouth,” Peaches replied around the shoe, weighing it in her mouth before finally setting it down, saliva glistening on the outside. She then proceeded to further explore the closet, sniffing with interest around everything, knocking over Neal's shoeshine kit in her progress. She nosed open a few drawers and snuffled around Neal's t-shirts and underwear. “Much clothes. Very variety.”
“Yes, de peoples have many clothes. Iz compensashons 4 feelingks of inadequacy and perceived lack of de status.”
“Such fur. Make better.”
“I agree. If dey had de furz dey would no have 2 express feelingks of secondary inferioriteh wiz ultimately meaningkless and unsatisfactoreh consumerismz.”
Peaches nodded in agreement, then left the closet, intent on exploring Neal's apartment further.
“Such panorama. Very view. So excite,” Peaches said to Henri once he’d caught up to her. She stood with her front paws on the balustrade, looking out over the city, tail wagging excitedly.
“Iz nice view,” Henri agreed, hopping up to walk along the edge toward her. He looked down into her brown eyes. “But dere is smoky sallmone.”
“Wow.”
Henri hopped down and went over to the table, jumping up in one fluid movement. He pushed aside the napkin covering up the basket of bagels Neal and the others had abandoned in their hurry to leave and, hooking his paw around one, flipped it up and onto the floor.
“So poppyseed. Much gratification,” Peaches said as she settled down with the bagel between her paws, gnawing at it with gusto.
Henri pawed at the plastic wrap that covered the small plate of thinly-sliced lox. “Frustratingk,” he muttered, his claws not able to really shred the stuff adequately and getting stuck to his paw pads. “Gah.”
“Doge,” Peaches told him, rising. “Much assistance.”
“Tank U.”
Henri swiped the plastic dish to the side until it fell to the ground at Peaches’ feet. She tore at the wrap with her teeth until half the dish was exposed. She nosed it over in Henri’s direction and opened her mouth in a happy grin. “Very cat. Enjoy.”
Henri jumped to the ground and settled down to a slice or two of lox, Peaches lying down beside him to enjoy her bagel.
“Om nom nom.”
“Very teamwork.”
----
“U liek 2 play nao?” Henri asked Peaches as he finished cleaning his face after their impromptu brunch.
“Such active.”
Henri pranced up to her, paw held high and batting at her lightly.
“Wow.”
With that as his cue, he streaked away and back into the apartment. Peaches gave a happy bark and chased after, her paws slipping when they made contact with the hardwoods inside, but though she stumbled, she soon caught up with the cat. Henri jumped up onto the kitchen counter, running across the sink towards the fridge to hop on top of it. On his way, he knocked over a quart of orange juice, which fell to the floor, its ill-secured cap flying off and juice glugging all over the place.
“Oopsies and daisies,” Henri said, surveying the damage.
“Such orange. Very mess,” Peaches observed, panting. But then she got down on her chest, her tail wagging in the air. “Much chase?”
Henri nodded in silent agreement, jumping off the fridge and heading across the apartment towards the couch, Peaches close behind. They chased each other around the place, across the couch, over and under the table and the bed (only one chair got knocked over), and back, until Peaches’ shoulder brushed against Neal's easel that had a half-finished portrait of June on it. The easel teetered, but did not fall, though some brushes did clatter to the floor.
“Oh noes, we can’t knock over de paintingks,” Henri told her gravely.
“Very regret.”
“We wrestle instead.”
Henri and Peaches then commenced rolling around on the floor, squirming and mouthing and pawing at each other for the next fifteen minutes. When they finally stopped, exhausted and with Peaches panting, they made their way to Neal's couch, jumped up and settled in for a well-earned afternoon nap.
“Such LOLCat. Much friend,” Peaches murmured into Henri’s fur as he curled up beside her, his head resting on his tail. Henri just purred until they fell asleep.
----
Henri was roused by the sound of the front door opening.
“Well, that was a colossal waste of a Sunday afternoon,” Neal was saying.
“You still have champagne?” Diana asked.
“I’ve got better - I’ve got vodka,” Neal replied, then stopped dead in his tracks, surveying the disaster area his apartment had become: the spilled juice, the knocked-over furniture, the terrace door that hung ajar.
“Henri!” Neal exclaimed.
“Peaches!” Diana said, joining the chorus. “What did you do?”
Peaches hopped off the couch with a sheepish expression, followed by Henri. They both trotted up to the two humans.
“Well, I hope at least you had fun!” Neal added, exasperated, hands on his hips and glaring down at the two of them. “What have you got to say for yourselves?”
“Very doge. Such diversions,” Henri replied.
“Wow,” both he and Peaches added, in unison.
----
Thank you for your time.
You can also find me on Tumblr @rabidchild67, I hope you'll consider following me there.