breathe in breathe out
I'm about ready to explode with anger and frustrations. Involving empty promises, idiots, and of course, Jamers work. So he worked like 13 or 14 hours yesterday, getting home at 3:30 this morning. He had obligations that he needed to do so he got up and started them, thinking he had plenty of time to get into work at 2pm. Did I mention they keep changing his hours, and asking him to come in, well at times like 2pm? When he got hired his hours were 12:30pm-9pm. He always works late, and those hours have been getting even later in the last couple of weeks.
So he gets a call while he is out of the house, they need him to come in for work at 12:30 instead of 2pm so he jumps and goes into work.
Why am I so frustrated you ask? Because he seems to have a problem reminding his work that he has a life outside of work and won't be able to come in an hour and a half early today. This isn't the first time, and I'm sure that until he starts setting boundries with them, they'll keep doing it. Unfortunately the cost is our marriage. I've been trying so fricken hard to just keep saying it wont' be like this forever, but as they keep demanding more and more from him, and he gives them more and more, I'm getting less and less.
I just can't take it anymore. I miss him and I can't do this whole life thing without him, which is what is happening now. We just had a psuedo fight over the phone, well, fight would be wrong as Jamers 99% of the time just listens to me and cowers and tries to placate me and make promises that will never happen. I told him he has to start setting boundries and telling his work that he puts in 100% plus effort in staying as long and as late as he does, and he needs to have his off hours for his other obligations, such as, house, wife, friends, etc. He is worried that they will fire him. Honestly, we can't really afford for him to lose his job, however, if his work would fire a top notch dedicated employee because he has a life, than really not an employer worth working for, is it?
But it isn't just his work. When he has the time to do the things that need doing, usually he finds excuses, er, reasons why he can't get them done. Things come up, like oh, we get internet back and looking up gaming manuals, listening to music, reading web comics, these sorts of things are more important than cleaning our old apartment (most of which I've already done, but that is another arguement from another day), mowing our lawn, or even, as I had suggested to him earlier in the morning, sleeping so that he doesn't get hyper emo like he did when he worked and Stinkos, er, I mean Kinkos.
I guess I'm just overly frustrated and angry. I don't want to do these things, but I spent hours on Sunday, Monday, and Wednesday at the old apartment cleaning. I spent hours this week in the yard pulling weeds, I ran wash and folded and put away clothes. I'm not asking him for kudos or sympathy, I'm just asking that he puts the "us" ahead of the work or the fun. It also doesn't help that this exact reason was a huge chunk of the downfall of my parent's marriage. Dad is such a helper to everyone and always put in the hours at work kind of guy, he always has been. He would help a friend anytime, all they had to do was ask. He is the still that way, but now that he is getting older, he is learning that sometimes he needs to say no. My mom got sick of my dad always being there for everybody else, but never for her.
I'm now finding myself in a similar set of circumstances and I'm freaking the fuck out. I don't know how to deal anymore. Add to that my issues with my work and I'm having a meltdown, again. I don't want to end up like my parents, resentful of each other. I don't want to end up separated. I just want our lifes to get back to being our life, why is that so impossible?
This afternoon, I was going to go over to the fricken apartment and do more cleaning, but really I'm at a standstill until after he cleans the fridge and the oven. I can't do the floors in the kitchen and dining room until those are done and that is all I have left to do. To be fair, he did clean the outside of the windows, hung the pantry door, and self cleaned the oven partially today, but on Sunday when I said, let's just hire somebody to clean it and be done, he said, no that he would go in and clean in the mornings before work. And of course things have come up every day since then. I knew this would happen so I cleaned the three bedrooms, the two bathrooms, all the closets, the fireplace and windows in the dining room and living room. But I'll be damned if I'm going to clean the rest of it especially since I wanted to just hire somebody. Ideally, I had wanted to have walk-through tomorrow, but I guess that isn't going to happen now either.
