The minutes inbetween
Whew - I have sometime while The Xand Man sleeps to make a post! Lets see lots has happened lately.
Most importantly Jamers got a job! We are so excited that after, um, five and a half months he is once again employed. The poopy thing is it is part time to start (hopefully he will move to full time in a couple of months) AND he had to take about a 36% pay cut(in hourly rate, not counting the fact that he will be working half as many hours). Thusly, if he stays part time we won't be able to afford to live, especially with the cost of childcare even at part time. So while we are trying to look at the positive of him having a job, we are now forced to look at the fact that either he or I will need to secure a second job in order to pay the bills.
*Fifteen minutes after starting the post, he woke up and wanted feedings.
As a result, Jamers is going to call our primary mortgage company on Monday and see about us getting the loan modification as per the stimulus package. He did all the research and he is sure we qualify and could easily lower our payment. I'm skeptical as I don't think anything in my life has ever come without a serious price, but we'll see. He has to wait until Monday as my mom burned through ALL our 550 cell minutes in the first week and a half she was here. Right now we are like 18 or so minutes over that and so we are waiting until our new month before making any calls on our phones.
*Two hours later I got one more paragraph written. I'm starting to lose it as he wants to be fed like every hour. After I feed him, change him, swaddle him, and burp him it is just about time for him to start crying for food again.
I am a horrible mother. Not only do I not have any maternal instincts, but I can't seem to do anything right for him, not even breastfeeding. If I was doing it right he wouldn't need feedings every hour. I don't even have time to pump anymore between feedings. At least we got about a five hour stretch in last night before he woke up and needed to be fed again. We got to sleep about 1ish, after starting for bed around 10:30 - that is how long the cycle takes for us to close up the house, get him and ourselves ready and then get him calmed down enough (ie: fed over and over until he finally conks out)before we can sleep. He awoke around 6:30ish for his morning feeding. Poor Jamers only got another hour or so after that of sleep (because Xander wouldn't go back to sleep right away) before he had to get up and start getting ready for work. At least I got to stay in bed and sleep with Xander for another hour and a half.
So now, 3 hours of continuous feeding every hour, he is still wailing his head off and I'm crying. I don't know what else to do for him, I've got music on, just changed him, swaddled him, the only thing left is feeding him again, which I'm so tired of doing. It is incredibly tedious - breastfeeding.
I had so much more I wanted to post - but my non-stop headache from the last couple of days coupled with baby crying is making me leave the computer now. I have no idea how anybody does this - motherhood thing. I'm already sick of it and it has only been 3 weeks. I'm not trying to be a snot about it - but that is how I feel. I'm not cut out for being a mother and with Jamers out of the house now, there is nobody to help me and take him away for an hour or so where I can begin to feel like a normal Kelly again.
Toodles all - not sure when or if I'll be able to post again.
Most importantly Jamers got a job! We are so excited that after, um, five and a half months he is once again employed. The poopy thing is it is part time to start (hopefully he will move to full time in a couple of months) AND he had to take about a 36% pay cut(in hourly rate, not counting the fact that he will be working half as many hours). Thusly, if he stays part time we won't be able to afford to live, especially with the cost of childcare even at part time. So while we are trying to look at the positive of him having a job, we are now forced to look at the fact that either he or I will need to secure a second job in order to pay the bills.
*Fifteen minutes after starting the post, he woke up and wanted feedings.
As a result, Jamers is going to call our primary mortgage company on Monday and see about us getting the loan modification as per the stimulus package. He did all the research and he is sure we qualify and could easily lower our payment. I'm skeptical as I don't think anything in my life has ever come without a serious price, but we'll see. He has to wait until Monday as my mom burned through ALL our 550 cell minutes in the first week and a half she was here. Right now we are like 18 or so minutes over that and so we are waiting until our new month before making any calls on our phones.
*Two hours later I got one more paragraph written. I'm starting to lose it as he wants to be fed like every hour. After I feed him, change him, swaddle him, and burp him it is just about time for him to start crying for food again.
I am a horrible mother. Not only do I not have any maternal instincts, but I can't seem to do anything right for him, not even breastfeeding. If I was doing it right he wouldn't need feedings every hour. I don't even have time to pump anymore between feedings. At least we got about a five hour stretch in last night before he woke up and needed to be fed again. We got to sleep about 1ish, after starting for bed around 10:30 - that is how long the cycle takes for us to close up the house, get him and ourselves ready and then get him calmed down enough (ie: fed over and over until he finally conks out)before we can sleep. He awoke around 6:30ish for his morning feeding. Poor Jamers only got another hour or so after that of sleep (because Xander wouldn't go back to sleep right away) before he had to get up and start getting ready for work. At least I got to stay in bed and sleep with Xander for another hour and a half.
So now, 3 hours of continuous feeding every hour, he is still wailing his head off and I'm crying. I don't know what else to do for him, I've got music on, just changed him, swaddled him, the only thing left is feeding him again, which I'm so tired of doing. It is incredibly tedious - breastfeeding.
I had so much more I wanted to post - but my non-stop headache from the last couple of days coupled with baby crying is making me leave the computer now. I have no idea how anybody does this - motherhood thing. I'm already sick of it and it has only been 3 weeks. I'm not trying to be a snot about it - but that is how I feel. I'm not cut out for being a mother and with Jamers out of the house now, there is nobody to help me and take him away for an hour or so where I can begin to feel like a normal Kelly again.
Toodles all - not sure when or if I'll be able to post again.