(no subject)
Today started off great, than by 3 or so in the afternoon, everything went down hill. Now I'm back to feeling like pooplins and I've lost all interest in anything related to Portland, looking for a job, or moving. I can't believe how quickly I can go from feeling real great about myself to feeling like shit. Guess I just have to live with that.
I'm so the pooplins that I plan on going to bed and maybe reading soon as I'm done with this. I wanted to crawl into bed ealier but distracted myself with internet crosswords for awhile. I had to stop playing though. I always hate it when I start to feel stupid, and I began to get that feeling. I gave up and let James finish it.
Work today was great. I got a whole gaggle of things done. I so wish I could just take my job to Portland. I told Christine today that they need to open a Slatter up in Portland. She thought it was a great idea, hahaha. My mind is jumping all over the land of self defeating. I'm beginning to question my worth again and my abilities as an Accountant. These feelings are not good for me or the people around me. Poor James just wants me to be happy, but he can't quite seem to grasp that I'm not wired that way. Hopefully, by our ten year anniversary or so he'll have accepted the fact that as a happy person I just suck. Feeling hurt and angry and sad and useless are feelings that just come much more easily to me. Being happy is something that comes in little fleeting moments. Don't get me wrong, I love being happy, I just can't seem to hold onto it for long.
Anyhoo, the snoring baby lovelins on my lap tells me that I should off to bed now. I'm hoping that something fantastical happens tomorrow to get me up on another high. I really, really, don't want to have another emo breakdown this week. I can't afford to lose the pay.
I'm so the pooplins that I plan on going to bed and maybe reading soon as I'm done with this. I wanted to crawl into bed ealier but distracted myself with internet crosswords for awhile. I had to stop playing though. I always hate it when I start to feel stupid, and I began to get that feeling. I gave up and let James finish it.
Work today was great. I got a whole gaggle of things done. I so wish I could just take my job to Portland. I told Christine today that they need to open a Slatter up in Portland. She thought it was a great idea, hahaha. My mind is jumping all over the land of self defeating. I'm beginning to question my worth again and my abilities as an Accountant. These feelings are not good for me or the people around me. Poor James just wants me to be happy, but he can't quite seem to grasp that I'm not wired that way. Hopefully, by our ten year anniversary or so he'll have accepted the fact that as a happy person I just suck. Feeling hurt and angry and sad and useless are feelings that just come much more easily to me. Being happy is something that comes in little fleeting moments. Don't get me wrong, I love being happy, I just can't seem to hold onto it for long.
Anyhoo, the snoring baby lovelins on my lap tells me that I should off to bed now. I'm hoping that something fantastical happens tomorrow to get me up on another high. I really, really, don't want to have another emo breakdown this week. I can't afford to lose the pay.