I had all these wonderful plans for our three days together of things we could do, but now I think the weekend will be spent with Jamers catching up on sleep and cleaning the apartment. Our friends have other things going on so we won't even be BBQing for the Memorial day holiday.
Oh well, this seems to be the way things are going now. I'll just sit here and cry. I hope you all have a great weekend.
So he gets a call while he is out of the house, they need him to come in for work at 12:30 instead of 2pm so he jumps and goes into work.
Why am I so frustrated you ask? Because he seems to have a problem reminding his work that he has a life outside of work and won't be able to come in an hour and a half early today. This isn't the first time, and I'm sure that until he starts setting boundries with them, they'll keep doing it. Unfortunately the cost is our marriage. I've been trying so fricken hard to just keep saying it wont' be like this forever, but as they keep demanding more and more from him, and he gives them more and more, I'm getting less and less.
I just can't take it anymore. I miss him and I can't do this whole life thing without him, which is what is happening now. We just had a psuedo fight over the phone, well, fight would be wrong as Jamers 99% of the time just listens to me and cowers and tries to placate me and make promises that will never happen. I told him he has to start setting boundries and telling his work that he puts in 100% plus effort in staying as long and as late as he does, and he needs to have his off hours for his other obligations, such as, house, wife, friends, etc. He is worried that they will fire him. Honestly, we can't really afford for him to lose his job, however, if his work would fire a top notch dedicated employee because he has a life, than really not an employer worth working for, is it?
But it isn't just his work. When he has the time to do the things that need doing, usually he finds excuses, er, reasons why he can't get them done. Things come up, like oh, we get internet back and looking up gaming manuals, listening to music, reading web comics, these sorts of things are more important than cleaning our old apartment (most of which I've already done, but that is another arguement from another day), mowing our lawn, or even, as I had suggested to him earlier in the morning, sleeping so that he doesn't get hyper emo like he did when he worked and Stinkos, er, I mean Kinkos.
I guess I'm just overly frustrated and angry. I don't want to do these things, but I spent hours on Sunday, Monday, and Wednesday at the old apartment cleaning. I spent hours this week in the yard pulling weeds, I ran wash and folded and put away clothes. I'm not asking him for kudos or sympathy, I'm just asking that he puts the "us" ahead of the work or the fun. It also doesn't help that this exact reason was a huge chunk of the downfall of my parent's marriage. Dad is such a helper to everyone and always put in the hours at work kind of guy, he always has been. He would help a friend anytime, all they had to do was ask. He is the still that way, but now that he is getting older, he is learning that sometimes he needs to say no. My mom got sick of my dad always being there for everybody else, but never for her.
I'm now finding myself in a similar set of circumstances and I'm freaking the fuck out. I don't know how to deal anymore. Add to that my issues with my work and I'm having a meltdown, again. I don't want to end up like my parents, resentful of each other. I don't want to end up separated. I just want our lifes to get back to being our life, why is that so impossible?
This afternoon, I was going to go over to the fricken apartment and do more cleaning, but really I'm at a standstill until after he cleans the fridge and the oven. I can't do the floors in the kitchen and dining room until those are done and that is all I have left to do. To be fair, he did clean the outside of the windows, hung the pantry door, and self cleaned the oven partially today, but on Sunday when I said, let's just hire somebody to clean it and be done, he said, no that he would go in and clean in the mornings before work. And of course things have come up every day since then. I knew this would happen so I cleaned the three bedrooms, the two bathrooms, all the closets, the fireplace and windows in the dining room and living room. But I'll be damned if I'm going to clean the rest of it especially since I wanted to just hire somebody. Ideally, I had wanted to have walk-through tomorrow, but I guess that isn't going to happen now either.
I had all these wonderful plans for our three days together of things we could do, but now I think the weekend will be spent with Jamers catching up on sleep and cleaning the apartment. Our friends have other things going on so we won't even be BBQing for the Memorial day holiday.
Oh well, this seems to be the way things are going now. I'll just sit here and cry. I hope you all have a great weekend.